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Nickname: RidzChinese Sign : Dragon Sun Sign : Taurus Numero Scope : No. 11 DOB : 7th May '88 Gender : Male (duh) I like works of art I cannot stop eating Interested in cooking I want to get buffed up Anything Japan fascinates me I'm always out of cash Real men drink tea! haha Rude people disgusts me Ignorance is murder Reading calms me Studying too much is overkill Randomness is bliss Music is serene archives January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 July 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 credits layout designer and image: eloquent |
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date: Wednesday, December 16, 2009
title: Prowling with zing the cat
time: 12/16/2009 04:37:00 AM
If you could see from my posts and tell that i have a whole lot of free time to be able to be blogging everyday. And that from the lenght of it is not something i'd just come up with within minutes. sometimes for me to complete one could take me hours. It can be a challenge sometimes.. Cause its tough to think of what to write.. But i don't dislike it or whatever.. It allows me to think.. But most of the time, i give myself problems by occupying myself with my own thoughts.. Actually.. I think i'm quite a daydreamer myself..haha i wink once, i wink again.. And there goes half a month.. i guess what i've said came true.. Now they're wanting me to reconsider about extending my stay here for another 6 months. I rejected the offer.. You know i wouldn't mind doing these kind of things as long as i'm where my family and friends are.. Somewhere within reach.. i won't complain about the distance i have to cover to go places when i'm back home.. But to be honest.. I don't mind travelling the distance to go places.. Especially if its to meet someone.. I'm used to travelling far places to do something or meet up with someone.. So no issues there.. Truth be told that i would travel the distance.. the more i take a look at my hands the more i fear it'll look different by the time i get back.. Working here, has given me lots of "working scars" hahaha.. And my calluses are building up.. Maybe its time to use softeners on my hands.. My palms used to be so smooth until i began lifting irons.. Wooo am i regreting that or what.. im going to sleep... Today was so chaotic and frustrating.. I need to rest my mind date: Monday, December 14, 2009
title: Alternate duties
time: 12/14/2009 11:56:00 PM
My turn to do duties have arrived.. I just got through the first day and oh boy..Feeling extremely lethargic, I'm unsure of what kept me awake throughout the night. I only know that I was unable to think straight. Its going to be messy this month. Even when its a low key period, having duties back to back non stop. Every single alternate days. 1 down, 5 more to go. Finally, I got my hands on something I've been meaning to get all these while. Its not exactly what I wanted but it'll do just fine. My new toy, Nokia e61, I bought it from a friend. It was within my budget and it had all the functions I need.. so yea.. its enough.. Initially, I wanted to go for the brand new e72 model but I kept hesitating and waited patiently to see if the price would drop. After all, its coming towards the end of the year and I believe x-mas is also contributing to the great promotions. Year-end sale + x mas promos.. what more could you ask for. Going back to where I left off before I changed topics, I didn't get what I want I'm still satisfied with what I'm having now. With this, I could access the net without relying too much from someone else. I could access the net directly through the phone. I tried testing it once.. left the msn on for half a day.. it deducted only $0.03 from my prepaid.. awesome ain't it. I just got back from the gym and my chest is feeling the burn. I guess I overdid my workout today. But hey, no pain no gain! or maybe too much pain and lessen the gain. hahaha Ohoho! I just remembered this one time, this person was feeling my chest and asking me where I got them from. Weird ain't it? And yea, definitely sounded really wrong. Time to rest! another long day tomorrow.. and damnit do I have lots of projects in my hands.. sigh date:
title: Fond memories of India
time: 12/14/2009 03:18:00 AM
Talking a walk down memory lane.. I happen to come across something.. funny.. yet touching.I realised how troublesome it is to take care of certain drunkards. There are those who're fun.. there are those who tried getting themselves killed.. and those who're extremely emotional. There was one incident that I remembered so clearly. All these happened years ago, back when I was still in school. My buddy and I were sent to India to study. Shit happened here and there.. it was chaotic but fun. Still.. being there wasn't easy.. it was just as hard as being here in Brunei. My buddies drink.. and like most.. they've offered me drinks too.. But I refused every single time they did. Even if they told it to put aside my beliefs for just a day. Still, I was there to chat and hang around with them. When one of them gets drunk.. He'll want to go places and do stupid things.. like play pool or go swimming, For heaven's sake, he can't even get on his own two feet. Heck, he can't even sit without staying still. Imagine letting him wander off on his own? What if he falls down the staircase of the apartment trying to get to the first floor? So I stayed around to care for him.. Together with another buddy of mine, we carried him and we walked all the way to the nearest hotel where we could find a pool table. And yea, we restricted him from swimming, who knows if he might just drown himself in the kids pool. It was in the middle of the night.. I know it was crazy for us to be doing so but he wouldn't rest till he got what he wanted. Back then, I was the type of person who wouldn't say no to someone's request. So yea, I gave in to his silly request. Three crazy teens out in foreign country wondering around the neighborhood in the darkness of the night. We're lucky we never got knocked down by vehicles along the way. We soon learned that the facilities in the hotel were close.. Yea, we weren't surprised though. We're just laughing to ourselves. There was one particular moment whereby he was talking about his previous relationships. He got off to a happy start.. and ended with sad ending.. I forgot what he said but it made me remember something.. It made me cried.. and it was so embarrassing.. crying in front of other people. It was sudden.. my tears just rolled down and it kept gushing out. and no I wasn't crying like a sissy. Back then, I was going through a long distance relationship with Tai.I held on for close to year.. Its so much easier to hurt than to heal. I never did ask of her to stay.. but then again I never wanted to lose what we had. It would make all the effort we had put in go to waste..But my circumstance was like Zim's. Sometimes I look at the watch she gave me on my birthday and wonder if it was some kind of curse. Like a watch that counts down the end of us.. As if we'd be no more as soon the batteries inside this watch die off. I'm probably thinking too much I spent the time afterward wondering this and that. Wondering if I could do something to improve myself. I was thinking.. if this is what its like to feel so hurt.. I would never want to start over again. She was a good person but we had our differences and we just had to pass out on each other. Tap myself on the shoulder and tell myself its done and over with. A whole new future awaits. haha date: Saturday, December 12, 2009
title: Will never stay the same
time: 12/12/2009 02:20:00 PM
Wherever I go.. whoever I meet.. there's something in common these people name me."Abang Body", Why does it have an awful ring to it? I don't know why people won't believe it when they hear my age. They'd compare my age to my body. So far, I've heard them saying that I look old because of my build. What can I do? I've been big ever since I was small. God made me this way and therefore I am this way. I'm not complaining or anything but just stating something in general, a random thought. But what bugs me is that people say I look 25.. Ouch! I may look old but my mind is almost like a 5's. Okay, on to something else. I just heard of a thing called indulgence leave. Its something we could apply for after a certain probation period. After 3 months of service here, we're entitled to go back home but there are conditions tthat needs to be met. Firstly.. Still unsure of any remaining annual leaves thats left under my name. Next.. I need to clear my BMI since I'm not allowed to sit for IPPT. Here's the thing, I failed my BMI cause I'm freaking overweight Okay, So I'm just heavy.. I already passed my BMI since the passing mark is 27. Only thing left unclear is my balance of annual leaves.. After which I have to purchase my own flight back home to Singapore. Its a price to pay but hey.. its a price I'm willing to fork out if its to reunite myself with the ones I missed back home. I know for a fact that money is an issue but in this life.. and at this very moment.. money could be my only link between me and home. Wait, that didn't make sense. I'm still saving, a reasonable amount for sure.. And the rest is used for my own spending. I know at times, I spend money like its notthing.. but I can really do this if I really want to. I'm sorry if the only thing I've been talking about is money.. I guess this world is so revolved around money.. or perhaps, mine. No I'm not going to waste this chance away. Once I've hit my 3rd month here, I'm going to do everything I can for that leave.. unless of course, I don't have anymore annual leave remaining. That would suck ass.. for real. I feel like the songs that once calmed me are tearing my brains apart. Its having an opposite feeling. Like adding salt to the wound, same thing. I'm afraid to know if things would change when I go back to them.. I'm afraid if things weren't as how they used to be. I'm just afraid of change. Though I know things will never be the same again date: Friday, December 11, 2009
title: Incomplete
time: 12/11/2009 12:06:00 AM
I thought I'd be fine after all these years. But the truth be told, my heart is no longer at ease again.The long gone pain I once had is making its way back home. How am I supposed to say what I'm feeling? Its getting harder everyday. I'm in love with you and I don't know what to do this time. What to do or say that'll to get myself to you. Though you're out of my sight, you're never out of my mind As time passes by, I'm going out of my mind. For the longest time,.. its getting hard to breathe again. My mind is too focus around everything thats not me. Calm down myself.. lets try to cool down.. Lets not go back to how it used to be like... date: Tuesday, December 8, 2009
title: Scope! Horoscopes!
time: 12/08/2009 12:22:00 AM
I'm fascinated by horoscopes if you haven't realized.I'm not sure why... but I just love reading it from time to time. When I don't have anything much to do on the net.. I'll just read here and there just to kill time. Its interesting to know what it says and sometimes, readings are quite accurate when I'm reading after a long day's worth of activity. I don't take it seriously but its just good to know. Most of the time, its not accurate. haha.. I'm not dependent on it. Its fun to read these so-called facts about the different symbols and compare them to my friends. Checking to see whether it really matches with that other person. I have a few friends of mind who also belong to the same symbol as I do but sometimes I find like they're the complete opposite of me. Like Jon, we've been friends for 15 years and up till now, I still don't know how his brain functions even though we've been through thick and thin together. I just checked out mine here and it mentioned a lot of things about my symbol that.. well.. doesn't really seem fitting of me. hahaha.. Is it weird? to like something like this? date: Sunday, December 6, 2009
title: I won't
time: 12/06/2009 01:36:00 PM
Sadly, after I renewed my blog address.. my old archives wasn't brought forward. Its like starting fresh all over again.It was a mistake in doing so.. All or my old entries were washed away. If you're wandering what my blog address means.. its an abbreviation for sense of poise. Stories worth 2 years of my life, disappeared.. During my growing up, I just went through some tough time and I just needed to enlighten myself. By sitting in front of the computer dumping my thoughts into this so-called diary while listening to music, I would feel at ease. Its another way of trying to say that its an imaginary friend of mine. That imaginary friend who would "listen" to my problems. The other only thing that could be "there" for me. This place is like an "escape route" to an unrealistic world. Its no point for me to be writing something and keeping it somewhere I know I won't find later on. Thus, this.. thanks to technology. I used to be a blog addict, changing skins and such, almost weekly. I used to make my own backgrounds and such and I used to be familiar with coding. Those were the time.. but no longer. At least I know for sure I used to have that skill.. Now, the story of my life, everything at a distance. Some people spent their entire lives searching for the ones they've been waiting for.. the ones they've been yearning for. And here I am being the opposite.. making things fall apart. I feel, for once, I'm attending to my own major need rather than living it up to someone else's. But its not like everything I've done for everyone in the past was with bad intentions or out of pity... I have did everything I've done out of good will with pure intentions. Like I've mentioned to some people.. sometimes.. what I say, the tone of it and my facial expression totally doesn't sync. Like sometimes I could be saying something normal but my face will seem angry or something along the line. Or I could be joking but it'll sound like a complaint. Misunderstandings happen along the way.. and I know that sometimes, its just me. After all that's said and done.. I'm just waiting on my part. If only I could tell you not to worry.. That'll we'll be together in time even if we're far apart. I'll find a way to get close to you again. I love you, loved you all along. Forgive me for being away for too long. Hold on to me, wait with me.. I won't leave you anymore.. I've hurt you too much. date: Saturday, December 5, 2009
title: The days to come
time: 12/05/2009 03:12:00 PM
I was just browsing through some friend's photos and I came across a quote.. "Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else". I just thought its nice and has a good ring to it. Makes perfect sense.Also, I was reading my own archive, and I just realized how much time has passed me by. One moment I'm getting myself ready for Brunei.. and the next, I'm getting my first allowance here. The other thing I realized is that.. in my past entries, I swear a lot.. a whole lot.. so bad of me haha Its less than a week to allowance day and I just can't wait.Money! Wonder why I'm excited? I can finally get what I need with that money, a new phone. Actually I don't really need a new phone.. But just to use one as a modem. I didn't even know phones could be used as a modem till I got here.. I'm not sure what it costs to be using 3G connection back home but over here its like $0.05/mb on prepaid. So the more I use, the more I pay. Once I get my phone, I could just get onto the messenger anytime without worrying about location and time. That way, anyone could reach out to me through the net easily I won't be too dependent on others for internet.. I feel its unpleasant for me to be always mooching somebody. Sometimes it can just make me feel helpless. I knew I should've bought a phone back home asap but sigh.. there were a lot of complications. Still, I'm trying to make up for it. After that, I think I could just save up everything else.. as long as I restrain myself from going out too much. I don't have the need for anything else cause its like I've said time and time again, I have everything else I need and its sufficient. But then again, it could subject to changes in the future.. who knows. Someone once asked me what I'm going to do with the money and I simply replied "For studies". But of course not all it.. there should be some for leisure and what not haha. I actually say all these but judging from past experiences.. I'm having doubts already. But hey! If I won't know If I don't try. Its a good thing I'm sent here to Brunei.. I'm wondering what if... I was sent to places like Taiwan or Thailand.. would my money last? lol I guess not. The other thing I could do while I'm here is try get myself ripped. I could never achieve that back home with the timing and commitments that I have. I was so close to achieving my goal but I guess that never happened. I was motivated with going on cause I kept seeing the changes, slow but steadily.. and it kept driving me to go further. Most people I know wouldn't want to get big, just ripped. I can't help it since my frame is already big since I was small, haha. I don't know if all the soya milk I drank since young helped me. My friends thought drinking too much soya milk would make someone grow breasts but I don't think so.. haha.. Maybe my bones are heavy lol, maybe that's why I'm overweight. I didn't take a crash diet because I knew that its unhealthy.. I have a friend who took a crash diet.. He lost about 15kilos in a month and the effects were quiet bad.. the skin on his belly sagged.. He lost weight too fast. Over the months I kept losing and putting back on weight.. I don't really have a strict diet, anything goes for me. But I kept telling myself, if I could do it once, I could do it all over again.. My stubbornness kept me going. But the only down thing was that people have told me I've shrunk overall. Haha date: Friday, December 4, 2009
title: Call from home!
time: 12/04/2009 10:23:00 AM
I skipped out on lunch yesterday to go check out international calling rates.Spent like freaking hours trying to find a good one. I received a call from home! wahaha at last.. I was sweating it out in the gym when my phone rang violently haha. Seemed like a familiar number alright.. "HEY THATS HOME!", I was so surprised. My mom sounded really really happy haha.. it was like a draggy "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~~!!!", yea right away I could tell she's really glad to be talking to me again. The time I spent talking to her felt like seconds but actually.. tens of minutes flew by. I was so afraid she'll be charged too much for the call so I told her I'll call her some other time when I get an IDD card instead. My mom kept encouraging me.. "half a year very fast la, you won't even notice it". "Tomorrow you'll feel like you're already coming back home". "Blink once, blink again and you see? a month passed by so quickly". Its good to know my family is alright. Its true what she said.. "Call better cause I can hear your voice, if you just keep messaging, I can't hear your voice from the message", wahahaha. Oh how I miss those crazy bunch of people.. 0.35 cents per min ain't so bad ;p date: Wednesday, December 2, 2009
title: Low key month
time: 12/02/2009 10:48:00 PM
Its December!Day16 , feels like I've only got here yesterday though. But heck, to tell you the truth.. I ate so much here that I've put on a kilo. haha, yikes I better watch it or else.. Pay the consequences.. This month is going to be a challenging one.. Challenging because its low-key period. There won't be much work to do.. so yea.. my guess is time will pass by really slow around this time. During this period, most of my bunk mates are going back home for their leave. So.. do the math.. less companion + less work = ? If only... I could go back.. I've been away this long and I've yet to call back home.. I wonder if they missed having me around the house making so much noise? I wonder if the people back home are having fun without me? I wonder... I've yet to feel much "fun" around here. I mean.. its alright here but this boredom will make me go crazy sooner or later. There's a lot to look forward to this month.. There's been a few stuff that I've been meaning to get and I'm so excited I can't wait. We'll also be shifting bunks soon.. moving to a new home! a 4-man room this time around.. No more squeezing into a room together with 16 other people.. I think its going to be better this way.. No politics... no nothing. Just a small group to maintain a single small room. No more fighting over air condition temperatures and what not.. I finally got out of this island and went out to town.. again! Well there wasn't as much people as there was before but that's alright.. no crowd = easier to move around. I realised, I really don't have anything else I need.. a laptop, a camera, a phone and some money.. what else do I need? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be getting for my family when I go back home.. Perhaps I've yet to come across the right shop. Haha But I still have a long way to go before I should even be thinking about getting souvenirs for others. Maybe I'll get them and mail it home. So that way they won't have to wait so long.. haha date: Sunday, November 29, 2009
title: Sentimentals
time: 11/29/2009 10:20:00 PM
"Realize"Click here to watch the youtube vid Take time to realize, That your warmth is. Crashing down on in. Take time to realize, That I am on your side Didn't I, Didn't I tell you. But I can't spell it out for you, No it's never gonna be that simple No I cant spell it out for you [Chorus:] If you just realize what I just realized, Then we'd be perfect for each other And will never find another Just realize what I just realized We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other now. Take time to realize Oh-oh I'm on your side Didn't I, didn't I tell you. Take time to realize This all can pass you by But I can't spell it out for you, No its never gonna be that simple No I can't spell it out for you. [Chorus:] If you just realize what I just realized Then we'd be perfect for each other And we'll never find another Just realize what I just realized We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other but. It's not the same No it's never the same If you don't feel it to. If you meet me half way If you would meet me half way. It could be the same for you. [Chorus:] If you just realize what I just realized Then we'd be perfect for each other And we'll never find another Just realize what I just realized We'd never have to wonder Just realize what I just realized If you just realize what I just realized Oh Missed out on each other now Missed out on each other now Realize Realize Realize from azlyrics.com date: Friday, November 27, 2009
title: Clinging onto that tiny bit of hope
time: 11/27/2009 09:26:00 PM
I'm having my first off in a while and gosh its boring.So I'm just sitting here watching some movies. While watching, it struck to me that I could learn something from it. To qoute a phrase: "Sometimes it takes losing something before you realise what you had". My mind was such that I thought I'm the type of person who has nothing to lose.. Until I'm at places.. I've realised I've left behind lots of commitments. I feel like this phase I'm going through is not a waste of time. A chance to get to know myself better and finding ways to improve. Often people make decisions too quick and they end up regretting. But thats only the norm, human beings are often fickle minded. While I'm here, I can think of the things I want to do back home once I leave this place. To seriously think about my present and a little of my future.. plan out what I need to do and set my targets. My initial target here was just to see the world, I swear. And like I said, after I got to know that I was getting an allowance, I'm going to save up for school. I just wanted to go somewhere outside my comfort zone and challenge myself. Yes I know there's work here but that's besides the point. Yesterday my mom was concerned about my well being, she asked so many questions. Haha She told me that my time here will go by really soon. And I feel thats true.. When I'm here, I can feel the time pass me by like I'm gulping down a bottle of green tea. Because my hands are always filled with things to do and I'm so unaware of the time.. and by the time I've come to realised, a day has gone by. And thats how I passed time during my last long dist rs. I just filled my schedule with things to do so my mind won't constantly be thinking of people. And I know this pain too well for me to come to realise it again. I know what its like to be waiting for someone.. I know what its like for me to have loved somebody whom I know will never love me back just the same. Do you know what its like to hang on a tiny bit of hope and praying that they'd be waiting as well? Wherever I go, people would say "time will heal" or "time always heals", it has and I've grown stronger thanks to experience. But maybe this growing stronger thing has its pros and cons. When I think of the people back home missing me, I don't know how to react. But its good to know that I have these people missing me. But they should know that I am too, waiting patiently, on my side to go back home to see these people again. I can't spell out these feelings for you, its not that simple. But they should just realise that I'm still waiting, because they're worth it. Can't wait to give them a big hug once I get back home. Haha.. I guess I just have a tad too much free time on my hands to be writting this down. Where'd you be if you're at the saddest point of your life? Obviously going back to the happiest place you've been to. I don't have that special place.. that place could be anywhere. But that place has a specific timing. I love dozing off at the night skies. But the skies back home are empty.. when theres a full moon, I'd take a while to just stare at it. Would've never thought something so small could make everything surrounding it seem so beautiful. I don't know, you could call me crazy but when I just look at the moon, I could just smile. The most beautiful night sky I've seen was back in India.. I saw the clearest dark skies with the moon right above me and what circled around the moon seemed to be like a halo.. I couldn't capture an image of it because it looked like some flashlight when I snapped it. But I wish I could do that again.. just lying down on the floor outside the balcony staring up.. hopefully to see some bright stars as well next time around. date: Thursday, November 26, 2009
title: Meow meow meow!
time: 11/26/2009 06:48:00 PM
Slowly, I'm slowly adapting to my new "home".The food, people, culture, weather and everything else here. This place brings people from my past back to the present. People from the same schools I've been to.. I can remember a handful of them. And its suprising they still recognise me as well. When I go places, I know that surely there will be people I'll be able to get along with and those whom I can't. There are a handful or nice people who've made acquintances with me and there are also a handful of those who don't like the "new" guy. Its okay, I don't really care who hates me or who likes me. Like I said, I came here to do a job and thats all I'm here for. I'm not here to make enemies. I'll just do what I used to do back home, keep a low profile. Just accept whatever I'm tasked to do and everything will be alright. The monthly $400 allowance I used to get in Singapore really helps me get ready to limit my budget. But I'm no longer home so there are things I can cut down on. Like here's a breakdown of my spending in Singapore with my monthly allowance: $80 for travelling $40 for phone top up cards. est $150 for food. the rest used when I'm out. but usually I'm dry by the end of the month. But most of the time, its just nice. Over here... haha.. I've only remitted $300.. in which I think is more than enough.. I'll give about $100 for phone a month.. sms-es back home? haha. freaking $0.20 per message sent another $100 for food, just incase I don't want to eat at the cookhouse.. And the other $100.... for.... emergency? I can't really go out of camp unless I get off's. And I don't really need to go out cause mostly everything I need is here.. A cookhouse for my daily 3 meals.. canteen for my snacks if I ever need extra food.. The gym is just around the corner. and I can access the net at the canteen but it'll lag like nuts. Even if I do go out..I won't know what I'm going to get. But I think sometimes, its hard to say.. what if's.. hahaha What if a friend influenced me this that this that... whatever ahah. I don't smoke, I don't consume alcohol.. so yea.. I think I'm set.. haha Its a good thing I didn't bring too much things here. Like my ipod per say. When I go back to the bunk, there's a tv and of course our laptops. If I need music at the gym, its available. haha If I'm going out? I have companions so I don't think bringing one would be of any help if I keep conversing with them. For the camera.... lets just say its rotting inside the cabinet hahaha. Shouldn't have brought so much things. But I'm glad I handed my ipod to my girlfriend, it helps me connect to her through the net when I can't get her on the phone. As for my family, I'll get them to call my phone, since its cheaper for me to receive a call than to dial one. All in all, its alright.. just that its the rainy season and climate is terrible. I'm getting blocked nose most of the time but apart from that, smooth. There's a lot of creatures here in the camp. Lots of creepy crawlies here, there and everywhere. Spiders, grasshoppers, moths, cicadas, dung bettle wherever I go. Haha But the best creatures here are their cats.. they're really friendly and tame. Not like the ones back home sadly, the ones here would sleep on my lap if I let them. ahah super cute kittie. I want a cat just like this back home! date: Wednesday, November 25, 2009
title: Feeling like this
time: 11/25/2009 11:30:00 PM
Time spent apart makes the heart grow fonder of each other.Fond but at the same time, hurtful. When hurt, one will only long for something. To hear the words they've been meaning to hear. Those comforting words, like sweet sedation, to ease the pain. All we have to do is just have a little more faith. We'll make it through this together. "Love is crazy pretty baby take it real slow, my feelings show.. All we have to do is never let go..". I've met my fair share of women. I've seen my fair share of desperate ones. I know what one-sided love feels like. It just hurts so much and I never want to let others experience it especially with me. So its best to let them know earlier than to hurt them somewhere along the line. I know I'm not gifted with looks and most people won't look my way but still.. I wouldn't want to get into something just for the sake of having it. I'm sorry its been taking me so long. All along, she's been waiting patiently and she continues to wait. She takes her time to get to know me and it shows how serious she is. She's not afraid to show who she really is. She not afraid to show her fears and flaws. And I've taken a liking to all the qualities she posses because she's not faking anything. To some people, when they've been away from home for way too long, they start to loose it. They begin overthinking scenarios about their home, friends and loved ones.. Its not an easy thing to deal with.. For me, I don't have problems going away from home for long period of time. Its not because I hate home or anything.. I love home and I have no problems with everyone. I've been with my family long enough to know their style. Me, being the eldest child, grown up with lots of responsibilities to deal with. I would try to be independent with most of the things I'm doing. And to me, trying to be independent means being strong, physically and mentally.. hahaha.. now you know why I've grown to this size. My family members are able to let go of me because they trust me.I don't really get the feeling of missing anyone because I still have them with me and I know they're still by my side.. They're very supportive and they know I'm doing this for myself. Although I did say I don't really get the feeling of missing people, there are still chances of feeling it slightly.. haha. But as long as I keep in touch with them, I don't have a problem. You don't have to worry, I won't let you go through this alone. date: Friday, November 20, 2009
title: Changes
time: 11/20/2009 06:12:00 PM
I have no problem adapting to a place like this. Its not because I don't really have a choice, yes I don't but I think everything I need to survive is sufficient. Although the only problem left is still about getting a Sim-card here, so I could call back home. I bought a normal IDD card but I don't really get a chance to use it cause there's a long queue and the phone booth. Also, the inconvenience. I'm just going to wait patiently for my next allowance and get a good phone. Probably one that could allow me to access the messenger service, LOL. I'm only afraid the warranty here doesn't cover the device internationally. I heard from the rest that using MSN is cheaper than calling, lol. Or maybe there's Skype as well! To others, it may seem like I'm so happy to be traveling overseas but actually, I'm not too thrilled about it. I'm just doing this for my own future. At first, I applied for this posting because it sounded interesting, going overseas. After I learned I'm getting an extra allowance, I'm like... "Wow.. If I can go there and save up some money, I could go back to school after I'm done". haha. Gotta earn everything I want on my own! At first, I was due for 8 month's posting but it kept dropping after it kept getting delayed. I got really frustrated, I couldn't do anything about it but to just carry on waiting.. I'm the kind of person who's thinking goes like "If it comes my way, I'll just take it. If it doesn't, let it go". Although I'm impatient.. I can wait on certain things. I've already sacrificed so much effort, sweat and blood for this,like literally and I really want this. Hopefully when I go back home, I've enough money to send my parents off for a short holiday.. I guess they've been working their lives too hard to take any break for themselves. So knowing that I'm already earmarked to be sent away.. I just tried to keep to myself as much as possible. You know.. like what if.. I became close to someone and I come to miss them when I'm gone. It's a sucks.. that feeling.. to miss somebody. My thinking was such.. what if I kept low profile? What if I just kept away from everyone and left the country quietly? Wouldn't that be better? Would I be better off by myself than wandering? But I thought, I should just be a man and face these things head on. People part from each other sooner or later. But I guess a chance at goodbye is also another chance in meeting again. If I were to draw the line between myself and the world, would I regret if I could experience something really awesome but didn't? Would I regret a life-changing experience? I guess I would. So why not take that chance.. Just go with the flow.. Maybe it'll take me places I've never ventured before. And it has taken me there. My friends are just the greatest. I can't believe they came to the airport to send me off.. for someone like me. It moved me so much to know I have good friends like them. I was just expecting my family there haha. I'm really grateful to them. I nearly cried when we're saying goodbyes.. If I were to carry on spewing out the things I'm saying, I think I would've leaked already. Its a side of myself I've never really shown to any other people except my family. But I guess things like these happen among really close friends. Because apologizing isn't an easy thing to do.. and also parting ways Sometimes, its the little things people do for you that really counts. Little by little, it adds up to something really big. It shows how far someone is willing to go for you. Giving far more than they're taking. I'm doing okay here.. All I'm ever doing is just eating. This place is small and is stuck in the middle of nowhere but there are really nice people here. Though, its like some others have mentioned, over and over again.. there's nothing here. But hey, a job is a job right? I came here to do something and thats all I'm going to do. date: Monday, November 16, 2009
title: the starting line
time: 11/16/2009 09:37:00 PM
Leading the same kind of life all over again, just a different place with different faces.I'm okay with changes, I adapt very fast actually. For now, I'm still going through induction program to get familiar with the place.. That, while doing work at the same time. So its going to be slightly busy just this week I suppose. Till now, I have yet to get a sim-card of my own. I haven't called back home and its bothering me cause I haven't let my loved ones know of my well being. I should be getting it this coming Sunday, just have to bear with it a little while longer. Wonder if its gonna cost a bomb for the people back home to pick up my call? Internet here is difficult.. I'm p2p-ing with another bunk mate most of the time and I think I can't be relying on him most of the time. It lags in the canteen where the wireless is.. Probably when my next allowance comes in, I'm gonna get a 3G phone.. Access the net through the phone.. Its the next best thing I guess.. even though maintaining it is going to be costly. I'm going to try save up! haha.. First 2 days and its been okay. Food's okay and I've yet to buy anything from the canteen. Slowly but surely.. haha So far so good. Staying in with a bunch of stay-ins can be a fun thing lol, Lots of companions. date: Sunday, November 15, 2009
title: Regrets
time: 11/15/2009 07:54:00 AM
All I ever wanted to say was.. Thank youFor spending your most precious time with me. For all the laughter and joy you've shared with me. For all the pain you've endured during the long walks with me. Haha I would've never thought someone like me could end up with someone such as yourself. You've been so thoughtful, caring and spontaneous all these while.. most of all.. a great companion. With you, I've had the time of my life and its been a blast so far. But being with you all these while.. I wish I could've known how you feel towards me. Its just the worst feeling to part without knowing the answers. I hope I'll find out some day. The things I wanted to say but couldn't. Being surrounded by too many people made me loose my thoughts. I just couldn't say it.. The things I've been meaning to let out. date: Wednesday, November 11, 2009
title: Script
time: 11/11/2009 09:04:00 PM
When playing a game of truth or dare. Lots of funny things can happen, lots of funny questions may come out. Things can be fun or they can be serious. Its up to the individual really.. Even I can't control myself sometimes. I mean.. I know what its like. Its so random so you'll never know what to expect.Someone once asked this; If you were to choose between the person you're with and something you treasure so much but your partner dislikes it/wants you to get rid of it. Which would you choose? I answered I'll take my partner but honestly..c'mon.. I think he knows that there's no definite answer to this. I think things like this depends on the situation. But I'm not someone who'll restrict someone else's movement/lifestyle or whatever it is. And in return, I'd expect them to be the same towards me. The last thing you'd want to do is to force someone to do something against their will. But yea, I'd like to think that there are people out there who don't really think the same way as I do. But then, thats not my problem. I know where I stand, I'm not a limiter. My job is to watch over her and be her pillar(s) of support. Unless you know.. its like.. a really major case.. like... doing drugs or something.. then thats a big no-no. Its simple actually. When you're in a relationship with someone, you've got no choice but to accept your partner for all that they are. It comes as a package, you can't take out what you don't want and take only the good, lol. If you have high expectations of someone, I'm sure the other party would want to see high expectations in you. Her good, her bad and flaws, everything. It makes up the person she is. Everything else she has apart from character is a bonus. haha I've been shown that good things happen to people who wait. There's no need to be needy. As long as you're patient and you're being yourself, it'll come your way. Still.. you have to know that people aren't perfect. But then again, everyone has room for improvement. Up till now, I've never been so good with expressing my feelings to people in form of words but I'm trying my very best. I have lots stuck in here and I just don't know how to get them out. Sometimes, when I have the opportunity, I don't have the courage. When I have the courage to do so, I don't have the opportunity. Weird.. date: Friday, November 6, 2009
title: the sense of appreciation
time: 11/06/2009 01:42:00 AM
Just recently, I liked a new song. I liked it for its meaningful lyrics. It just made me wanna write something down you know. Sometimes, when I feel that I'm cool or have been inspired by something, I can think of something. HahahaRandom things. Part of it goes like this; "I need you I need you now I need you here I need security somehow I need you like you would not believe You're the only thing I want Cause you're everything I need." By relient k I think and I believe everyone has felt that way before. The need to be needed by the one we've been waiting for. I'm not being emo, but I appreciate things like this, funny. Lol To me, a need feels temporary. Lol.. it feels like a need is.... just a need. But to be wanted is like.. wow.. you know.. sounds erotic but it certainly gives off a much more powerful attraction or feeling or whatever it is you may want to call it. like wow.. you could really tell. I've found her. My better half. Although my time here is almost up, I'm not thinking about the future as much. Because the present is here to stay and I'm just happy to be alive. date: Wednesday, November 4, 2009
title: My brothers from another mother
time: 11/04/2009 09:27:00 AM
Alright! Cheers to another boring day!Yea... there goes another boring day. Looks like plans didn't go out well yesterday either. Was supposed to go to my granny's and meet my aunt where she'll teach me how to cook some western dish. Seems like its been postponed to today. So there I was, without a single thing to do, tried going back to sleep.I'm not sure whats wrong with me but I just can't find myself sleeping for a long period of time. I just found out my max sleeping limit is roughly 6 hours.. So I woke up after an hour's nap. Did some laundry.. Fold my tens of thousands of clothes and packed my "luggage". 10 more days and counting down. I rediscovered some of my past memories while talking to an old friend. The things we used to do while we're little. It brings back so much wonderful memories. These things I've nearly forgotten.. How could I.. lol.. I guess every once in a while, there's bound to be someone out there who'll reconnect you with your past. Only.. If only I could experience my adolescent days again.. haha I went over to Zim's place again yesterday to get my new camp pass from him. I could use the walk you know, cause I just finished dinner and I haven't really been exercising over the past few months.. gosh I've become a lazy dude. Zim and his family have been really great to me and they're such wonderful people. Everytime I see their faces, it just never fails to put a smile on my face. They're really kind, warm and sincere people.. It almost feels like they've included me in part of their family. Its the same with Shai's family. Good thing I left early, otherwise I think I would have never left their house, haha.. I feel really fortunate. date: Saturday, October 31, 2009
title: Seems to fail me
time: 10/31/2009 11:51:00 PM
I guess things won't always go the way I want them to be. As always, that seems to be the case.When I have time, I don't have money. When I have money, I don't have time. When I have both, I don't have everyone in it. Seriously, the things I've planned out.. Its gonna get complicated. Gah.. Its time to say goodbye to dear October and say hello to the month of November. My time here is shortened with every second ticking away. Now it really feels as though the time I have here is really short.. and I mean really short. I honestly believe that this is the first time I'm feeling hesitant about leaving. But its not like I'm not coming back.. doh.. Maybe this is what "Good things don't last forever", really means. 2 pathetic weeks to go. Patience can wait, I think I've waited for too long. Maybe I gotta think of ways to have fun without involving money, lol. Money is evil!! date: Friday, October 30, 2009
title: More than fine.
time: 10/30/2009 08:01:00 AM
Distance makes the strong weaken.Pain teaches you to be stronger. Time heals the weakened. People tend to look back into their past, including myself. But I keep telling myself that there's no point dwelling in past issues. They're just there to confuse and hold myself back from moving forward again. Tell myself to forgive myself and move on. And I already have haha. I don't really like talking about my past, I'll stammer a lot. When things don't work out between parties, let it go, you've tried. I'm sure there's someone else out there who'll love you as much as you have loved him/her. You'll be okay. One just needs a little bit more patience. Do you know it? When you can solve other's problems but when it comes to your own, there might not be someone there to help you. It happens to the best of us. I've finally found people who'd support me, even if they're a little nosy. I hope, in turn, I can be the one to be there for them when they're in need as well. Its not worth it, to lose friendships over relationship issues. If only I could tell them "Don't give up the friendship you've tried so hard to keep", I would but I'm in no position to let them know. My friends are both grown up adults and I bet they can handle their own problems, hopefully in a matured manner. I enjoyed myself very much last night and I hope she did as well. I feel bad I didn't get a chance to thank her cause we parted ways so suddenly, though I wished I could be the one to see her off. In a sense, it feels refreshing to be asked out this time around. I guess I can't expect that to happen all the time ya? hahahaha Thankfully, it didn't rain at the place we agreed to. During the walk back from the park, I mustered all the courage I could and reached out for her hand. The scariest moment of my life, I could feel the tingle. In my mind, I was like "What if she pulls away?", but she didn't and that really made my heart paced so hard. Her hands, compared to mine, were so much smaller and delicate. I was afraid they'd break if I squeezed too hard, haha.. cause I have a bad rep for shaking hands with people. At that point of time, my doubts just disappeared. I just felt really really happy. During the ride back home,I was sleeping and I thought I could still feel her grip in my hands. But I woke up to find that it was my own hands clasp together hahahahahahha And yea, suddenly I was laughing to myself.. the best part was that I was seated facing the rest of the people in the bus. It was.. so embarrassing date: Sunday, October 25, 2009
title: In love with all your sins
time: 10/25/2009 10:40:00 PM
We're both looking for something, We've been afraid to find.Its easier to be broken, easier to hide. Looking at you, holding my breath. For once in my life, I'm scared to death, I'm taking a chance letting you inside. I'm still here waiting, though I have my doubts. The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head. I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead. I'm falling apart. These scars keep tearing me apart. The pain I have to carry, A past so deep even you could not bury if you tried. I'm hanging on another day, hanging on to the words you say. I'm sitting here reading lyrics.. Picking them bit by bit to find the words I've want to express. Men need help when it comes to emotions, because they aren't always aware what motivates them. I'd be lying if I said I'm okay. I'm falling more in love with her and I don't know what else I should do. This nostalgia is coming back to me and its hurting me all over again. Have you ever been so powerless? That all you can do is wait? Help me I'm lost.. date: Wednesday, October 21, 2009
title: Its going to be just fine
time: 10/21/2009 12:26:00 AM
These days I haven't been watching my food intake. I realised I've stopped working out for over 2 months due lots of complications in my timetable. I can tell my body's metabolism rate has dropped and these days I feel as though my body has gotten really.. heavy or whatever you may want to call it. I missed doing the things I used to do. I would say that I'm just an average person with an average physique. I think Zim knows how much I've shrunk over the year.I like to wear dark colored clothes so it'll make seem as though my body is slightly smaller, lol. Lets see.. I have 6 more working days to go before I start clearing my annual leave and what not. From the 29th Oct (Thurs)onwards, till the 14th Nov (Sat).. I'm on leave.. Yeaaaaaaa but lol, I bet its going to be boring. I just realised I that I've given someone a wrong calculation even though she was actually right, hahaha. 3 full weekends here in Singapore before my departure. Honestly speaking.. i think 6 months is actually a good damn long time. I hope within this time frame, nothing changes. But that'd be too much to ask for. Looking at a realistic point of view.. some are gonna be done with their service, start working.. doing things they love.. still single or perhaps attached . A lot can happen and a lot can change. Either for the bad or the good. Finally, its at the end of the celebratory period. To those dearly concerned.. I know i've done you guys lots of wrong. Like bad-mouthing, backstabbing, ditching and everything else thats bad. I may have hurt or made you cry.. Even so, please do forgive me.. I'm only human and I still make mistakes.. Some times even making the same mistakes hahaha. date: Monday, October 19, 2009
title: The ones who make me whole again
time: 10/19/2009 07:39:00 AM
Its an off day today and I finally think I can get some rest. Maybe just rest but not sleep. I just woke up from sleep all of a sudden, gasping for air. My throat is burning, my chest is hurting and I keep getting breathless by the moment.. I don't know whats wrong with me, I think I should really see a doctor. I felt really bad for being quiet all night long yesterday. I couldn't sing along cause of the state I was in.. I gave a small try but I decided to pass the mic back to Adi because it really hurt my throat. The whole time I was in that room, I was trying to slowly catch my breath but the air-conditioning made the whole thing worst and there were times whereby I just had to go out and get some fresher air. Its not the cleanest around but at least its better than fake air, lol. I just feel guilty for not trying harder to join in the fun. I should've known myself better, I shouldn't have went down and met up with the guys. But my time here is coming to a temporary end, I just had to make full use of my time here making lots of memories even if it means risking my health. I'm a stupid boy ya? I nearly wanted to ditch the guys and cab back home but I told myself to try stay put just a minute longer each time. I'm thankful to all the people who were worried for me. And Zim was being such a dear, accompanying me. Even though what he said to me sounded really gay, its an assurance that I was still in good hands. "I'm not taking my eyes off you", hahaha.. But yesterday, my heart was really pacing so fast and I could feel my blood rushing, pumping hard and fast. I literally felt like the weakest link yesterday, haha. . Still, with all that has happened last night, I still had an enjoyable night. Up till now, I've taken a lot of photos but have never printed any.. And I think I should, just to keep a few by my side when I'm away.. To remind me of all the ones I still hold on dearly to, back here in this small island, my family and friends remain. For now I still need to get a little more rest.. my body is still struggling to catch the air it needs. I've been taking so much medicine, far more than recommended dosage.. Pills.. Syrups.. Inhalers.. I think i'll see a specialist when my body calms down a little I've never expected someone like myself to get a chance to go abroad to work. I think its quite an opportunity to gain more experience. Its too late now to back out. But like I said before.. a part of me now is telling me to stay back. I don't have a problem with being homesick.. But I've met so many wonderful people and I feel it'll be hard to part from them this time around. Never have I met so many people who could make such great impact in my life. I think something like this is like a test of one's determination and faithfulness. I'm just worried they'd change. I've realized something about a woman's intuition.. It's quite scary cause they can analyse you faster than you can, tenfold. Maybe it varies with different woman but the ones I've met with... Aha quite scary yo Up till now, I've never been teased so much in my life before. The fellas like to associate me with everything and some times.. it does get out of hand. And up till now, I'm only letting them slip through me because I really don't know how to react. But thats just them you know.. I can't stop them from being who they are but I only wish it could be minimised.. And after all that's said and done.. I still have some worries stuck on my mind. They just caught up to me after some time date: Saturday, October 17, 2009
title: Last moments
time: 10/17/2009 09:01:00 PM
I can't do much right now, the endless rain of duties have left my body in a weak state than it usually is.Literally, it rained non-stop. I think i caught the fever cause I'm always out in the rain during the initial stages of the fall.. sigh, duties. There's just something about that place, it keeps leaving me gasping for air. I can't tell if its the weather, or the place itself but I'm just breathless when I'm there. I caught flu on the second day and now I've been coughing non stop since yesterday's duty. The cough is really hurting my chest from inside and its triggering my asthma. Even going out to the field ain't as bad as this. After the rain, humidity kicks in and its really a bitch. The best part of the whole thing is that we weren't allowed to sleep. But nah, I'm saying fuck that and just go with what my instincts are telling me. I just took my chances and closed my eyes every now and then. It wasn't easy trying to sleep cause of all the shooting thats going on. When people fire their rounds, the sound rings in your ears.. its not the softest thing you'll ever hear. So with that, I kept waking up every few minutes. My past few days were just filled with the rain, humidity and the sounds of gunshots. I was badly deprived of sleep. I haven't really had a good sleep since last week. Only taking a measly 3-4 hours a day. Even so, I didn't sleep throughout the night peacefully. There's always some time whereby I keep waking up in the middle of the night or what not. But surely, these past few days, having slept only on the ground has left my back aching in pain. At least now, I know what its like for those people out there in streets sleeping in uncomfortable places. And now, I'm in the process of recuperating.. I need to take a good rest on my bed. But I won't sleep.. who knows if my asthma would just get worse when I'm sleeping. Cause it happens, and I wake up feeling like as if I'm gonna die. I haven't had asthma attacks this bad for quite a while now.. I'm still thinking about my time a few weeks from now. I sacrificed so much to make this happen and finally.. its here. But from now on, I feel that theres a need for me to sacrifice much much more than what I already have. A part of my says go, but another part of me is telling me to stay. Even though this rare chance made its way to me, I'm still having mixed feelings about it. I can't back out from this now since its been finalized a long time ago. Here, where my home is, everyone is here. My friends, colleagues, family... everyone.. it'll be hard to leave them but then again I'm chasing after my future. Who knows, I could find my next step there. I think its going to be a painful journey. I think this time it'll be harder to part with the people I've come so much closer to with. When I go there, I'll have to start everything from scratch. But, haha, i think 6 months should go down well. date: Saturday, October 3, 2009
title: Cause the weak will seek the weaker
time: 10/03/2009 11:16:00 AM
Gah! Things are getting messier and messier by the second. The more I think about having to go back into the woods to camp, the more let down I am The week washed down too quickly.. but getting through it day by day felt like an eternity.. lol contradicting isn't it. The month of October is really like a month of tests for me. I have outfield coming up, range is nearby as well and so is my upcoming duty. Looks like there will be lots of staying in to do. Its towards the "end" of the month again.. and as you know.. my month begins the day after my allowance.. lol so..yea.. my wallet's all dried up and I'm dreading for that day to come by soon. Up till now, I realised.. that my plan to save up never worked.. Gah! There's always something in the way of my plans.. Sigh.. And yea.. there's always something interrupting my plans.. like my plan to start working out again.. fuck.. i was sent to train to go outfield. When can I go back to my ordinary life again!? I just want to go back to doing the things I love without any interference.. sigh.. I know what you're thinking.. You're probably going to say that I could and its up to me whether I want to or not. True.. but I just don't like to travel long distances and end up loosing sleep over it.. and in the end, I'm still at the losing end. meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh~~~ I've packed a lot of weight again after Hari Raya celebrations and I wanna lose them so badly! ahhhhhhhhh! haha.. But good damn! Yesterday when I mentioned to Staff Efendi that I was 21, he wouldn't believe me! WTF he said I look like 24! AHHHHHHHH! Haha suddenly I'm feeling so insecure about the way I look. Oh well.. just one more week to hold on to. And lets just hope that my own base doesn't give me shit..i.e. overtime and shit like that. Otherwise.. I'm really not really going to put my effort into working for them.. They're not worthy of my effort.. they're just ingrates. They make me feel as thought I'm living a life of guilt.. like I owe them a living. Its like what I've mentioned to Adi some time back. Some times, people don't remember even the littlest things you've done for them. And when you've done wrong to them, oh motherfucking hell.... i don't think you need me to explain this part. I think you know it well. But yea.. some people just can't appreciate. And thats what I hate the most about human behavior. I know not everyone is like that but there are a few every here and there. Thats why.. trust is quite important to me. And because of a few market spoilers I've met with in the past, some times I find it hard to trust people.. Especially people whom I've just met. I'm a little picky when it comes to friends.. I can differentiate between the rights and the wrongs. Mischievous ones are fun to be around with from time to time but they're the ones who won't last long with me. date: Wednesday, September 23, 2009
title: Thats why I didn't want to go..
time: 9/23/2009 10:35:00 PM
My mom was down with fever yesterday and I went out to celebrate with my camp mates.. How much of a filial son am I? Sometimes I really hate myself. I knew I shouldn't have gone out. I should've brought her to the doctor.. I thought it'll be alright since my dad was there. When I have lots on my mind, I'd like to be by myself. My surroundings are quite obsolete and oblivious. Its a habit. Not emotional.. Just thinking of solutions to get them solved. When I'm having too much to think for, I can't be bothered with people around me, really. I hate it.. if someone has to worry for me.. thats why I'd rather keep it to myself. But then again, I can't be selfish since I have others with me. I don't like it if I know I'll burden someone with my selfishness. And what did I say? I told them noone's home. I felt its not right if they went over to my place to see my sick mom and I'm sure they wouldn't want to either. Hell its fucking wrong to even be out in the first place. I don't know what to think anymore.. Heck, knowing the few of these guys, I'll bet they'll even force me back home. Still.. I know its wrong to lie to these fellas. Maybe I didn't want to spoil it for the guys? I don't know. I'm having a lot of mixed thoughts. Still.. I had to make the calls here and there. Sometimes, I wish, my friends could support me just a little more. Also.. I didn't quite like it when I'm informed at the last minute when there's a change in plan.. When I was told I had to squeeze seats with 2 others.. I just nearly lost it. Fuck.. I'd rather take a bus then to share my seat with people who can't think for others. I actually thought we wouldn't be out for so long yesterday, but indeed I was proven wrong. I should've just left halfway through the journey.. I don't know what I was thinking.. seriously.. I'm pissed off with organizing things for people and end up going with someone else's idea. It feels as thought I'm unappreciated and taken granted for. I can't really speak my mind upfront, directly. I have to let my brain think for a little while. Thats why I'm blogging it down.. Otherwise I'd forget about this. Noone will know how I felt till probably they read it here. Cause like I just said, I need time to think and some times the words won't come out right. I have nothing to hide.. but because I'm a little slow.. and I'm quite a slow talker.. People might have moved on to different topics before I even let it out. I'm hoping the rest of the peeps enjoyed themselves more than I did myself. In the end.. my mood really ruined the whole thing for myself and I think it did for some others as well. It was a good experience but still I couldn't find the strength within myself to keep a smiling face. Still, with all that has happened since the past.. I've let it go.. I just want to get along well with everyone. I don't like disputes.. I'd rather take the blame than let it go down the drain.. I can't control what people might think or say about me.. but its their problem and I really can't give 2 figs about it. If someone can't accept me for who I am.. then fine.. Its really up to them.. I'll just pull myself away. Thankfully.. when I came back just now.. my mom had already seen the doc, my dad brought her dad. I went out to get her some grub to eat since she's feeling dizzy and had nothing to eat the whole day. Yea.. I spent a good hour pampering my mom. Doing this and that, getting this and that for her.. Hopefully to make up for yesterday. I've learned something new yesterday.. he said.. whatever happens.. take care of your own family first. And I think thats true.. I should be more considerate of my own family And finally.. I think the person who is really to blame here is myself. Cause I made the final decisions by myself. Yea.. I was stupid.. insensitive date: Monday, September 21, 2009
title: A sound you know so well..
time: 9/21/2009 12:04:00 PM
I'm a person with nothing much to say. Sometimes, I just don't know what to say to people. Either that, or I take quite awhile to process what to say. It feels awkward especially if I'm alone with someone and its quiet for a long time, I can get nervous. I think I have communication breakdown. HahaBut most of the time, I just like to listen to what people are talking about. I grow up having much friends who don't speak the language I do.. So I just listen to what they're saying and catch their hand signals, I find it interesting. I'm not anti-social.. just someone who talks when talked to. At least I don't leave people hanging without a reply, ahah. Basically, I find it that I don't communicate with people on par with my other friends. It takes time for me to warm up to people.. Most of the time I'll just put a fake pretend till people can get a second impression of me. My past have taught me that I shouldn't be possessive or demanding. I know that my friends have their own life to live as well. Only when they want to include me in their activities, I'll join. Apart from that, I'll just do something that'll benefit myself. I'm like a happy go lucky kind of person.. What will be, will be. And whatever comes my way, I'll just accept them as it is. During my upbringing, I was mostly by myself. I've only been working alongside with my mother and grandmother. I started to help out my mom in the early 10's.. like as soon as I finished Primary School. It was difficult but I've learned a lot from my grandma and I feel it has build my character. When I have time to play in between work, I'll just run to the playground outside the stall and swing on bars by myself. Even by myself, I could find things to do.. And on lucky days, I'd play catching or blind mice with the playground kids. I've hardly felt lonely.. instead I feel calm and sufficient. I've learned from my grandma to give without expecting anything in return, to help someone in need. Up till now, I've never been a pampered person.. instead, I try to pamper other people.. let them be pampered as long as its not me. I'm not a difficult person, I don't expect much from everything.. Just that I have a lot of worries in my life. date: Saturday, September 19, 2009
title: Sweet Sedations
time: 9/19/2009 11:30:00 AM
Well.. the boys and I had some fun a few nights back celebrating Shai's birthday. There was a lot of havoc.. fun-type havoc. It was a night to remember especially for the birthday boy. Where else could you find such people to do for you such crazy things? It felt like the whole thing really touched him at heart.. You could see it in his reaction. But all in all, its a good thing. I hope we've made an impact on him and that he'll continue to remember that day for the rest of his life. Do you know that feeling? The feeling of happiness inside yourself when you've made someone happy. Its not something you come across everyday but when it gets to you, its like one of the best feelings things ever. Simple pleasures We got him a present. An idea that came from Yudkie with an effort that came from everyone. It gave him a shock, although I really did think that he saw it coming. Its a once a year thing, so why not just make it a good one? I liked the idea of the present.. At least its something that enables him to use it in his daily life, not just another object on display. I think money wasn't really the issue there. Money can't buy you friends. Lol I felt it was a well worthy spend because really, he deserves it. It meant that we take him as a really good friend and that the present is our gesture of appreciation for all the things he's done for us. If its worth the money, why hesitate? I've been saying this for millions of times and I'd still say it over and over again. I'm grateful to have such awesome people as friends and I couldn't ask for any better companions. They've really filled my life with brighter colors. The other thing is that the fasting month is coming to an end today and I'm hoping for a good celebration tomorrow. Its been the toughest of the toughest this month and it was quite challenging. Draining me physically and mentally but still I'm glad I got through it with no problems. Its a good experience for me this year for a few reasons. Its like a test of character, to see what type of person you'll turn into under all sorts of conditions. And I really found out for myself what I'm like. I found out that determination could take me places unimaginable and some times all I need is a little patience to everything to get them solved. I've been really weak, down and out but looking back.. I'm thinking "Wow, I really made it". I tried my very best and only broke 2 days of fasting this year. I've had my fair share of good and bad experiences along the way. I've gotten closer to everyone around me and that is indeed a good thing. And in the end, thats all I really needed and ever wanted.. I just wanted to have some good companions here by my side. I feel like my world is changing for the better because of them. I know I can be such a spoil sport some times but they're still there. I've never asked for much, just wanting to be needed by someone who wants me by their side. I'd show them the loyal side of me if they'd show me that I'm needed. date: Tuesday, September 15, 2009
title: Losing Sleep
time: 9/15/2009 02:48:00 AM
I just woke up from my sleep.. And now I can't go back to sleep anymore.I only got a good 2 hours' worth of sleep time and now I'm wondering what on earth I'm doing trying to blog about it. I'm totally drained.. mind and body. I've never been this way ever before, losing sleep over someone else. But then again, my insides feel really warm. Feeling good on the inside but feeling like crap on the outside, how's that? Also, on the way to the kitchen to get a drink, I swayed. LMAO date: Sunday, September 13, 2009
title: You're my anchor
time: 9/13/2009 08:35:00 PM
I feel satisfied.. Really.. Just being beside her is really enough for me.For now, I just don't want to rush things. Whatever comes my way, I'll take it one step at a time. I feel she's dropping me hints little by little, like a ray of hope. Telling me to advance forward closer and closer. Actually.. I honestly believe she's already hinted the green light.. Its actually harder than it seems to make it happen.. because I don't know.. if she really actually is liking me back. I'll just have to hang around her a little while more and try pick up her vibes. It felt like all these while.. I had a lot of opportunities to really open myself up and tell her how I truly felt.. but.. I kept holding back. If only I could tell her that I really do love her more than she'd ever know. But more than ever.. I'm afraid I'll change.. if I really go through with this. When I listen to this song.. I get this warm heartfelt feeling.. Its really what I feel like expressing right now. Take Me Away by Lifehouse. I love it so much.. It has really simple lyrics but awesome sounds. Take me away - lifehouse this time what I want is you there is no one else who can take your place this time you burn me with your eyes you see past all the lies you take it all away I've seen it all and it's never enough it keeps leaving me needing you take me away take me away I've got nothing left to say just take me away I try to make my way to you but still I feel so lost I don't know what else I can do I've seen it all and it's never enough it keeps leaving me needing you take me away take me away I've got nothing left to say just take me away don't give up on me yet don't forget who I am I know I'm not there yet but don't let me stay here alone this time what I want is you there is no one else who can take your place I've seen enough and it's never enough it keeps leaving me needing you take me away take me away I've got nothing left to say just take me away date: Saturday, September 12, 2009
title: Thats enough..
time: 9/12/2009 06:09:00 AM
During this month.. I've been lacking the energy to do much work.. In fact.. Its hard enough to move around. And I'm only eating dinner these past few weeks. Out of my 3 weeks of fasting so far.. I only broke a single day and I'm quite amazed with myself. One more week to go!Its the best greatest feeling ever.. when I get to fast with everyone else, knowing later I might get a chance to be breaking fast with them in the evening. I've been trying to balance out the amount of days I've been breaking fast with my family and friends. Most of the time it seemed I had to break fast with myself in the bus on the way back home.. I'm always late home. I think i lost some weight.. I dunno.. but my jeans feels very loose these few days. Lmao. Gosh and I just bought it like less than half a year ago. The shitty part is that.. I really don't have the mood to work. I just feel too sluggish to do anything. I've been really patient with the work that I'm doing. At times, I lose my cool but I kept telling myself I could do it if I waited just for a little while. I feel I've learned some thing new about myself.. If I'd just do work with a calm mind and with a touch of patience, I could get anything done. Well.. almost anything. I'm quite fortunate to have people within the section who show concern when I'm feeling down or frustrated. I'm the type of person who doesn't like it when people worry for me.. thats why I keep telling them that there's nothing wrong with me. Most of the time I'd just use the same old excuse "Not enough sleep". I'm quite a workaholic.. I know how to deal with myself when I'm down. Months back, I suddenly got myself included inside this "clan". A karaoke clan so to speak. My friends and I tried it out for the first time after someone recommended us this place. It was fun with just the boys. But suddenly it grew into something I've never thought could happen.. It started after someone gave an idea of bringing other friends along to join in the fun. Lol.. chaotic.. Here's the thing.. the thing that spoils the fun is when someone in the group falls in love with someone else within that same group. And if some things were to happen, lets say.. rejection.. everything turns awkward and theres a slight chance the group will start to break apart. The same thing is happening to me.. date: Wednesday, September 9, 2009
title: Shopping by myself again
time: 9/09/2009 10:36:00 PM
I guess I'll be spending the weekend at home this week but then again I'll have some shopping to do..Things on my list that needs to be taken care of.. Such as getting my hands on a new pair of ES2 cables for my already dead-long-time-ago headphones.. that alone costs a whopping $65 Bus concessions for the month of September- Oct... another 60 flying A pair of new shoes for the new year.. and thank god its in the 60's range as well So all in all.. I have 180-200 bucks flying away this coming week. At least, they're not impulse buys. I've been careful with the things I buy these days. I'm trying not to splurge my money around cause really.. my allowance ain't that big and its really not enough to get through the month. But then again, I should really start to do some saving up. Oh well.. I guess I can take my own time doing my own shopping for this weekend. Usually I'd do a fast one.. cause really.. I don't like to hassle around.. but I guess I have some time to kill.. After that I'd go back home and do some cleaning up for next Sunday's celebration. Sometimes.. its a torture to hear people telling you half hearted answers when you ask them something seriously. It makes me feel as though some times.. I should have not asked and kept my mouth shut instead.. That way.. Life would be much more simpler.. Whats worst is if someone gives you some light of hope and then trash you in the bin at the last moment. I've gone through too many situations like that I'm actually quite sick of it.. Why get my hopes up and then turn me back down at the very last moment? Should've just said "no" right from the beginning so I could just make plans with myself.. Sometimes I wonder if they'd even try to understand me a little bit. If they'd actually try to figure out something.. They'd actually figure out that I prioritize other people ahead of myself.. So much more even to the extent of hurting myself inside at times. I used to be someone who'd never turn down a request.. And.. I'm not too sure if I'm still that same person. I try to help out as much as I could but it seems most of the time my efforts aren't being appreciated.. I'm not out to try seek attention.. I'm not of that sort. I don't know anymore.. I'm quite lost.. date: Sunday, September 6, 2009
title: All is crumbling
time: 9/06/2009 08:54:00 PM
Sunday is just awesome for taking a break from reality.. So far my Sundays have been really blissful.. Its just the best time to unwind at home.. Just sit down on the couch watching my favorite TV shows after dumping all the clothes in the machine.Woke up today early before the crack of dawn just to eat so I could fast throughout the day without having gastric pains. While eating, I uploaded the pictures to my chill-time outing with the peeps yesterday. Theres like close to about 200 pictures cause we cam-whored quite a bit and I managed to upload about 110+ cause the others had bad colors/blurry images and such. The guys have really been great, I really love them, they're such awesome company. We went on a search to get shoes for the Hari Raya celebration. Zim and Shai have gotten their hands on their pair of shoes. Mine will come when my next allowance comes in. Just spent the rest of my time re-reading a book I've already completed a long time ago. I spent like a near $30 on it so if its just left on the shelf for so long, it'd be such a waste. Got it off the self-improvement section from Times, titled Why Men Love Bitches. lol. Its sort of a relationship guide book for women but hey, doesn't kill to read new things I don't know. Well at least now I know how to relate a doormat to a dreamgirl. Haha.. Just kidding. Regarding matters of the heart.. I'm still the same as I was in the past. I'm still single and still going on strong. Maybe its still not my time yet.. Maybe its one those of things you'd called a "Late Bloomer", just that I'm no bloomer. Lol, I'm just late. I'm actually the type of person who falls in love quickly.. but a part of me keeps me holding back. I'm actually afraid.. afraid of rejection and hurt. I'm not good with words as I am with my actions.. So Its quite hard for me to express myself directly. It takes me some time because I just have to confirm whether this feeling is just an infatuation or truly.. one of a kind. Lately, I've been around someone who has made my heart racy. I think its quite scary she sucked out the truth out of me before I could even convey it to her on my own.. Even though that happened.. There's nothing going on between us.. We're just acting as though nothing has happened. Really.. It's just gotten awkward..The more I feel I'm getting closer to her, the more its breaking me inside. And with my friends knowing the truth as well.. I feel its going to get even more complexed. I've never meant to kept things in the dark from them but.. some times its just not easy talking about things from the heart. I wish I could let them know that I have never used them to get closer to that other person. If they feel like I've dragged them into the situation and have used them as a tool, I'd just accept whatever they have to blame me for. More than anything, I'd just want them to act the way they are.. This is why some times, I think being alone is the best.. Only I could hurt myself. But my self-sufficiency is starting to falter. I'm starting to lean more towards other people.. date: Thursday, September 3, 2009
title: Is there still hope?
time: 9/03/2009 08:26:00 PM
For me, right now, there's no better way to ease myself than to sing to myself when I'm alone. I love songs that has a lot of meaning, some times, you can just relate. Like most people, I love singing but I try not to show it.. I'm not the best at singing but still.. I find it a good way to "let go". I even plan on learning a few instruments when I'm ready, financially. Maybe a guitar would do just fine for a start.Singing to myself.. lol. What a way to console myself Although this phase of life that I'm going through is rough.. I've met people who've given me that extra push to keep on going when I'm at the brink of giving up. No words could describe these beautiful people at heart. I couldn't ask for better friends to get along with. They've shown me enough reasons, to try putting my trust in others again, even just a little. Its okay, to confide in them. I don't have a best friend, till now. Probably either because I lack trust in others or its the other way around. People just don't trust me. But hey, I like everybody and I'm on good terms with most people. I consider everyone I know as a friend. But things are looking out for the best now and I do believe that person will appear one day. Lol Its time to take a break from the my healthy lifestyle schedules and focus more on trying to recover. I've been in the best form ever and i prefer the me now more than ever. haha.. still I'm quite far from my goal.. but i guess i still have lots of baby steps to take before I achieve it.. I'm going to buy more M sized clothes muahaha I'm going away.. In November.. or so I was told.. haha.. but I'm not expecting it to be confirmed just yet. And that means i have very little time to do things I should do before I go.. haha... date: Monday, July 6, 2009
title: take care of oneself.
time: 7/06/2009 08:43:00 PM
I'm still patiently carrying on my goal.A quest to achieve the 'Grail'. Lol sounds corny.After all these months, I've only managed to drop 2kg. Right now, I'm at a 179lbs or around 80kg. I'm starting to see scary veins pop out from my forearms. Hmm.. Nothing much has changed.. Nothing interesting going around.. I actually had plans on going out and play but no one would want to accompany me *sobs* They're all like "Pool? nah, ain't got the money" or "dude that movie sucks man". If I call em up to hit the gym or go run, they'll go "aww man I'm on duty today man" or even "sorry man I've got a bad stomach ache". But the next time your IM just pops up with something that goes like " dude! you gotta try mixed martial arts man, its da bomb. I just gave the training a try today and I vomited twice today. hardcore shit son". Really, I just don't understand what people want these days. But really, I say to hell with these people. I've just leave them the hell alone and let them search for me when they need to. My stand now is quite simple. Its 'If you're not interested, I can't be bothered with you anymore'. These days, I find it hard to rely on people. Its hard, to ask for even the slightest favor. Knowing that I have these people who're so-called "friends", it really makes me even much more lonelier than not having friends at all. But nevertheless, I do have my emotions in check. I'm quite cool with whats happened all these while. I've gone solo with the things I'm doing, that's all there is to it. To be independent, its the best thing for me now. I only act when i need to. Talk only when talked to. Do only when told to. hah.. date: Saturday, May 2, 2009
title: How can this be! The scale must be spoilt!
time: 5/02/2009 07:49:00 PM
Do you know of the pain when someone smacks you in the face with a shoe? No?]Don't worry, neither do I nor would I want to experience it. But what the pain I know of is something else. And that is the pain of being-a-lazy-asshole-who-slacked-off-for-a-whole-month-and-gained-and -extra-5kg-from-overeating OMG. Did you know that its so much easier putting on weight from eating than to lose it from exercising? Like duh I kinda hate myself right now. I feel like a giant moron. I spent so much time trying to cut down the weight and it shot back up in no time. Woo But really, its my own fault this happened. I was arrogant and confident about myself, thinking things like "nah, it won't go up anymore". But here, retribution has finally shown its true colors. lol OMG the love handles I once got rid off is trying to make its way back home! OMG I'm gonna climb tons of stairs tomorrow! HOLY COW! I'm 20 going 21! This can't be! T_T date: Tuesday, March 31, 2009
title: The hawk' is back
time: 3/31/2009 04:41:00 PM
I just had a haircut and golly' do I feel refreshed. My head feels light all of a sudden but thats a good thing. Its not good when the head feels heavy, lol.As for tomorrow, I need to go back down to the hospital to get my stitches undone. Its quite a bother when you have threads in your gums and you know you gotta eat. It keeps grinding onto your teeth and the feel of it... ummm... unpleasant? o.o Now when I open my mouth and look in the mirror, I see 4 giant holes that fill my mouth. Well maybe 5, 4 + 1 large one. If you ask older generation people about teeth, they'll seem puzzled. Huh? What is wisdom tooth? They never have that kinda problem, only kids nowadays. date: Thursday, March 26, 2009
title: Something ain't right in there
time: 3/26/2009 08:43:00 PM
So my day had nothing much installed for me.Just lying all day long on my bed till I get cramps here and there, with a PSP in hand racing for the win on a game. Its been so long since I've last held a game so I thought, why not marathon it? Hah, I'm really too old for this kinda thing. So its quite a day of pain. My cheeks are still quite swollen from the surgery. Good damn, its like I just stuffed mini buns right behind the walls of my cheeks. ITS HUMONGOUS! I have trouble sleeping sideways, I have trouble eating large, hard stuff. PORRIDGE, ONLY PORRIDGE! and jelly (yumm!) but thats not the point Do you know how sick it is to be eating only porridge every single meal of the day? And after which a buffet of pills awaits for you. Notttt pretty~~ I got 6 pieces of pills waiting for me every 8 hours. And the best part, I have to complete the course. Woo! Besides not being able to do much at home, I guess there's nothing much for me out there as well. That is why, I, have become a home-hermit. Lmao, makes no sense does it.. and soon I shall evolve to become a complete hikikomori, muahahahaha. Look out world! I shall shy away from you o_O; date: Tuesday, March 24, 2009
title: Down with it!
time: 3/24/2009 08:49:00 PM
Sometimes, when life puts you into deep shit, you won't know shit you're giving to your body as well.And you only begin to take the necessary actions when it hits you, even when you know its already too late. When I say 'you', by actual fact, it's referring to myself. I have a slight idea of what went wrong. I'm getting high-blood pressure I was alright the week before that, when I had a check up. But lately, the things I've been doing, the things I've been eating must have been affecting my body. Probably the lack of sleep, stress and high intake of salt content food was what buffed up the pressure. I can feel it, when I get up from sitting/lying down, I get dizzy. My left forearm feels tight, as though someone is crushing my forearm. I just felt disappointed in myself. Sigh Its no time to feel stupid now, I just need to stop what I'm doing and focus on getting back on the right track. These things occur not because you want them to, for the sake of trying to keep up with things you do, you can do unimaginable things. That was my mistake, because I want to survive through the day, I pumped so much nonsense into my stomach until my body couldn't take it all in one go. You wouldn't want to know what I consumed in one day. Oh yea, I just extracted all 4 of my wisdom tooth. The pain going through my head now is unimaginable. I can't eat hard food for the next entire week. I feel like an old man. Lmao. date: Saturday, March 14, 2009
title: Lance Lance Lance!
time: 3/14/2009 12:17:00 PM
I just realised something. Something stupid actually.I happened to know that the clothes I'm wearing are actually very baggy. So I went down to a clothing shop yesterday to try out some pieces and I was quite surprised when I could fit into an M sized shirt. Quite pleased to be frank. I was just wondering when was the last time I could fit into an M sized shirt. Maybe a decade ago I could, lol. For once, I thought my clothes expanded or something. Even I had my buddy going "Dude whats with the baggy shatsu man". Since my recent shoulder injury, I've stopped doing some exercise for awhile. And my weight has been the same for the past month. Its just hard to do much when you can't move your shoulders much. To be honest, my right arm feels like sponge. haha So after that, its back to square one. Time will heal it, I hope. I've already seen the doctor and he referred me some place else to get X-Ray done. Seems like I'll be here and there this month. Appointments and appointments and appointments and nothing but appointments this month date: Tuesday, March 10, 2009
title:
time: 3/10/2009 10:26:00 PM
good damn it, shoot the burgers mannnn...i'm taping my eyelids to my forehead to keep myself awake to jot this down. But it's just too heavy its falling down, down down. Quite tiring today, the energy is not in the air. It's wondering about somewhere behind the dumpsters, felt like the pink-starfish Patrick. Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh? OHhhHhhhhhhhHHHH!! HeheheHEHe But something quite unexpected happened yesterday, under the apartment block while making my way up. I was there waiting for the lift to come back down to earth and then came by little Miss Suddenly-blew-my-mind-away, lol. So she went ahead of me and waited right in front of the lift doors. When the doors opened, I thought she was gonna make her way in first but noooooooooo. She waited, turned around and looked at me and ushered me in, HOOOLY MAMA CHILI SAUCE JUST EVAPORATED FROM MA ONION RINGS! Stunned I was, i walked in slowly trying to hide my jaws from being seen after they dropped. For a moment I thought we switched genders. I thought she was so Gentleman-like. My gosh, never in my entire life O_O Even when we stepped out of the lift, she waited for me to get out, unexpectedly. Mind my manners, I said thanks with a nod for your info. Haha Gosh I need to sleep, I'll update again tomorrow. Muahahaha But seriously, I wasn't kidding O_O beat that you custard donuts! (I was just lucky) date: Saturday, February 7, 2009
title: overtime killer maximus!!
time: 2/07/2009 09:31:00 PM
Everyday I keep look at my fingernails and I can't do nuts about it but sigh about it. It's black whenever I look at it. No matter how much I wash them, the dirt won't ever come off. And the best thing is, my fingernails are short. My skin tone is changing and so is the texture. Oh gosh, my skin is gonna become something similar to sandpaper. *gulps*If I were to be in a date, I would've been ditched the moment my date sees my fingernails. It's not handsome at all, lol. These vehicles I repair have killer dirt on them. I'm used to bathing in different types of vehicle fluid daily. There is no choice but to do it. There had been quite a significant number of days whereby overtime was necessary. It was necessary even though it wasn't. I just burned my Saturday and to put it bluntly, I'm not happy with it. Ai ya ya ya ya.. Cause it really burns deep into my free time and the things that I need to do have to be pushed to a later date. Such inconveniences are not needed by my schedule! date: Sunday, January 25, 2009
title: HUAT AH HUAT!
time: 1/25/2009 09:13:00 PM
When my parents are tired, they sleep. Not on their own beds but on the couch. And most of the time, they fall asleep with the TV on. So now, The TV watches them instead of being watched. When I lower down the volume or turn off the TV, they wake up and go "Ey, I'm watching that". Odd. I can understand their tiredness, but its quite a laughable scene. Maybe I should get them a day bed and put it in the hall where they could rest comfortably instead of lying on that haggard ol' couch. Its good that CNY is up ahead, more public holidays and most rest days for them. Its good for me as well cause I get off days from camp as well. To all my Chinese friends out there, Gong Xi Fa Cai! HUAT LO! date: Sunday, January 18, 2009
title: Total blubbler!
time: 1/18/2009 05:38:00 PM
I just had a body composition analysis done yesterday and damn, was i shocked or what?I realised that I have to change my fitness route around for a little bit. I need to put the weights down and pick up the running shoes. I'm still far from my goal. My goal was to actually lose weight but over time, I realised, that I want to be slightly bulky. When I checked my lean balance yesterday, I realised my lean balance was slightly higher than normal. So that means I've overshot. What I need to bring down now is actually my body fat %. Right now it stands at a terrible 19.2% Even though this is normal, I want to bring this down to a single digit. I still have about 12 weeks to go before I reach my initial goal. So yea, lets run! Oh my gosh, I'm gonna turn 21 this year. I remembered I was 12 just yesterday *sobs* Things that happen in camp are slightly depressing, there's a lot of work that needs attention and so little time. So then what happens when there is work overload? It means that there is work overtime. So I have to expect returning home late everyday even though it is a "privilege" to be going home everyday. It sucks. date: Sunday, January 11, 2009
title: Drop them body mass index!
time: 1/11/2009 06:32:00 AM
It sucks to be in this line of service. There's overtime every day of the week.And if production levels are bad, our weekends belong to them. Sigh. I still have an estimate of 1 year 7 months left to go. Overtime means lesser free time once I'm home. And it sucks badly that I only reach home at 8pm everyday, sometimes 10. And I have to be asleep by 10, cause for a job like this, I definitely need a lot of rest time. Wake up at 5 only to realise this bullshit is going for another cycle. So actually, I only have about an hour of free time after washing up and doing laundry and stuff. Doh! I haven't been going out for a long time now. Firstly, its because I'm financial zeroed. [haha, it's no surprise] And when I know it sucks that I don't have money, I feel lazy. The problem is not that I don't want to save up but there's just nothing to save. If i save up money, even just for a little bit, who's going to save me? Thankfully, this month will be the last, I've done paying up whatever I'm supposed to be paying for. The only thing that I've been shooting out money for is when I gym, and that takes a max of $40 per month. It's already week 11 of my training program. That leaves me another 13 weeks to go. I'm halfway there. I'm only working out 3-4 days max per week. It may not sound much but I really give it my 110% every time I'm in there. I forgot to take pictures of my progress but hopefully one day, I will. I'm now at 82.5kg Thats about 4.5kg lost since November. But overall since army began, I've been constantly shedding weight off. I joined the army in 25th July, let's just put it at 1st August to make it simpler. Back then, I was 94kg. Ha ha. My initial goal was to bring my BMI lower than 25 because I didn't want to risk anymore health issues. But now it's changed. I want to sculpt my body, lol that sounds corny. I've had a big frame to begin with, so why not just make full use of it. I'm dying to know what the end result will look like. Lol date: Wednesday, December 31, 2008
title: 10:12, 2 hours to 2009
time: 12/31/2008 09:06:00 PM
*Throws confetti around*Yay! Lets celebrate another new year. Where fresh new beginnings are but a dream and the same old bullshit takes place all over again. Every year, new resolution, same old lies. The same "yada yada yada" promises that I keep reminding myself. This year is not the same, no more resolutions! Say NO to resolutions! The more resolutions I come up with, the more I deviate away from them. Because I forget about them real quick. For now, I just need to focus on getting things done one at a time. To slowly master one thing at a time. I don't want to be another Jack of all trades, Master of none. Right now, there's only a few things I want to focus on. And its a long term goal. I really want to work this out completely before I move on to something different. Want to know what I'm aiming for? Firstly I'm squeezing a lot of workout programs in my schedule. There is a need for me to get stronger lungs. I want to immune myself from my current health problem. I realised there is no cure for asthma, just a prevention. So I don't want to let this handicap bring me down. The only way to work around that is to exercise a whole lot more. After I'm done with that, and when I have more time on my hands. Probably when I do have slightly more cash as well, I want to pursue my interest. The culinary arts. I think I've said this before, cooking has already been my interest. Somehow, I'm wondering if my cert in engineering was really worth it. So yea, no resolutions this year. Just a follow up on last year's. date: Friday, December 26, 2008
title: Cry of e Hermit
time: 12/26/2008 05:50:00 PM
Woah dude!As I know, I've been neglecting leg workouts a lot. So today, I figured, I should give it a shot. The dreaded squat workouts. Oh gosh. Hardest thing to execute, ever. I almost went back home limping but thank goodness, I did not overdo it. It's easy for me to get from work to the gym now, cause my new camp is just 10 mins walk away from work. And gym is is 10 mins walk away from the bus interchange. So you do the math, I can save up a lot on transport. Adult fare is killer. So far, I've been living a-sort-of-hermit-like life. I shy away from civilization and creep in the shadows. Lmao. You can say that I don't have much time, like literally. With what I'm focused on right now.. my tie is jammed with lots of things. Although there's only a few item on my schedule. I don't see myself presently walking around town doing some window shopping as much as before i got enlisted, lol. Those were the good days. I just don't want to get over-deprived of civilian life so much when I'm outside. Cause i get really jealous when I see people roaming around so freely. And the other reason for shunning away from civilization is because of money. There's just no money to be spending. It's totally not enough. No kidding. Lol. Sigh. Its over 85 weeks before I'm done with this phase of life. date: Thursday, December 18, 2008
title: Phase 2 begins!
time: 12/18/2008 10:04:00 PM
My shoulders are aching so bad, that.. that.. IT HURTS! For the past few days, I skipped all forms of exercise. Maybe except for walking. I had duty the previous day and the days afterwards were needed for resting. Its easy getting injured, and its hard as hell to recover. Well I'm graduating from course tomorrow and the week after is when the real thing begins. I'm hoping to get a camp somewhere near home, I don't wish to travel far anymore. Its sort of tiring and mundane. And its already a routine. Imagine the boredom. The sad thing is that, everyone is going to different camps. The thing about this whole experience is that, you must be able to make as much acquaintances as possible and also within a short period of time. Otherwise we'll be hanging like sitting ducks, idling and left out. Lol Although the process of making new friends and reintroducing yourself over and over again is troublesome and tiring, I think the process comes by naturally. So yea, lets get pumped up for phase 2! date: Tuesday, December 9, 2008
title: Why! Maximus!
time: 12/09/2008 08:42:00 PM
Here's the thing. I realised something interesting. You see.. as much as ladies are concerned about their cup sizes, guys are just as worried about the size of their chest. And it's funny shit. I've seen people inside the gym, doing exercises (i.e. lifting weights), be it light or heavy. And after that, they'll press their chest and flex it. Want to know why I know such things? Because I do it too, lmao. And the irony is that it's flat as can be, a washboard chest so to speak. So there you have it, it's saying that we as guys are just as insecure as women about our body parts. rofl. "Woah dude, how'd you get yours?" "Training, you?" "Eating." date: Saturday, December 6, 2008
title: Stats check!
time: 12/06/2008 09:24:00 PM
Hoho! it's time for a quick monthly stats check.So this is already week 5 of my weight lost program. (To tell you the truth, I don't know how much time I'm giving myself) (Okay maybe 6 months/24 weeks/half a year) lol.. My last weight check stood at 84.90, down from 85.10 I gym 3 to 4(if lucky) times a week. With absolutely no cardio workout. Just pure weight training. So since the day I started, which was the 1st of November, I lost about 3kg? Give and take? lol. I think I did a pretty darn good job myself. Looking back on the things I had to put up with, it was definitely without a doubt worth it. $2.50 per entry to the gym; the 2 hour travels, back and forth from home/work to gym; the hours spent self-ass-kicking workout. The !@#&^^#$&*!@# $$hit loads of money spent on milk/soya milk for source of protein. So damn worth it, haha. I couldn't be more proud with myself right now. Right now, I'm not doing any body toning yet. I'm working on building more power first before moving on to conditioning. Oh!!!! now i'm getting even more motivated! Tomorrow let's gym again! date: Friday, December 5, 2008
title: Wing's anniversary
time: 12/05/2008 08:38:00 PM
Well today I had an off day cause the camp is having their anniversary day, which conveniently falls on the day I gym! I went out quite early today, around 10+. Ate some light food, lots of water and some bananas. I kicked my own ass within an hour. The hardest I've pushed myself. But I did feel a little weaker today compared to the other days I worked out. I broke a sweat within 5 mins, which is quite insane. Usually I don't sweat lifting weights,perhaps my metabolism rate have improved. But to be truthful, I think the weakness felt was an after effect by the great loss of blood during the Blood Donation Drive. Yes, I experienced my very first blood donation. In the past, I've always been afraid of these events. It takes a lot of guts to donate blood. It's easy for people to donate cash or items but blood, it's on a different level. A lot of my mates didn't go through it, only a handful. I guess it comes with a lot of advantages. Save lives, regenerate new blood and also a half day off, lmao. The after effects of drawing blood is just crazy. I felt so weak that when I got home, I fell asleep right away and woke up 10 hours later. But it's not that bad, I couldn't feel the effects until I got home. The whole process didn't hurt. Although the needle was slightly thicker than most needle, it only felt like an ant bite. Okay, maybe a red ant bite. They even gave us a ball for us to squeeze during the process.lol. So that blood flows out faster. I was over in 5 mins. Even though the nurse was telling me to squeeze the ball once every 10 seconds, I think I squeezed it ever second. Here's some picture:    Oh! I finally managed to get my pull ups to 11, a new personal best. My previous aim was just to get to 10 but I outdid my own expectations. Now I'm aiming for 20 repetitions on the inclined pull ups. Oh! My weight dropped back down to 84.80kg this time. It's quite irregular. Maybe I should go do some intense cardio workout. Or maybe it's because I gained muscle mass. lol. date: Saturday, November 29, 2008
title: AWMAHGOSH!
time: 11/29/2008 09:25:00 PM
What the HECK!I upped the doses! I have gained weight holy nuts! I went to the gym with Jon earlier and did some killer exercises. Although today's program wasn't as tough as how it is when I'm alone but it's good nonetheless. My weight shot up to 85.10 from 84.70 ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I have to work extra hard on the next go! Lol. With progression. My arms are still sore from the previous workout.. I think TOMORROW IS GONNA BE A SORE-ING SUNDAY! WOOO! dang, I'd need a haircut for Monday.. otherwise I'm doomed! date: Sunday, November 23, 2008
title: Weighing time!
time: 11/23/2008 07:28:00 AM
I met Jon at the gym by accident yesterday.He really worked up a sweat, unlike me on the other hand, still dry like the Sahara Desert. Yesterday felt like one of my worst gym days. Maybe I did not have enough rest on the day itself or maybe the food I ate wasn't really nutritional. But I can really tell the weakness and under performance. I was yawning every 10 mins or so. Bad sign enough. I did less sets and repetitions today than any other day but stayed there twice as long. Haha. Working my upper body first and slowly progress to my lower. I want to get that V-shaped torso, haha. Woo, too hot to handle. Now my muscles are a little cramped here and there. A sign that shows I probably didn't do proper cooling down or stretching to say. I went to the scale machine and retook my weight measurements. This time I had my shoes removed and to my horror, I just realised how heavy my shoes were. HAha. Before removal of shoes, my weight was 86.20kg After removing the shoes, my weight is 84.40kg Some crazy heavy shoes there. date: Saturday, November 22, 2008
title: Resolutions?
time: 11/22/2008 09:11:00 AM
I've got the be the laziest bastard alive right now.I've done nothing over the past week except sleeping. It's now week 4 of my training phase and I just realised one dire problem. I don't have a goal. I had no goal to work towards to at all. Just aimlessly hitting the irons with no goal in mind. Damn, what was I thinking. All that static workout, cardio, for nothing. Mmm.. I guess now it's not too late to have a goal. I'll just make a new goal. The last time I was at the gym and did a weight check was on Monday 17/11/2008. I weighed 86.50 the last time. That's one kilo down since the previous week. That much just from doing pull/chin ups and sit ups. Heck loads of them. Maybe it's like what my aunt told me, I have a lot of baby fats. Lately I've been toying with weights that are just moderate. Maybe it's time I work with something harder or I won't see much results. Haha I'm gonna make a goal now! I wanna lose 20 lbs. I have to think big to lose big. Something I read up in the health magazines. That and gorgeous arms, ahaha. SuPeR! Maybe I'll give myself till the end of my 1st year to reach that goal. It's already been over 4 months in the military and I've already shed around 17 lbs. That's the norm around here but I don't want normal. I WANT MORE! Time to hit the gym today! date: Saturday, November 15, 2008
title: Locked In The Heat.
time: 11/15/2008 08:14:00 AM
I woke up in the middle of the night to find out my body's temperature went up.Woo, I caught fever mom! Felt like whole wide world just flipped upside down when I woke up. It felt like someone just dumped me inside a large oven. I took a reading on myself and the results came to 38.7 degs. Trust me, It was no sensation. LOL I showered 3 times in the middle of the night. And I tried "self-treatment" on myself but to no avail, it failed badly. The showers had temporary effects and the cold towel on the forehead was just an ineffective. Want to know why? Cause I just used cold water, no ice. DUH! The best part is that, my freezer had no ice. LOL A friend of mine said sweating is good sign of relief when one has fever. So I turned off the fan and went to sleep with a super big blanket. Only wake up an hour later to find myself feeling much hotter than before. So for over 6 hours, I felt excruciating pain inside my head. I kept on groaning in pain like a little child. LMAO Anyway, I knew something bad was going to happen after being in yesterday's rain. Thats must have been the dumbest thing alive I've done. Perhaps I didn't wash myself properly after being in the rain that caused the fever. I slept at 6pm right after eating Roti Prata. Stupid me, now I've wasted all the effort of exercising in the morning. In the early morning, I went out of my ways to get some fucking aspirin and some sugary dessert. That's all I needed, some good television show, aspirins and food to keep my temperature down. The pain is not as bad as it was few hours ago but still, I should rest some more. Aspirins for the win! But knowing I have a test this coming Monday makes me feel like my temperature is going to rise again. date: Wednesday, November 12, 2008
title: Dried up piggie bank
time: 11/12/2008 08:35:00 PM
There goes my allowance!I just got it and a day later, it's gone ahaha It's been almost a week and already entering week 2 I haven't been doing much running around but just hitting on irons lately. I'm eating way too much as well, haha I guess I need to watch out for that But the good news is that I lost 200g altogether Now I'm at 86.80kg, Yea, I know I'm still heavy. My arms are quite sore now :( I guess I'll take another break from pumping irons tomorrow Start again on Friday Study up for my upcoming theory & practical test on Monday My dental appointment on Tuesday, going to remove all 4 wisdom tooth. SUPER .. OUCH date: Sunday, November 9, 2008
title: Aren't buddies great?
time: 11/09/2008 11:15:00 PM
I found myself some workout buddies, Woo!Isn't that a good thing? ahah One follows me running and another one follows me to the gym and runs afterwards. It's a tiring thing. But good thing I did proper stretching, now my body isn't hurting/cramping so much. I can feel the burn! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *note to self "slow and steady does it!"* MUahahAHAhhHAhahAHhAH And the other thing is that, I'm back again to a crappy budget. Just got my allowance for the month and it went all out in different direction. Pay the phone bill Pay the bus concession Return money to whomever I owed to, that being my a good buddy of mine and my parents. Last month was so bad that I even resorted to borrowing from my parents. I'm disappointed with myself. I'm gonna manage my allowance well starting this month with whatever I have left! Feels like being an accountant =.= Recording down every bit of my spending transaction. I just got my jumpsuit! woohoo! and I went out and got my name tag sewn on it. Let me tell ya.. oh boy... jumpsuits are the hardest shit ever to get in and out off from. And although I've not worn a dress before, it seems much more difficult to wear it than it seems. it's an ass piece of clothing. Lmao. But it's good. Why? Because I don't have to freaking iron the damn thing. date: Friday, November 7, 2008
title: Here it comes! A Moehawk!
time: 11/07/2008 10:49:00 PM
Actually, it's been over a week since my last haircut.I actually had a mini-moehawk if you know what that is. It looks ridiculously weird at first but now it has finally taken some shape. The strange thing about the haircut is regarding the things my parents are telling me. They told me I looked almost the same during the time I was a newborn baby. And they kept laughing on and on about it. So here I am, stunned with a hand slapped to my forehead. But oh well, I'm glad they can still see the "past-me" in the "present me" even though I have no idea what I was like as a newborn. Like who would remember? And I'm a little bit like "wow, did I just give them something to remember of?". Ain't that cool?! lol It's not like I wanted this cut but I have to comply with the rules within camp. Since we are men of dignified bearing, yea right. date: Sunday, November 2, 2008
title: Shattered equilibrium
time: 11/02/2008 11:09:00 PM
Every Sunday, it feels fucked up.It's supposed to be a bright sunny day where I can hang my clothes out to dry but instead, it's always raining. Today seems like one of the worst weekends ever. I feel like my circle of balance has gone out of shape. Asymmetrical, having thorns coming out from every angle, making it look just like a durian. Lmao I've had one of the worst runny nose/flu ever experienced in my entire lifetime. I think i wasted like a whole carton of tissue paper. My nose were all droopy and my eyes were constantly in irritation. And yet I managed to pull through half the day with my project. One that has to submitted and presented on the following Wednesday. The never ending attacks on projects and tests puts a lot of pressure on oneself. My sleep has never been peaceful. I'm constantly reminded of my injury on my arm even when I'm asleep. I can feel it when I'm moving my arm or tossing and turning around in my sleep. I hope it heals soon. date: Saturday, November 1, 2008
title: If you're not going to, I will!
time: 11/01/2008 10:38:00 AM
There's a very fine line between joking and disrespecting.People tend to test the water too much they don't realize that they've crossed the line at some point. Certainly, most people can tell the difference. What happened once, can happen twice, thrice and so forth. It can be anything for a fact. People are like electronic goods. They can get "faulty" and be sent for "repairs". Return in good condition until they go for another round of damaging. What separates the boys from the men is that determination and willingness to pick themselves up and carry on. My wing counselor shared some tips with me. Try looking at things from a more positive perspective. Use reverse psychology. Analyze the situation and think of how to turn the tables so that it'll be to your advantage. E.g. When someone picks on you It translate : Your presence has brought light to his attention. What this means : You're being the point of attention, it better to be noticed than to be ostracize from everyone else. P.S. please use some common sense and take notice when it goes over a certain limit. These days, I feel more health orientated and fitness concerned. I'm always wondering how I can improve myself or how I can be fitter. I've always been on and off regarding these things but now I'm starting to feel more serious about it. Starting from this day onwards I'm going to set myself a standard and slowly progress from there on. I'm going to keep a record and work on it! Woo! I do a lot of reading and researching. I noticed, books don't change people. People change themselves. Books are just there for guidance, such as a manual. quick stats Height : 1.80 <-- its not like I can grow any taller than this, haha. Weight : 87kg Date: 1st November 2008 Week 1 let us begin! Here's a picture of my wing's cohesion! even army boys can go out together and have fun, haha.  In case you've not seen me for ages and don't know how I look like now, I'm in the third row first person from the left. Muahaha Cheers! date: Saturday, October 25, 2008
title: muscle spasm, ouch!
time: 10/25/2008 06:40:00 PM
The best thing to do on a weekend is enjoy my own free time.Nothing beats having that extra hour to sleep through waking up at the crack of dawn knowing I don't have to be at camp working. Just staying home with the TV on, while polishing my boots. Actually, I find polishing my boot kind of relaxing. I don't know why, it doesn't even take that long. Just brush on some polish, wait awhile, rub it with a rag and it sparkles. Haha, I actually know someone who used lacquer to shine his boots. Ultra-cheating method. But the boot actually cracks a lot if its too shiny. Then there's laundry to take care of. There's my uniform that needs ironing for the parade on Tuesday. Everything has to be in tip-top condition. I've been working on my arm a lot these days. Doing push ups and pull ups. I want a big arm, haha. Cause Jon told me my arm has no cutting. Guess I'll take a picture of myself in uniform some day when I have that arm, mauahaha! But ever since my injury weeks ago, I've been feeling a little big of muscle spasm on my right arm. Perhaps its time I really went to see a doctor to get it treated. date:
title: Discussion at work
time: 10/25/2008 12:34:00 AM
Things haven't been all that great lately.Throw in a couple of guys together and a certain complication that cannot be solved and you get is a "fight". Its hard dealing with people who're rude and inattentive. The best thing to do is to just to distant myself away from the likes of these retards. I've grown tired in trying to get my message across and continuously repeating myself. I have no problems taking a joke or being the joke. But what if it gets out of hand? My tolerance level can only be so much. Anything more than that goes overboard. I don't think any person is humane enough to take in humiliation from the same person for every single day that you see them. That is why, I pull back. I get easily worn out these few weeks. Maybe it's because of lack of nutrition or lack of sleep. Its not easy getting up at 5a.m. every day to get ready to go to work. But yea, it's a depressing thing. It's so stressful enough that everytime I sleep, the only thing I'm thinking of is waking up to the sound of the alarm coming off from my watch. and in the past it's been the hardest thing ever to even wake up from an alarm clock. The bus is always, I repeat, always full. The road is always jam-packed with vehicles that stalls time and preventing me from reaching camp in time. Its fucked up really. Really really fucked up. I just hope I don't get posted to another place thats far from home. My schedule is a wreck, my plans are wrecked. Nothing ever goes right. Ah.. Now I'm wondering... Did I grow up too soon? date: Tuesday, October 21, 2008
title: going abroad?!
time: 10/21/2008 08:20:00 PM
Phew, I'm safe.I cleared my medical appointment. It was some sort of medical declaration. I was quite nervous at first, thinking that it might be for something else. The purpose for it was to see if we're fit enough to be posted overseas. Being chosen for the medical meant that "your name has somehow reached light to someone's attention", or so to say the lucky ones. If someone sends you overseas for a course, would you accept the deal? I would, I know a lot of others won't. They find it troublesome or can't be bothered. I thought I should make full use of my 2 years here, so.. why not ya? 6 months abroad isn't so bad right? Might even extend till the date its over. I don't see whats so bad in going overseas to work. date: Sunday, October 19, 2008
title: oh! so are we now?
time: 10/19/2008 02:32:00 PM
hohohoho i'm in trouble!I have an appoint with the medical officer on Monday. I have a huge hunch that it's regarding my fitness status, maybe we're even looking at an upgrade here. I haven't been going out lately, it's kinda like restraining myself from going out. Since I'm in a really really tight "budget" which I have to survive on until my next allowance. Watch tv, read the papers or magazine, go out and run or whatever. I can't allow myself to go out and kill me wallet! My bro wrecked the desktop computer, now I'm having a big headache finding ways to get it repaired. Ya well, "work" eats up so much time, I can barely do much with my own free time. It sucks actually. Lately I've been practicing with the rest of the boys for a performance forced onto us by our commanders, which is super super super waste of time. But what needs to be done has to be done! Gah, I have tons of clothes that needs ironing/folding and is waiting for me! date: Sunday, October 12, 2008
title: Bring some colors to my life
time: 10/12/2008 12:43:00 AM
Cool! I tried out this site and made a cool avatar! although it doesn't really resemble me, I found it pretty neat I finally changed my template to something more different. I just found it on blogskins site and I've been having a hard time searching for the right one. This should do the trick for awhile. I've not touch any HTML codes for a long time and it's kind of a blur now, lol. Well, at least it doesn't look so dull anymore. I'm been watching my weight these few months, I'm quite happy with my achievements. I hope to see some more improvements. I won't be slacking down! YAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOO!!!! I've been doing some running at least 5 times a week. My heels are still killing me from wearing those hard ass boots for so long. No pain, no gain I guess ey? Or maybe fight pain with pain, now it's even more in pain *sigh* I'm still testing my limits! FIGHT-O! ps. anyone's link I've missed out? I lost quite a number of contact *sobber* date: Friday, October 10, 2008
title: drop 20 drop 20 drop 20
time: 10/10/2008 09:15:00 AM
"Okay here's how the punishment system will work..those who never polish their boots, drop 5 never cut hair.. drop 5 those with long side burns.. drop 5 never cut nails.. drop 5 those who have not ironed their uniform.. drop 5 those with sleazy and messy bearings.. you drop 5 those who have not shave.. drop 5 so how many push ups is that altogether?" woo! they give push ups like giving you water to drink "okay whole lot down, give me 20" "give me 20, carry on" "those who cannot give me 6 pull ups, here's a peace sign for you, drop 20 ah!" LOL its not so bad when you do it as a whole group, cause you don't feel the shame as you do when you do it alone I'm stuck at home doing a project which has to be presented on Monday. It's a dead boring project. date: Wednesday, October 1, 2008
title: Seeds of passion
time: 10/01/2008 09:06:00 AM
Here's a picture taken with the some of the Wing mates. Nothing really, just a bunch of near bald fellas striking various poses, lol. A lot of things happened lately, just that I don't have much time to sit down and type it out. During work, whenever given the opportunity, I would rush back to the locker room. Lie myself on the floor and close my eyes. I've read from somewhere saying "The older people become, the lesser time the require to sleep", but I'd say fuck that shit. Maybe I'm not that old just yet, lol. Still, 7 hours of sleep a day is not enough. Have to roll up a sheet of towel and use it as a "pillow". During class, its easy to fall asleep with help from boring talks and cold climate. When I'm not sleeping, I'd be reading books/magazines and stuff like that. I'm trying to cut down on my use of vulgarity, lol. I read a lot of self-help/improvement materials. Be it on health, fit, fashion or even relationships. Its human nature, people keep striving on for ways to improve themselves. I twisted the whole of my right arm during pull up, now it effing hurts. I'd stop here and watch TV or shit, lol. date: Monday, September 29, 2008
title: screw it, give me back my cv life!
time: 9/29/2008 03:41:00 PM
I've always heard of people yacking away about life in the army and the irony is that it sounds humorous and exciting. But now when I'm the one doing the "story telling", it actually sounds pretty retarded. When I'm stuck on doing just one thing for so long, it becomes all I can ever talk about. And it sucks because conversations are dwindled down to just a few topics and people are going to hate me for that, lol. So its like, here I go "yada yada yada yada"-ing away, and the other party is like "ya ya ya ya". Sigh. Ego trasher. I made lots of new friends in my new camp, really great people to be around with. Fun times, fun times. Fun first, suffer later. My jumpsuit is coming next week! I've never though of putting on a jumpsuit ever before! Well, the only word that describes how it looks is that its "gay". I've volunteered to do overseas attachment too! Woo! Who knows, maybe I'll get to go! Asia here I come again! date: Sunday, September 21, 2008
title: Ego crusher!
time: 9/21/2008 12:39:00 AM
After finished reading the book, I finally understand a few things.Some men pull back deliberately to see what her reaction will be like because they are curious to see how much she cares. Every man would have an ego of a certain level. He'd test waters to see how far he can go away with it. He'd always want something he can't have. We don't choose to be in love, it happens by accident. Men get turned off when their egos are crushed date: Wednesday, September 17, 2008
title: Pilgrimage!
time: 9/17/2008 11:37:00 PM
Its indeed mundane and bored to tears just staying at home not doing anything else except with what is available.(Example: Net surfing, doing the laundry, reading, etc..) With one week left before having to go back to that place called "2nd home", I had to make full use of my time here. Few days back, I hung out with my good pal Jonny and we strolled downtown. Looks like nothing has changed. Though I don't know why I had it with me but I did, my camera with was with me but it stayed in the bag throughout the day. Ain't that sad, LOL. So we had burgers at PS and had a long-ass discussion on the one topic no other sane person would be interested in, military life. After lunch, we decided to burn off some of those bad calories. So we paid homage to the nearest place we could find a pool table and fucking knocked some numbered balls into side pockets. Sounds perverted, LOL. We'd hang out at any pool shop often, its like a sacrament. Still, for us, its an expansive hobby unless we could afford our own pool table at home. The rates could make you think thrice! We had a challenge of our own during the game. The loser of each match and to drop down on his hands and feet and knock 15 push ups. Its quite funny, we gained a few stares but to hell with them. We'll do whatever we like wherever whenever we like, while still abiding the law. Scores we tied at 15 each , GUHHH! We got back to PS afterwards, on the way back, we spotted a manga cafe, really wanted to go there but maybe save it for a next time. We ate dinner, checked out certain shops and stuff. There were new shops, awesome places, they had figurines and another had replicated weapons on display. While at Times store, I went around looking for a good read, lol. There were a lot of cook books that appealed to me, lol. I dislike story books, I'm more into general reading and such. Food,language,relationship,health.. etc etc lol So i got myself 2 books, a language book and a self help relationship guide book lol. I was there taking a peek at the contents and started laughing my ass off. Its funny and its such an awesome read. Although its a guide for women to holding her own in a r/s, i just had to get it. Learn a little bit of the female species. How they think, act, what certain things mean when they say it and etc etc.. The author is a lady, so the contents are quite reliable. I'm nearly completing it already, spent nearly the whole day reading it lol. Title of the book? Its "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov  So far, the most interesting thing I've read is "Most men are turned on by a bitch because it's thrilling to take down a powerful woman." LOL date: Saturday, September 6, 2008
title: knock it, recruit
time: 9/06/2008 08:21:00 PM
At first, I thought being in the military was going to be scary. Then I realised, its not. It all boils down to how one puts it, a mental game.7 weeks flew by within a few blinks of the eye. I'm going to pass out from basic military camp. I've learned a lot of different skills and core values. Its time to move on to a different unit. The buddies I've made with over the weeks will part ways as well. The buddies who've undergone the same treatment I received, the good and bad of it. Whom we share our ups and downs with, the pains and joys. Ignore the ranks, the status, we all received equality. Looking bad at all the bumpy ride, I discover that it was definitely a memorable experience. If only, I could restart and jump start the whole thing again, I would. Back to square one. Even thought its 7 weeks, it felt like I've known them for years. I think its necessary to have this phase of life. We take things for granted at certain points of time. People won't know what hardship really means until they undergo through it. Throwing away the civilian status and exchange it for another. Its a 180 deg shift. Its a test of physical and mental strength cause they really drill the nuts into your brains. The key to survival is discipline. date: Sunday, August 24, 2008
title: Came back from Field Camp, safely
time: 8/24/2008 07:54:00 AM
I made it out of field camp in one whole piece, thank heavens.It was literally the worst experience ever. For days, I survived on biscuits and water, even though they gave a special ration to feed on. I slept on cold dirty ground/dirt under a miniature tent. Woods that are filled with boars, large spiders, scorpions, centipedes and etc. We caught some, but we've not caught the slightest glimpse of a snake yet. It was wet and dark throughout those days, it rained almost all the time. We couldn't get a change in uniforms, just our undergarments and socks. We couldn't bathe throughout the entire process. There wasn't much time for anything, I didn't even have time to brush my teeth. So basically, the minority sleeping in the woods were low moralled, weak and dirty. While the majority are back in their bunks hugging their pillows, the rest of us are hugging onto our "wives". I had heat rash after the whole process, back home, now I caught the worst cough ever followed by heavy asthma attacks. It was a good exposure. Having undergone this, I can really tell the black sheep among the group. The good and the bad. Who to follow and who to avoid. date: Saturday, August 16, 2008
title: Another book out day
time: 8/16/2008 07:37:00 PM
Life in military is trashy and harsh.I fucking hate being in there every fucking single second/minute/day/etc. But sometimes, its these things that makes the experience such a memorable one. Experiences with my bunkmates my platoon mates etc etc. The things we do, the challenge we face and such. As time goes by, we all learn to work as one, and thats where all the fun comes from. Otherwise, we'll just get fucked by our commanders over and over again. Its all about discipline. There are tons of things going on, its exhausting and straining. Its book out day! I lost my jockey cap today, fuck shit. I had to travel back to the other side of the country to one of the shops to get another piece of the cap. Wasted alot of precious time which could have been used on washing my clothes. Gotta book in tomorrow. Sigh date: Sunday, August 10, 2008
title: time to get off that fucking island!
time: 8/10/2008 10:03:00 AM
the feeling of stepping onto that ferry was the most awesome feeling ever. The feeling of relief,going home, best shit ever.But its just temporary. Its almost like hell in there, lol. No kidding. I don't even want to talk about it. Gives me nightmare. Time to go back in there in a few hour's time I'm bringing lots of biscuits with me! lol date: Sunday, July 20, 2008
title: Dude, wheres my baggage?
time: 7/20/2008 07:13:00 AM
What the fish man.. I slept early, like super early. And I woke up early as well :( like super early. Slept at 6pm, woke up at 11pm. Headache. Lol So I went out to jog at 4 in the freaking morning. Who the hell does that? But its cold, freaking cold. Kinda spooky too but I'm not too bothered. Brought back food for my family from a nearby 24hour coffee shop. Relaxed on the sofa and watched Discovery Channel. Awesome. lol 4 more days of freedom, this goes out to all my buddies who are already inside. i'm gonna pay you motherf***ing S.O.B. bastards a visit soon! get ready assholes! Shit loads of things left to do so little time. date: Saturday, July 19, 2008
title: awake, wide awake
time: 7/19/2008 03:50:00 AM
Usually, I'd be asleep by 3am. Don't know why I'm still awake. Exactly 6 days from now, I'm taking the ferry to another place to serve my you-know-what. I have all my things packed already, set to go. The only thing left undone is, to shave bald. Lol, I'm not concerned with shaving bald. I'm only concerned with my sleeping habits. I tried running yesterday, I still could manage. I jogged/ran so to speak. I started to walk when I felt aches here and there, lol. Its good to run at night, the air is fresher and cool. In the meanwhile, I'm just playing Jewels on my psp and listening to pop/blues so hopefully that'll put me to sleep :S date: Monday, July 14, 2008
title: my grandparents
time: 7/14/2008 02:29:00 AM
I gave my grandparents/cousins a visit today, had to visit them both cause they live right next to each other.Easier for me as well. Had a little chat with everyone after not having seen them for months. I realised, especially for me, my grandparents were very hard on me when I was young. They have never treated me like a child, in my childhood days. Every single day, reminder this, reminder that. Nag this, nag that. Having heard what they kept repeating on and on almost everytime I see them, its only natural to remember their advises. It only seems nostalgic when you hear it again. Being at this age that I am right now, I can really see the difference the way my granny treats me. She treats me like as if I'm a kid now =.= haha What can ya do.. I hear, every now and then, stories about my mom when she was young. My mom is the only one among 5 others of her brothers and sisters who has the worst asthmatic problem. And it goes on.. this and that.. Thats when it got to me "yea, this and that had happened before, I've seen it happen". I've seen my mom get sent to the hospital countless of times because of her sickness. I don't know what she's going through , I've never had an attack so severe and to that level. If you don't know it, its fucking hell, its fucking painful. I've seen my mom fall to the floor struggling, gasping for air. Sometimes I cry, seeing her in that state. It happens to me as well, every now and then. I know partially, the pain she goes through. Have you ever seen me on the floor grasping onto my chest struggling for a breathe? No you haven't, its not a pretty sight. I can't blame my mom if she gives birth to me with genetics heredity passed down. She tells me she keeps getting attacks, a lot more, when she was pregnant. I just have to learn from her example, be strong. I salute my mom o_o Oh yea, I took this as well when I was there lol. Sunset looks a little more like sunrise Click here thanks date: Sunday, July 13, 2008
title: new addition to the family
time: 7/13/2008 12:44:00 AM
  New guy to the family lol Small 1 month old kitten o_o mom just picked her up from somewhere quite cute, very noisy =.= real heck of a mother bugger (literally) lol Likes to play with crushed paper balls and long strings or my foot. her claws are getting sharper lol date: Saturday, July 12, 2008
title: Hoot hoot hoot but now left broke
time: 7/12/2008 01:46:00 AM
I went shopping alone for a bit earlier in the evening. I spent my money too fast =.= and i just got my salary yesterday.For me, I don't mind spending on things I really want to get. Its a lot of hard work to earn money but it pays off. I do keep a little bit of saving as well :S So here it is! lol Fujifilm F100fd  Its just the box lol $480 for this plus other small freebies lol worth it actually although the design is a little :( but its powerful device overall, pretty good date: Wednesday, July 9, 2008
title: Mass communication failure
time: 7/09/2008 03:11:00 AM
As a guy and between guys, I'm like, "fuck you".Don't tell me shit to do. You don't have siblings. You don't know how hard it is to take care of "monkeys" (that being unreasonable siblings) You're not filially obedient, you've never had a sense of filial piety. You're just a complete worthless offspring to your parents. These silly bastards are stubborn to their very core. Influenced by the fucktards they hang around with, yet denying that fact. I keep telling these assholes "don't prioritize your friends over your family. If your friend happens to leave you one day, who is left covering your ass?". Your parents man.. what more can I say? They're your parents, they're not your fucking brother nor your sister. Not your maid, not your servant. Get your asses up and moving doing your own stuff. People these days have no sense of respect and appreciation towards their elderly, or towards any other people to be infact. They're too pampered therefore they become spoilt and ruined. date: Monday, July 7, 2008
title: release albums O_O
time: 7/07/2008 10:29:00 PM
Even though I've stopped working.. I still have a fucking long list of things to be doing. For now, I'm a full-time free labor butler/maid, whatever you wanna' call it. Washing clothes, ironing. Sweeping, mopping. Cleaning this, cleaning that. I'm only left with 18 days before I'm leaving for the army. I have tons of things to finish up. Tomorrow, I have to go over to my grandparent's home and clean some fish tanks for them. Charity work for the old aged. Haha I love my grandparents, they always get me into the talking mood. They love sharing stories too sometimes. Sigh, I feel like picking up a musical instrument to learn. I've been thinking hard deciding between drums and guitars. And i'm like "okay my walls aren't soundproofed", so drums is out of the question O_o unless i get electronic ones which could cost me a fucking fortune. So maybe start out with guitars. Although I feel starting to learn an instrument at my age is kinda late but hey, better than never. I love head banging to music, lol. date:
title: Did she get my point?
time: 7/07/2008 03:15:00 AM
I don't know if I got my point across but from how it is right now.. I'm thinking, nothing got across.I met up with her and had a talk before going for work. I told her that, right now, I'm not into having a relationship deeper than just friends, or intimate. She's like "okay, I understand completely". Late into the night, I received a call from her, just another talk. I'm not the type of person who likes hanging onto the phone talking, so I try to get off a conversation as quickly as possible. But what'd you know... things went for a 180 degree turn. An hour past, my ears felt like its cooking, its getting hotter. She keeps talking about her ex, and I'm like on the other side of the line "Meh". Asking shit loads of question, cutting in between what I'm saying. "Have you been thinking of me?" "Do you miss me?" All I can think of is "Have my effort been for naught?" I didn't know what to say, so much of what I was trying to say sounded stammered. "Honestly,I'm too stunned I don't know what to say but really, its towards the no side", She starts to get emo and stuff. She told me "Girls are cunning, They're very different from guys. They'll do all in their power to get something they really want. Unlike guys, they tend to plan out what they want to get. By the time they go in for the attack, it might be too late". At first take, its very shocking. From my point of view, it sounds true. But I can't really agree to it to a full extent. I'm fucking awake, I don't know what to do. I'm confused. Watching her actions is like watching the exact replica of myself when I was younger. Doing the exact same thing. And now I know how the other party feels like. Maybe I should just give her a chance and see how things work out. Who knows where it might end up. I'm feeling so half-hearted. Up till now, I just can't seem to find that chemistry with her yet. But the biggest obstacle right now is another big phase of life I have to go through. I won't have time. When she was about to hang up. She kept repeating "I love you, i love you, i love you, Good night". And all I said was "Thank you, Good night as well". I felt the like biggest piece of shit alive. date: Saturday, July 5, 2008
title: the best thing ever
time: 7/05/2008 04:04:00 AM
I was relaxing at home when the guys at the cd shop gave me a call.Love them motherfuckers, they're the best I've dealt with. Fucking got tons of my albums imported from them, awesome shit. So they told me my DVD order has arrived. After 2 weeks of waiting baby! Its not everyone's cup of tea but it definitely mine. Don't let the album art get to ya. nearly all metal albums have brutal look art. Thats the way has to be for a metal record/album lol. Cool album art =o New American Metal baby! i spent nearly 5 hours seated till my back actually cramped. Now its hurting like the shit but I have no regrets. date: Wednesday, July 2, 2008
title: Before It Becomes Regrettable
time: 7/02/2008 05:58:00 AM
Over and over again.For the past few days, I've been thinking hard, trying to find a way to put some sense into this whole entire thing. As well as into her mind. I'm not an egoist, I'm not trying to be a big shot. I'm not trying to push people away. I don't reject people for no apparent reasons. Neither am I running away from the situation leaving things unattended. Relationships are very fragile things. For me, from what I've been through, where I'm coming from, I don't want to rush into a relationship. From what I know, what I've seen. Girls like to be pampered, and what I know right now is that is girl needs too much of it. They have their needs. I'm not familiar with terms like "dating",nor am I am too experienced in it. I'm not ready for these kind of things, my feelings aren't responding. My body is not reacting to her feelings. She damn well knows it, she can tell. Only problem is that, I've not mentioned it. I better tell get her seated down with me and talk things out, before she gets drawn into such an emotional level suffering from unrequited love. I've learnt that its hard to be feeling left out and left alone. I've been there, I damn well know that place. It hurts the fucking living hell. I won't be able to forgive myself again if I let something like that happen, again. I need to let her know, starting out as friends would be the best solution. Then we can learn each other inside out. Rather than have me fake love and hurting the other party's feelings. Then from there, we shall see if things are progressing. I have my own personal problems. I can't take care of myself that well, I can't expect myself to take care of someone else wholehearted. My free time is very limited and my liberal freedom is about to be stripped from me in just awhile. Things are just going to get more complicated than it already is. What I need right now is my own downtime. I just need all the time and peace I can get. And to fix this sleeping problem of mine. I appreciate and respect that she has feelings for me. I admit she has guts to try ask a fucking crazy bastard like me out. But right now, its the worst possible timing for it. She's only 18, youth is precious. She should be utilizing her life to the fullest extent before it becomes regrettable instead of wasting it on a low life like me. date: Tuesday, July 1, 2008
title: Bad ass people
time: 7/01/2008 03:57:00 AM
Here's to my last day of workAh well.. people come and go.. sadly.. its my time to leave.. I certainly made lots of memories here. I hope I've made an impact with those I've been working with for so long =( Take part of them with me ,leave part of me with them date: Monday, June 30, 2008
title: Its haunting again
time: 6/30/2008 01:05:00 AM
This girl, she works next door.She approached me one day at the bus stop, on the way back home. Talked for a little bit. I could tell she was flirting from the way she was playing with my hair. Then, the shocker came in, she asked for my number. I asked why. "Just want to get to know you", she replied. I kept resisting on giving out my number. But she kept pestering, so I like "meh, here". I was surpised she knew my name, I suspected one of my crew let it out. Today, she wanted to accompany me back home. She told me she lives in the next neighborhood. I didn't mind. As we talked, she just let out her confession. It was very direct. She confessed her feelings. I was too stunned, my mind went blank. On impulse, I said something silly. "Oh gosh, thats gonna be a problem" I felt so nervous, all that was going through my mind was "she confessed.. she confessed". I walked so fast ahead, she clung onto me. I was like "hey hey isn't this progressing a little too fast?" In the bus, it was crowded and there was very little space. she hugged me and stayed like that for quite some time. She's not stupid. She asked "why won't you respond to me?", "You're like running away from me". I was literally dumbfounded. Literally, totally. I knew right away she's a little possessive. She clung to me even though we've alighted from the bus. She even kissed me hand. The next thing she asked for was a kiss. I told her "I'm not ready for this yet. We're advancing too fast." She kept asking "Then when?" "Don't know", thats all I said. This may sound like a complete and utter bullshit to some people but I am not making this shit up. Right now I'm so confused. I don't know what I've just gone through but I feel like shit right now. My heart is aching so much. It feels like as though I just sank. I've seen my fair share of cunning girls. But this one was a little too cunning. And she's younger than me by 2 years. Whats wrong with the people nowadays.. Its seems so unfair. My heart feels likes going to fall apart. I knew right then, I'm not ready to open my heart to someone new. My body won't respond. date: Saturday, June 28, 2008
title: when darkness consumes light.
time: 6/28/2008 03:38:00 AM
I've been in the writing mood lately.I don't know the things I'm writing, It doesn't make any sense at all though. I feel it just sounds cool. I think about them in my sleep. I jot them down when I wake up. I try to write things based on what I know and what I see. When I think I'm drawing closer to the thing I'm thinking of, I have to write it down fast before I forget. Sometimes I have a hard time writing, so I just practice signing signatures around the boarders. And after all that, I just realised, the image got wasted. At times, being secluded from everyone else is a good thing. Solitude feels blissful. I don't have anyone to care for, to give a damn for. I can spend my own downtime as much as I can. I have nothing against the world, I just need to be alone for awhile. Its not those "desperate time calls for desperate measurements" thing. Its not about being emotional but its something that needs resolve. I'm going through some fucking dark times right now. Hopefully, when I read back these things I've wrote, I could help me. Not rejecting myself but trying to find some hope. date: Tuesday, June 24, 2008
title: deaf to our prayers
time: 6/24/2008 02:37:00 PM
I've been fucking blowing ALOT of money on metal albums lately. I'm crazy, I swear I am. But these stuff are rare. Its not like mainstream stuff whereby you can find it at any normal music cd shops. Either you import it or fucking travel somewhere far to get it. And its not cheap. I feel like I'm gonna bleed music. lmao The next thing I'm going to do.. is probably dye my hair with something bright. Maybe a highlight, not a full dye. Then the next thing I'm going to get is probably a new pair of black glasses. I can't bring my Oak's inside camp. 5 more days of work! and its Adieu! I find "my homeland" messed up. What it needs is first class citizens, not first class service. If only my aunt would let me migrate with her, I won't hesitate. Theres just too many reasons why I hate this place so much. date: Monday, June 23, 2008
title: it did not start with carnage
time: 6/23/2008 04:30:00 AM
Its 4, near fucking 5 am in the morning.My eyes are hurting like crap right now but I'm still on the internet. My pressure is built mainly from work. Doing something I don't really enjoy really fucks up my day. And it had.. for the past 2 years. Seeing the same faces, uttering out the same shit on a daily basis. Inside a tight confined space.. Its bound to get hectic. Give me a chance to move out from this "place", I definitely will. I don't know what the fuck is going on with me right now but I definitely need time to fucking find myself again. date: Wednesday, June 18, 2008
title: Just breathe away
time: 6/18/2008 03:08:00 PM
I was bathing in the sun for too long the other day my aunt brought me along for wake boarding. Now I'm dark and red all over. lolTiara arrived from Canada and joined us as well. I swear that its the hardest shit I've ever tried out. It only looks simple but once you're on the spot, its fucked up. It requires time and experience before you get the hang of it, then it'll get enjoyable. I gave up after tons of tries, lol. I haven't had sleep, my eyes felt like closing and I'm swallowing loads of salt water. Gosh But yea, Shak and Elly owned it. Days later, I met up with Pea. She gave me birthday presents T_T (Wooohooo, throws confetti) Presents all the way from Japan! So many Code Geass stuff ^_^ I'm keeping them in my cabinet next to where I'm keeping the watch Tai gave me. Use em when the time comes, lol. Thank you Thank you! ^_^ Anyone out there still have a portable CD player with them? I wanna buy it! lol Sigh. I won't be able to bring in my ipod/zen into the camp when I enlist. I won't be able to use chargers inside camp. 1 month month to go before I have to give up my pink IC. I'm quitting my job by the end of the month. All things have to come to an end. Its quite sad actually but I have to move on. Near 2 years of working in there and I finally got promoted to Asst Manager. I'm still a part time worker though, lol. I hope I made a lasting memory with these faces I know. I better get a camera soon. date: Friday, June 6, 2008
title: insomniac? Yes i am..
time: 6/06/2008 02:03:00 AM
The definition of an insomniac is one who suffers from insomnia.Is there any cure for insomnia? I've tried googling for answers but didn't have much luck with it either. I've yet to try counting sheep. lol I came across one very interesting webby, They mentioned one standard remedy everyone knows (counting sheep) O_O. Not too sure if it works but lol. I have tendencies to blog lately but as soon as I'm on the keyboard, I seem to be having some writer's block. Nothing comes out.. Some of these past events are penned down inside a book because its too personal. Just been going through some rough dark dark days lately. date: Tuesday, June 3, 2008
title: Humid weather, on and on
time: 6/03/2008 03:20:00 AM
Its been dark dark dark days these few days.Well, the thing is, I'm not talking about myself but rather, the weather. lol Sometimes, it feels like its going to rain, but at the same time it doesn't feel like its going to. Somehow I feel like the skies are mocking me. I only get an off day once a week and during that time, I use most of my free time doing my laundry. So once I see dark skies hovering over my head, it just puts me off. At times, I feel as though I wish I had a dryer. lol date: Friday, May 30, 2008
title: the night kept silent
time: 5/30/2008 04:05:00 AM
I've been up at since midnight listening to metal.My eyelids just won't close.. Its hurting so much each time I try to close them. I'm breathing out so loud when I lie down trying to sleep, it annoys me. I'm not feeling emotional but my mind seems restless. There's just so many different thoughts running through my mind. I had to silence my thoughts for awhile so I popped up some power metal songs. To some people, its noise. But to me, its music. I'm a fool for awesome guitar riffs and solos. But then again,if its great music, I'd probably listen to anything. My dad keeps telling me to remove my earphones whenever I'm going to sleep or it'll be bad for my ears. I'm still awake cause I'm trying to tire myself out so It'll be easier for me to sleep later on. I know its unhealthy but its the only choice I have. Sleeping pills are bad and I'm still too young to be swallowing one. I get headaches every fucking day. I sleep at like 4-5 am each day, and I'll wake up by noon. I'll get headaches if I try sleep longer. Besides, with all thats going around the neighborhood, its quite hard to sleep long into the day. My block is just next to the main road of my neighborhood. So sometimes honking can really stir up my sleep. Then there is construction going on. The telephone will keep on ringing from time to time. If its not the main phone, it'll be mine. Sometimes during the day, my eyes will get dry. So I have to carry an those eye solution thingi with me whenever I go. If not you can see me keep blinking and twitching in one eye. Unsightly.. date: Thursday, May 29, 2008
title: First time
time: 5/29/2008 02:49:00 AM
I must be mad, I can't sleep and all I'm doing is wasting ink and paper.Wanna guess what I'm up to? Yea, I'm practicing my signature. Isn't that pathetic, lol. I found a reason to all of my sleeping problems. For me, I have a specific sleeping timing I must meet. Once I'm feeling sleepy, thats it. Its nap time. If I push myself to stay awake for too long, I'll just stay awake for at least another 6 hours. Like whats going on right now. Sometimes if I lay too long trying to fall asleep, I'll catch asthma. Sometimes bad enough to make my heart skip a beat or two. Oh well.. I don't have much people to talk to these days. Most of my friends have joined the army, leaving me behind on the shelf. So most of the things I'm doing now are done alone. Its kinda scary. I find peace in being alone. I find enlightenment in being able to do things I've always wanted to do. Just now, I was searching the net. The proper/common way to use perfume. I forgot to do some homework before buying these babies and it seems I've wasted quite a lot. Perfumes/cologne are new to me, I've always used cheap ones or deodorants. So I'd just go on and spray like 7-10 times all over myself, rofl. Because I'm so used to the smell, I can't tell how strong the smell was. So sometimes my colleagues how ask how much perfume I used. I've gotten myself a Diesel: Fuel for life for him And also a Ralph Lauren : Polo Black lol.. I didn't get much to sample because time was limited and the whole place reeked of perfume so bad there was barely oxygen. My head was so dizzy that I just had to get out of there ASAP, lol. I guess all I need is to trim my hair a little thinner. But I'm kind of in a big dilemma. Should I or should I not? lol I'm gonna lose all my hair in 2 months from now anyway, so... why bother eh? lol I've always been interested in long hair. Just to see what I'd look like, I saved them for 2 years. Surprisingly it takes a long time to grow them but in mater of minutes, they can be cut off anytime. lol. Maybe one day I should rainbow color my head. Geez, won't that be great. Oh gosh, before I forget. If you're reading this. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAI! date: Wednesday, May 28, 2008
title: to give your all
time: 5/28/2008 03:14:00 AM
Give, in order to receive.Thats what I thought, that it goes both ways. But sometimes, I feel my wasted energy are for naught. Its like smacking a ball somewhere but there is no one else out there to kick it back to you. I've never uttered a single word. "You look stressed out", Thats all I'm getting. Its kind of surprising they realized. Must be fun using people like dolls. Pulling them around by their strings. date: Thursday, May 22, 2008
title: do you know my pain?
time: 5/22/2008 11:44:00 AM
Things have gotten much busier now than before. Unlike last time, I would at least have some time to chill and have a glass of water.But now, with most of the experienced crew gone, things have definitely taken a big 180 deg u-turn.. Sigh I've been thinking like "what have I done all these while to deserve this?". Have you ever thought of how it feels like to only have one indecent meal a day? Or to be standing for straight 8 hours a day doing work? and all you've realized is that you're being lowly paid for this kinda crap? I work like crazy and I can't even fall asleep when I need it the most.. My mind is restless.. Always thinking whether tomorrow will be a better day. Some times my legs hurt so much I feel like i can't stand anymore. date: Sunday, May 18, 2008
title: the iPod post
time: 5/18/2008 02:28:00 AM
finally i have it in my hands.... LOL and surprisingly I'm using it to post this.. Dang I should have done some checked up on reviews by other people before getting the tool... And now I'm kinda dissapointed.. In a way I am upgradinBut then again I feel like I just downgraded my tool. putting aside the zen and replacing it with the Touch .. LOL the sound quality and the video resolution are quite inferior.. Sigh LOL Oh well at least the wifi is a plus.. Not forgetting its sleek design Argh I'm getting some sleep first date: Wednesday, May 14, 2008
title:
time: 5/14/2008 11:20:00 PM
Woo, A true metal head indeed!Another one to the collection. I just bought Heaven Shall Burn's Iconoclast. I nearly bought an Ipod Touch. But I was too late so the shop had already closed down by the time I got there. Oh well, I can save my money. date: Tuesday, May 13, 2008
title: I've been called "that" O_O
time: 5/13/2008 03:27:00 AM
A present does not really have take form of a physical object. It can come as a thoughtful advise, heartfelt feelings, a simple breakfast treat or even doing something that changes our image. Thats how I feel, since different people have different ways of showing appreciation.Its common for me to receive simple food treats on my birthday but this year's was a first. My cousin dyed my hair for me as a belated gift. How thoughtful, lol. And the dyed picked was specifically chosen for people with virgin hair (someone like me =.=). Okay so now I have "frost brown" hair. Its not really clear but under sunlight its quite clear. Oh well, now I have frost brown near mullet-like hair, ahahaha. Ah well, I'm gonna be bald in 2 months time anyway. Onto the next topic! Have you ever been called a giant? or how about dinosaur? gorilla? a Bohemian? cute? sexy? Well.. I have! LOL I must admit, I'm neither of those above. So what am I? I'm just an average people with an average looking face and features. People call me all sorts of things but thats okay. It shows I look different to different people. LOL Hell I've encountered one time with a lady customer saying she wanted to eat me instead . I didn't know if she was serious but I smelt flirt in the atmosphere. I thought phrases like that would come out during a film or stuff like that, but would've thought it'd happen for real. I've shared this story with quite a few people. Different people have different perspective. Some would go "Wow you lucky bastard", or those who just can't accept that fact "she's joking laa.." (like as if these dumbasses were there to witness it). But oh well.. I've always thought ladies nowadays are getting more bold. But It seems I was wrong. The younger ones are even more bold.. especially when in groups. Maybe its that whole group dynamic thing that boost their "fearsome courage". Like what happened at work today, I was helping out these bunch of young teens with something and since there were quite a few to handle, I told them I need some time. Then one of the girls in the group said "Its okay, take it slowly sexy boy". Being shocked, I wanted to confirm that phrase again so I purposely said "sorry, i beg your pardon?" She said "nothing", lol. Then there was that *clear throat* thingi somewhere after that. I know I heard it well but maybe she was too shy to repeat it, lol. I did not hit on her neither did I say much. Sorry to say, I'm not a womaniser. Lol Geez, for the first time someone called me sexy. Thinking back, I'm kinda embarrassed now. I'm not sexy! I'm not! T_T I'm just a big giant ^_^ People these days really suprise me. date: Wednesday, May 7, 2008
title: its that day again, 20 years later
time: 5/07/2008 01:03:00 AM
I've just turned 20, yea, nothing to be proud of though.It doesn't hurt for me to know there are those who don't remember. It takes one to give in order to receive. I myself, forget at times. Its touching to know there are those who do remember. I'm fortunate to have them. This post goes out to my parents, my brother, Jon, May and Marcus. Thanks for the well wishes ^^ May and Marcus gave me a treat to dinner and movie T_T and they even drove me back home. Thank you thank you Although no cakes this year. (Nor was there any during the past decade) For the first time in ages, I got a present. Although its nothing big but hey! its the thought that counts right? My brother gave me an award-like thingi that says "World's Best Brother". Haha, I can just feel the sincerity coming from these people, they're so heartwarming T_T. This post also goes out to those ; Who don't know Who don't know yet don't give a damn Those who know Those who know yet don't give a damn Those who know but have forgotten Those who know but have forgotten yet they don't give a damn Don't worry, I won't bear grudges, I won't hate. I'm not biased, I love everyone equally. date: Monday, May 5, 2008
title: shopping day daaaaaaa!
time: 5/05/2008 10:17:00 PM
I went to Tangs store today and good gracious, the air is heavily "polluted" with all kinds of perfumes and cosmetics. LolBeing my first time in such a store, I got dizzy kinda fast. I went there with Jon, good thing he knew a little about perfumes. I tried out quite a few samples, they were all good and it made it hard for me to decide. In the end, I bought one from Diesel, woo! the damage has been done. Quite a big one. Still, I'm very happy with my buys. Also, I purchased 2 albums lol. Its been quite awhile since my last buy so its time to get new ones! Origin - Antithesis Children of Bodom - Blooddrunk Haaa, I can see a hole in my wallet T_T date: Wednesday, April 30, 2008
title: Youth is over, lets move on with life
time: 4/30/2008 01:31:00 PM
I get envious every time i see someone getting a birthday party set up for their birthday.There's a lot of birthdays for the month of April. Happy (Belated) Birthday to Jon,Lu and my cousin Liz. Sorry if I left out anyone else. I'm not too good with remembering dates. I've not had another birthday party since I was 9. My mom would use to tell me that we should use the money for something more meaningful. I couldn't agree more. Coming from a not-so-well-off family, I wouldn't want to burden my parents with more financial difficulties. They'll just greet me with a "Happy Birthday", which is more than enough for me. Its enough for me knowing they remembered. In my mind I keep thinking, "its alright even if I did not celebrate, maybe someone out there in this world has never celebrated their birthday at all". I'd remember my father saying the same sentences every year. "On this day, you've grown older. When you grow older, you should act your age. I don't want to keep repeating the things you should be doing and the things you shouldn't". Sometimes my younger brothers would get cake on their birthdays and I won't. My grandmother would tell me "They're still young, they don't know anything unlike you. So must understand" Its fine even people don't remember it, I don't usually go around telling people about my birthday till they ask for it. I don't want people to know I just aged or something like that, lol. But then again, people always tell me I look older than I am. So I guess the age doesn't really matter. I've had people telling me that I looked like I'm in my mid 20's, lol. Speaking of birthdays, I guess I'll get another cake for my mom's birthday again this year. I'm not sure about presents though, I've never though of what my mom likes. It was only till last year that I actually gave her a small gift. It was a small "Greatest Mom In The World" placard. Speaking of gifts as well. I know there was one time I did something really really embarrassing. It was on my birthday few years back. I swear I'm not making this up. Okay so my mum is actually not that tall, I'm 1.8m and she's like 1.5m. So yea I knelt down, I gave her a self-made card. My tears were flowing down like mad and I was trying hard to voice it out but I choked on my own saliva for awhile. It took me awhile to say it but I said it, "Thank you for giving birth to me on this very day years back, the best present you gave me was this life, I love you a lot, mom". And I gave her a hug as well. She said some things I couldn't comprehend because I know she was crying as well. Yea, thinking back on it now gets me to tears as well. Really, it took a lot of guts to do it. I'm not really the type of person who shows my tears, unless I used eyed drops. But, in front of my mom, there is no helping it, its like a special power mothers possess. Hell yea it was embarrassing but I was proud with myself. I guess people go through phases in life that makes part of their life significant or memorable. date: Monday, April 28, 2008
title: Spitting in the air.
time: 4/28/2008 11:11:00 PM
Motherfucking hypocritical bastard.A temperamental son of a bitch, yes, thats what you are. Your selfish self-centered ignorant assumptions will get you nowhere. Go choke on your own high and mighty sense of pride and you'll know the pain of the other people around you. Someone of your caliber should not try put yourself on par with me. If you have so much times on your hands thinking of what other people are, why not think of what you are? If calling other people assholes makes it sound right to you, what are you? Who are you? You may have IQ but in my opinion, your common sense is almost zero. You don't think before you talk. Using unreasonable excuses to hide the fact that you're wrong doesn't change reality. I'm judging by your futile comments, not even a single brain cell had been activated during that period of time. Am I not wrong? This incident may be both party's fault but its your temperamental emotions that escalated the heat. In other words, you just added fuel to the fire. What happens after that was not because of me, but yourself. Like I said the one who has changed is yourself. Heres a thought, instead of thinking why things seem to occur without a reason. Think of the reasons that led to the concluding actions. Don't you think thats only right? Something always happen with a reason. Just because you don't know the reason doesn't mean there is none you stupid fag. I have my reasons. I'm not obliged to tell you. I dare say I have enough exposure to the reality than you have in your fucking hell-hole of illusions. Much like the rest of the people I know, they only remember the bad instead of the good. Using that alone to bear a grudge, is that how your sense of righteousness work? Or were you just being biased? So tell me, after all that has happened. What caused the spark? My detesting attitude or your never-ending sarcastic remarks that triggered my detesting ugly side? The ignorant retard arrogant brat here is not me but clearly you. I don't leech off life from the person who gave life to me and treat them as if they're my humble servant. Idiots like you can never understand a parent's unconditional love or rather you don't want to accept that fact. Do you think some parent would still keep their kid around the house if they had already disowned them? Like how those retards say, when you pinpoint someone, there's a few fingers pointing back at you. Its easy to call people names, isn't that right? You don't know how hurtful other people will feel right? Cause what you don't know won't hurt you right? I'm just playing your game, this fucking game of cowardice you play. If you want to play this hide and seek game, two can play. It takes two hands to clap. If you want to be proud,arrogant,sarcastic,self-centered and judging towards people, I can do a follow up. since you're too stupid to not know the email or the phone, I'll do a exact follow up on what you're doing, on the blog. Hate, detest, look down on me, whatever.. I've already left the fray Like I said, the word "forgiven" did not/does not/do not apply to you, hell, it wasn't even directed towards you. Using that word like you own it, don't get so full of yourself. A small minded person like you is something I hate the most. I don't have to pity morons like you so much that I have to forgive you. You don't need to be forgiven, You don't have to ask for forgiveness. thus the reason you were ostracized all this time. date: Tuesday, April 22, 2008
title: Back to past
time: 4/22/2008 03:02:00 AM
I guess thats it, my sleeping cycle won't change for quite awhile.Its been this way for quite awhile I might say. Its reverting to how it was in the past. I can tell, my body remembers. Awake by night. Struggling to keep awake by day. The rings around my eyes are starting to become more obvious. I just can't sleep early even though I feel really worn out. I've been wondering, is this how insomnia is like? Do I need to seek help? People around me kept asking "Are you tired?", "Are you okay?", "Have your voice changed?". All I could do was put up a fake smile, I don't want people to worry, neither do I need to be worried for. I've always been like this. Lying. Henry asked me "How long does joy last?", I answered "momentarily". He asked again "As for sorrow?", I replied "probably ongoing" Ain't that how its supposed to be? This life that is I've finally gotten my hands on it, my Oakley's specs. It came in a day after purchasing. For months, I've been saving up for this. I guess its worth it, for the moment. I'm still trying to used to the brand new lenses, putting them on for the first time makes me feel dizzy. After all, the power in my right eye increased by 25. Normally I won't get a replacement for anything till its game over but I've been stuck with my previous lens for over 6 years. Its old, scratched all over, I can't really see through it because of all the scratches. At first I had that lens because the optician said the lens was scratch-proof. In fact, it did good for the first few years but it started to wear out after that. So that just proves, nothing really lasts. date: Monday, April 21, 2008
title: Its just another one of those times I felt like shit
time: 4/21/2008 01:41:00 AM
Sigh, its just another one of those days where I wake up feeling like crap.I don't know what these people think of me, a robot? a workaholic? a pawn? a dog? I've been working 2 weeks straight without off days, I've been taking over manager's duty for the past 2 weeks. I can't feel much energy left within me, maybe, neither do I feel sane. I've been cussing out alot these days. Its too much to bare, I can't take it anymore. But yea, I'm taking an off day from work tomorrow. I'm gonna take a super long sleep. Maybe longer than what a koala sleeps for each day. date: Friday, April 18, 2008
title: the end of freedom
time: 4/18/2008 02:10:00 AM
Finally, its here.I'll say goodbye to freedom in a few months. I'm going in, in July, good damn it. You know it, I know it. We shall not say out what it is. lol I guess I should start training early before going in, lol. Oh yea! finally I got it! I got it! I bought it! After more than half a year of saving up, I got myself a new pair of specs. It'll be ready by Saturday, muahahahaha. I need to wake up early tomorrow morning and sew up my pocket, the rip was too big. date: Saturday, April 12, 2008
title: temee dake kawatta, bakayarou
time: 4/12/2008 01:38:00 AM
Everything seems so out of sync.The things I'm seeing, coming from one seemingly so contradicting to his own words. All is naught. I am who am I am, I've always been who I am. The one who've changed is you. Have the imperfection of others taken a deep toll on you? Hello~ Have you been spending too much time on things you shouldn't? Have you grown liking towards the culture of other people so much you've started to despise your own? oh! I'm in deep regret. I'm despairing. oh, i shouldn't have started working. oh! i shouldn't have earned an income. oh! i shouldn't be helping my family earn money since they're in financial difficulty oh! i shouldn't be helping my parents struggling to clear off debts oh! i should only be thinking for myself and no one else oh! i should just sit home and leech money from my parents who're working so hard daily to meet day's ends. Don't get so ahead of yourself you sentimental fuck. What I put in my private message was just a lyric, no meaning behind it. I just find the sentence nice. Like I said before, you can think of me any way you want. I know myself better than you do. I didn't work because i wanted to. I got one because I didn't want to put my parents into a load of burden. My uncle advised me to work, so i did. I didn't earn an income for myself. I don't think for myself. I put my family before myself. I didn't work for the money, I don't think that way. Because of work and school, I don't have much time in between for much things. Like I said before I'm juggling between work and my studies The only free time I get is for resting. Even so, I'm deprived of my sleep everyday. Do you know the pain of having to do both at the same time? I'm not superman. I'm not a superior being. I get stressed. I get tired. I meet idiots who gets me stressed. I gained experience with the things I do. Thats just how life goes, I'm not boasting. If I can get someone to listen to my sorrows, I'm thankful for being enlightened. Thats just how I am. Thats just how I get my burdens off my shoulders every time. For every single action there must be a reason, its damn obvious you're oblivious to it. Just how long do you think I've been carrying this out? Its been over a decade since. What do you understand? What would you know? Don't speak as if you know my pain.. It makes my past seem so obsolete. Maybe in your eyes I have no right to have a mood swing? or as you call it attitude problem? I have no right for just being stressed out? I have no right for being angry after coming back from work? So if I'm just expressing out my sorrows, it serves as a complaint to you? I have no right to express? So perhaps, I'm in the wrong for having a mood swing I'm in the wrong for not having an off day I'm in the wrong for not being as perfect as you think I am. I'm in the wrong for all the wrong reasons. Everyone judge, everyone have their own way of thinking. Think what you can of me, I don't mind, the reason being I'm used to it. You don't know what kind of hell hole I've been through and back. You're only good at assuming, its all you're ever good at. In my point of view, your sense of interpretation is way off from what I've imagined. Its no wonder it seems we always miscommunicate. Its clear you've been looking down on me. So, let it be.. It must have been so convenient lying down behind your computer putting up such a brave keyboard warrior performance. I wonder how long it took you? You don't have to speak as though you're the only person who's going through a hell hole. To take, you must give. Thats my style. Theres too much damage done. I never said I've forgiven you. To think, I'm getting lectured by you. Know your place kid, you're hundred years too young to give me a damn lecture. You see things on the surface, you don't see the depths. date: Monday, April 7, 2008
title: The people who deceive
time: 4/07/2008 08:30:00 AM
Lies, nothing but lies.Its the only thing they're good at. They make empty promises, yet they bark the loudest. The lowest of the lowest kind. The weakest of the weakest. They're all the same. Boastful, sarcastic, detesting, hypocrites. Say whatever you want. I'm not taking things to heart. I'll just sit where I am and shake my legs about. I can't afford to waste my precious time on trivial things. I'll only trust the things I've seen for myself. Its okay if you don't want to fall back on your premonitions and listen Since you're so confident. Remember, what goes around, comes around. Do as you wish, I just don't care. date: Sunday, March 30, 2008
title: Things i need to improve life's convenience
time: 3/30/2008 10:54:00 PM
Okay, here is a messed up list of things i need. 1st - an oven toaster, there are just some things a microwave oven can't do. For example, toasting. lol? I threw away my toasted since it died on me. To be exact, the cat killed it. 2nd - a vacuum cleaner, the last one died as well. Fudge! The problem with electronic goods. Some things just never last. 3rd - 2 fans, one giant ass fan for myself, and another for the comp to fucking sit on. Some laptops are just too thin they lack ventilation and builds up heat fast. Lastly - a brand new mp3/mp4. Most likely to get an 80gb ipod classic =.= I wanted to try the ipod touch but the storage is kinda lacking for me and its too costly for me. :( Yea, guess thats about it. Lol, all electronic things date: Tuesday, March 25, 2008
title: are you trying to be a comedian?
time: 3/25/2008 01:15:00 AM
You can say all the shit you want about me. In the end, you're still wrong. You can say you've been there and done that, but to what extent? How much do you know? If you think you're trying to be a big know-it-all, stop. Its not helping, you're just throwing yourself deeper into shame. Don't group me with those faggots you have at school. We're not the same. People always do/say whatever they want as and when they like it. Not knowing what goes on within other people's mind. Be that way. I can't give a fuck. date: Wednesday, March 12, 2008
title: the end of one, a beginning of another
time: 3/12/2008 04:45:00 PM
The end of a journey, the beginning of another.Thats it, finally, 2 years have gone past. Its time to advance. Next up: what all sg dudes must go through. it starts with "A" ends with "Y" lol. Don't know? Nevermind, you'll know soon enough. sigh finally i can have some rest. ah i'll get to see first.muahahaha date: Saturday, February 23, 2008
title: no more stamina!
time: 2/23/2008 09:38:00 AM
holy, Wh is catching up to my height.I met him the other day, along with May and Marcus. I traveled from one end to another end of the country just to meet them, and so late at night too. We ate dinner first, talked. After that I got myself owned at air hockey against Wh. The score was like 9-7, he had a lot of last minute goals. Dang. I'm too old for arcades, lol. We watched kungfu dunk O_O. lol Quite a lengthy show, good action but the storyline was a little.....~~~~~~ you know.. Its like every time I'm out to catch a movie with them, its a Chinese movie. Good thing they had subs. Oh fudge, I just had my Napfa test two days back. I was unprepared and now I paid the consequences of not keeping fit. Body cramps lol Here is how its like ~ Sit ups = tummy cramp vertical pull ups = arm cramps standing broad jump = thighs cramp sit and reach = shoulder cramp shuttle run = whole leg cramp 2.4k run = whole body cramp + cramp for the next few days i failed only my running part so I have to go back on another week to redo. I lost my stamina, lol. like seriously lost like 99% of it. If i was 2 years younger, I could still make it within 12 minutes but my timing this round was close to 20 minutes. Rofl Thats like how long I took to walk the whole route when i was younger. Alot of people gave up half way during the run but at least i managed to complete the rounds. the problem with napfa test is that, the timing and requirements for each station should drop when someone becomes older, not increased T_T I guess I should start running.. maybe once i recover Cause i'm aching almost everywhere I feel like a vegetable. I can't even stand up without support. I have problems going down stairs. lol so the moral of the story is. Keep fit or become a vege date: Tuesday, February 12, 2008
title:
time: 2/12/2008 08:48:00 PM
motherfishballs! sigh..poor services these days. I'm really tired traveling here and there just to get my PSP fixed. In the end, nothing changes. Sigh They told me they couldn't do anything about. I was about to lose my cool. With that 80 bucks i saved up just to repair the speakers, i could've used it for something more important. I just took my console from the technician's hand and walked out the store. Nothing more said. I can't deal with people who're retarded How hard is it to understand that this piece of crap came back in a worse condition after repairing due to lack of technical expertise? And that they have to fucking fix this piece of junk without me having to fork out more moolas. motherfucks. Now, i got 2 broken down PSP. What are doing now? They're just paperweights. I think getting another one won't be worth it. I don't put it to much use anymore. Yea, i see kids with PSPs everywhere nowadays. Its the trend, yea. Lol Thanks for a year's worth of company, sayonara. lol Thank goodness. The difference between a still life and a living thing. Your heart aches when it breaksks down and you cry for the one you dear when they go. Get me? lol you wanna know what technology lacks these days? being shock proof.. good dang it. I need a shockproof gadget and with that sad. I have two doors stoppers. or maybe one door stopper and the other a paperweight. Yes, both are PSPs. my wallet has nothing but holes. date: Sunday, February 10, 2008
title: oh my cow! this can't be happening.
time: 2/10/2008 09:43:00 PM
*deep breather* Wahaha I can have a little peace. The only problem left is that, my parents won't stop opening my doors. Ah there goes privacy, like as if there was any to begin with. I spent only 5 hours sleeping after coming back from work the night before. Got up early in the morning and got back to work for a 12 hour shift. Yes, its really tiring. I've released something, I've been stuck working with this company for about over a year but my pay have yet to get another increase.The last one was half a year ago, and its still feels low. Maybe I should try see if there is another possibility for an increment. I'm not the only person sighing out "oh! everything is getting more expensive but my pay isn't getting any higher". Listening to people say it is frustrating enough and knowing that my own pay sucks, thats a different story. My guess is, I have 2 months after graduation before I get enlisted. If that is, during that intake, its not fully occupied. The road to becoming a man, here I come. OH! also, my cousin gave me a large ass box of granola chewy bars, like theres 30 over bars in there. Its gonna take awhile to finish o_o fruit and nuts, yum oh yea. the most shocking thing occured today =o i'll post it later after I'm done kicking Marcus's butt on gunbound daaaaaaaaaa!!! date: Friday, February 8, 2008
title: family dinner da
time: 2/08/2008 10:41:00 PM
Who says a Malay guy can't celebrate Chinese new year?With a big inter-racial family, yea I can. My uncle is Chinese, so we can celebrate Chinese new year altogether! Apparently it was quite packed in the house. Almost everyone from my mother's side of the family came. It was so much fun. STEAMBOAT~ YEA~~~~~~ I Haven't had one of those for ages. It was soo good. Damn it man, I'm the only person among the eldest children of the family who can't cook. So shameful. Thats it, I've decided! I MUST LEARN COOKING! Oh yea, my aunt gave me a present. One of those Kenneth Cole : Reaction, watches. Its quite amazing. I hadn't worn a watch since my last one broke down on me, which was also given to me by the same aunt. My bro got an mp3 player. Oh yea, I got an Ashworth laptop bag as well, lucky lucky. THANK YOU AUNT! OH YEA, WE GOT ANG BAOS AS WELL! HUAT AH! Fudge, I really need a camera. Sometimes, the good times just needs a picture. On a side note, fizzy drinks + too much appetizers + steamboat + grills + too much choco banana crepes = bad sorethroat Oh did i mention oranges as well? Yea. its no good date:
title: Aha! New Year Dinner!
time: 2/08/2008 10:19:00 AM
I took an off day from work today! Well, I don't see how its good news to you guys but its definitely good news to me.I'm going over to Shak's place for dinner today! Muahahahaha My cousin, Nadia,just came back from canada! I'm gonna go visit her as well! Its coincidental cause, she's staying over at Shak's place. Ahaahaha. Killing two birds with one stone I might say. My PSP, its game over for it. There goes a few hundred bucks. Guess I'll just save up for Burnout - In Paradise. Maybe I should add a small HDTV for playing leisure *gasp* Whats playing a high-definition game without a high-definition Tv-set? Finally I'll be putting some use to my 360 again! (maybe) date: Wednesday, February 6, 2008
title: First experience
time: 2/06/2008 03:04:00 PM
Today is horrible, thats all I can sayI went to school, and went back home after just 5 minutes. I think it was much lesser than that but I didn't really keep track of time. So that was what a half day meant. Just coming to school just to wish your teachers "happy cny". Fuck those bald bastards behind their desks. Bunch of useless assholes. Even after all that shit I went through. Literally. I got bird crap on my head today. And I thought it was raining. I wiped my head with tissue and there it was, brown stains. Great, isn't it? I got back my PSP, and I misplaced my battery, so I got back my spare battery from Gene. One problem after another. I'm going back down to the game shop after CNY and give them a piece of my mind. I have the scenarios made up in my head "YOU M**************S THINK ITS FUNNY? MAKING ME PAY SO MUCH MONEY FOR SOME LOUSY SERVICE?" Think thats too harsh? Well was that lousy service worth my money? First the speaker, now my UMD player isn't working. And I swear I did not do anything to it. If they're gonna making me pay for the next repair. Its no more mr nice guy I won't mind paying them all the money in the world, if money flew down from the sky that is. But, this is my hard earned money, I saved up for so long. Hell, I didn't know they were even going to make me pay even though I had a warranty. Even after all that, this lousy shit service. I've prepared a good line to say to them if they messed up again, "you retards are wasting my time here and testing my stupidity." I don't know if I should remain calm about this, maybe I should just go back down now and screw their brains before their celebrations. truly, what the ****.... date: Monday, February 4, 2008
title: Independence
time: 2/04/2008 04:51:00 PM
Really.. How hard can it get to rely on someone for help?If doing things solo means to take care of my own shit plus additional crap from my teammates. What does teamwork mean? Or where has it gone to? Maybe the report should be like this : Team leader : Guy X Team members : Me , Guy Y Planning done by: Me Researching done by: Me Presentation done by: Me Report witting done by: Me Pictures taken by: Me Soldering done by: Me Quality check done by: Me Testing done by : Me Presented by : Me in other words, all credits goes to Me As for the other two; People who slept throughout the entire 3 months project work : Guy X, Guy Y Really, I feel that things are just getting out of hand. We're almost graduating and problem like these still linger. Maybe I'll just put their names in there just for the sake of putting. Under non-contributers section. Ah well, I have witnesses anyway. The teacher is the main one. Just because I've yet to speak a word, nothing is going through my mind. Be careful. It could be your bad in the end. date:
title: When you just had enough.
time: 2/04/2008 12:34:00 AM
When you've just had enough with someone, you feel like you just don't give a fuck anymore. (you = referring to myself)Sometimes I don't know how people read, they read the bad parts and missed out whats in the middle. Thats like trying order a fish burger without fish, and you fuck them on the deal because theres only tartar sauce inside. What the fish? Like can you not say shit for something I have not said? If I say things, I say things directly, I don't go "around the world". If I said "screw you", that means i said "screw you", its not the same when i said "f*** you". So if I left it at that, it remains the last thing I said was "screw you" Don't assume anything else. Sometimes I feel as if talking to non-living things are much better. E.g. drawing a face on the wall and begin talking about nonchalant things to it. I think its much more fun. It won't scold you for the wrong shit you say. It won't get emo. Do yourself a favor, stop trying to be all high and mighty, it'll do good for you and the people around you. Oh you think I'm wrong? Well sorry for being one-sided but thats how I really think it is. If you can't take facts straight in the face, talking to me would be the last thing you want to do. geez, sometimes trying to help people change is a pain in the ass especially when they refuse to accept certain facts. hell I didn't know a simple word of mouth can be perceived as a nagging. Maybe its still a little too early for youngsters to get the meaning behind why people do certain things for them. Their only specialty is, talking back. I'll leave it up to the whoever reads this think of whoever I'm referring to. I may or may not be.. if you see a name in this, tell me. I'd like to whip out my magnifying glass sitting in the dusts to look for it. date: Sunday, February 3, 2008
title: PUDDING!
time: 2/03/2008 12:30:00 AM
*sinister laughs*I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT MANGO PUDDING, I FOUND IT IN MY FRIDGE! *grabs it and munch on it* I love mango pudding Dang, having done that, I must go down to the stores and replenish the stocks at home or somebody is gonna get mad. But I do hope nobody bust down my door the next morning going "YOU STOLE MY MANGO PUDDING DIDN'T YOU?", don't want that. lol Oh yea, somebody at work bought a large choco cake and shared with everybody,as a gift for the upcoming Chinese New Year celebration. The thing about good things is that, once you had too much of it, you get sick of it. Lol. For me, I think i took one bite too many, too much choco is bad @_@ shit, i have 2 more weeks to complete my final's project, although being in a group, it feels like I'm doing a one man show. Although people need each other's help at times, but sometimes, it makes you feel like refusing their help is better. fucktards. Makes me wanna yell out "why not you just bang your face against the wall asshole, that'll help me". lol Like RP said "We can work together but we can't work with each other" Countdown 1 more freaking month to final exams and after that, time to graduate! like from school boy to normal civilian to army boy wow thats two levels up. date: Tuesday, January 29, 2008
title: natsukashi
time: 1/29/2008 10:22:00 PM
OH YEA, I'M SICK! I'M DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS *cough cough*I've been taking cough lozenges since days and I figured, Its not working. I've been taking cough medicine and it seems, its not working either. My chest really hurts, and my forehead feels like it just got out from a BBQ pit. Gosh Maybe I got it from my mom/dad since both had it. I've been coughing since Thursday and my throat feels really sore right now, like as if someone just filed my throat with a sandpaper. Maybe in due time, I'll be cured but for now, its getting worst. Oh gosh. I'm not taking offs from school because there are some important things going on, can't afford to lose time. Yea now you know, price for time is priceless. Looking back on this blog, I kept thinking "how much of my memories have I poured in this?". So I went through some of the past posts, and yea I felt really really nostalgic. "Geez I didn't know I was like that" keep running in circles through my head. Have you ever felt like that before? AHAHA I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WAS ME date: Monday, January 28, 2008
title: unlucky
time: 1/28/2008 09:17:00 PM
Okay so my desktop died on meMy PSP died on me Somebody broke my locker's padlock in school and replaced it with another I had to borrow tools from the teacher to break that lock, I'm lucky my stuff stayed intact.Didn't know who the culprit was Even though there was a CCTV Camera right above the lockers, I don't think its working anymore, besides, even the teacher said it himself Great so I'm left with just my laptop and an mp3 player. Now I'm just stuck with having to study and listen to music. No more games for me, for the time being that is. Well that sucks though, I wanted to play my Fight Night till at least I retire my character, lol. Guess it ain't gonna happen right now Well the faulty PSP is indeed my fault But the desktop, gosh, I'm not even using it, why should I be the one to be giving the Service Center a call? dang it.. Troublesome Okay yes yes, the elder one always need to show good example to the youngsters. damn, and just awhile ago I went down to the service center to see if my PSP is already.Geez... they told me I have to wait somemore.. C'mon wtf? I've already waited for 2 weeks. Now I gotta wait another week? I CAME DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS. Well at least i didn't catch a fever. thats good enough although now its a little hard for me to talk cause my throat is so sore, so if you hear me talking, its like talking to an abominable yeti. lol shit my braids got loose, i can't tie it by myself lol. date: Thursday, January 24, 2008
title: is it break time? I don't think so!
time: 1/24/2008 03:42:00 PM
Wahaha!I finally got some cleaning done around the house. Its tough when there isn't anyone else around to help you. Its like as if I'm living alone. lol Life is bitch at times. Good thing there was a class postpone in the afternoon, otherwise these trash would just lay here for another decade or so. Lol the problem just doesn't end there. Problems after problems. Not just mine, others as well. And I'm like "what the hell? why are you coming to me with your problem, get the fuck away, I have my own shit do deal with", or so i wish to say. But I find it hard to push away some things sometimes. Unless it involves something I really hate like "MONEY". Doh Sigh, the service center have yet to give me a call, maybe my PSP is like totally beyond repair, lol. I like.. totally dropped it on the floor. There was something wrong with the speakers when i turned it back on to test for faultiness. DANG! THEY TOLD ME THE WIRE CONNECTED TO THE MOTHERBOARD SNAPPED. lol The PSP is really fragile. Luckily for me, I still had the warranty. Otherwise, its GG all over again Ugh I'm bored T_T I'm still a little unmotivated to move all my pictures from one web host to another web host. Its like.... troublesome.. Pictures of the trips here and there and blah blah blah. oh yea theres one more thing actually when a good friend of mine came back from the States, he gave me and some fellas a treat to pizza hut. Well.. we didn't ask for it Pardon the blurness, ironically it was taken with a 5mp camera phone. Either the camera sucked or the one taking it had shaky hands, lol   date: Sunday, January 20, 2008
title: gosh, what a week
time: 1/20/2008 12:26:00 AM
Gosh, its horrible week.I just bought a new household appliance and it caused me to be broke for the rest of the month. So soon, I got to wake up at 3am and walk to school so I won't end up late cause I'm short on fare. I can say I'm really bad at managing my own money, heck, I don't even trust myself with money. But its not like i need a finance manager right now. Lol. Its like every time I see money in pocket, It has to go. I don't know why, its like I got money disease. Its like as though my hands dislike the sight of money. And just a few days back, right after I woke up, I knocked my PSP off my desk and dropped it t the floor. Yes. IT DROPPED, I'm like "again?". Well everything seemed okay with it but it took me some time to realise that the player was really emitting any sounds. So yea I'm like "dang, what should I do now?" lol I'm such a blur prick I can't even avoid knocking my PSP off while trying to pick up my glasses. So I went down to get my console serviced that evening, but they told me it'll be under their care for at least 3 days. Sure enough, on the 3rd day of wait, I received a call. They told me I need to wait another week cause they're gonna send it over to the big boys. Sigh, its kinda hectic these days. Weather is extreme, Its either freaking hot or freaking raining. The weather is so screwed I can't even do my laundry properly. I only have less than 2 more months to graduation, my finals are coming up. I'm putting aside my working days to spend more time revising. Ah.. much headache there. HEADACHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! date: Thursday, January 10, 2008
title: school reopens
time: 1/10/2008 12:43:00 AM
School reopens! Boo! Ugh! Damn!Just as I've expected, no changes. Everything stays the same. Its easy to accept meaningless "Happy New Year!" wishes, though its a little hard to accept reality. Some people just don't feel the need to change, not even the slightest. Their low self-esteemed selves just pulls down my motivation to change. Maybe pessimistic people will remain pessimistic. I thought I'd walk right into class with the teacher ready to teach, I was hyped up. I got there and... nothing ever really happened... Just kinda spoils my day. Although the only thing that changed are the looks, everything else, stays intact. It just makes me wanna cuss out "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS?!" Really,me being there was just a waste of time, money and energy. And we're actually doing this for the sake of our attendance, ain't that messed up? *we as in my class* lol As for my holiday, a month just went by like that, it seems really fast when its a holiday. But when its a month spent in school, its just too freaking long.. sigh At last I've learnt how to braid hair, rofl. Though its kinda hard to do it by myself. So I had to get my friend to do it for me. Well.. I didn't braid my whole hair, Just the back. I'd rather go for dreads *odd look* Well my hair is long but not THAT long. Long enough to make a small braid, rofl. The best time so far for this week was.. I got to meet up with May and Marcus again. Its been a long time since i met up with those two, they're really looked abit different already, lol. Somehow, we ended up talking about those times we played maple. Arguments, agreements, disagreements were all in. I can't deny that although playing such a whacky game, it led to meeting awesome friends. (you know who you are) lol Met up with an old friend who just got back from the States. Gonna meet up again to get a drink! (eh.. no alcoholic drinks for me though) Work work work work and more stressful working. As though thats much fun, sheesh. sigh. I've been getting less sleep lately so my left eye kinda twitches alot lately. hurts. maybe i should get more rest. date: Tuesday, January 1, 2008
title: Ah.... new year just went past
time: 1/01/2008 04:20:00 AM
ah shat, new year just went byWell that really sucked. thinking back on 2007, I don't think I've accomplished much. More like I had already forgotten what my 2007's resolutions were. Lol I really am messed up. A year goes by really fast, it felt as though it went by within a blink of an eye. Every year seems like the same to me anyway, we only grow older thats all. To some,yea that grow older but their level of maturity stays the same. Lol. Some things just don't change aaah, the heck am I doing this late. Its near 5 in the morning. I picked up my phone and saw the mass spam of messages and I thought to myself "Ah, its that time of that year again, no wonder the flooding of mails." To those who did not receive my mail, Merry X-mas (belated) and a happy new year. Finally i found some of the pictures that i took during the trip to KL. Its only a few, and it doesn't have people in it, lol. More like what the room of the hotel seems like and the view from the window. Lol i regret not having to take so much pictures. Personally, i couldn't cause my phone's camera function sucked so bad. I don't even think its wise to be changing phones as well cause I'm gonna get into the army soon enough. Sigh. My new year's resolution? I wonder what that could be.Maybe I should think of something realistic this time, instead of something I'd normally procrastinate on. Maybe I should start doing some exercise. Maybe... That made it sound as though I'm really low self-esteemed. *think positive, think positive* AHHHHHHHHHHH!~~~~~ My body felt like breaking apart when I swam early in the morning with Jon. We did like 20 laps in that pool of 50meters. It felt so hurtful completing just the first lap. That just goes to show how nimble my body has become as a result of slacking off too much. I took more than an hour to complete the laps (-__-") If i were younger, I could've done more. lol Now I'm making it seem as though I'm really old, Gosh. okay okay, I'm not even 20 yet alright. I used to love swimming back in the days, I could swim 2k with no problem at that time. I can still remember it. It was back when I was in primary school. Lol Back then I took swimming lessons, I was so energetic Now even 1km seems like a struggle. I should do somemore (O.O;) but for now I'll take a little break lol. Over and out Great, I'm gonna spend the first day of the new year working, well done me! date: Saturday, December 29, 2007
title: Tribute - My 1st Lv
time: 12/29/2007 11:49:00 PM
To gain something, you must sacrifice something of equivalent valueI came across this quote that had a deep impact on me With every gain, there must be loss. With joy, there will be pain With happiness, there will be sadness With love, there will be hate. How I felt.. Towards that person.. I loved her so much. But the main obstacle remains a hinder, we were two worlds apart. It brought pain and sadness, at the same time happiness and joy. My way of thinking is that, some things in life don't last forever. There was no telling what could really happen. It was good while it lasted. And by the time I realized something was wrong. It was already too late. We gradually grew apart. Everything was just swooped away within a blink of an eye. In due time, there was no talking between us. Those times afterwards was just a trip downhill, It was really painful. I did nothing but blamed myself for everything. I felt like such a fool The only things that kept going through my head were "WHY? WHY? WHY?" "Why did this happen?" Even though I gave much thought about the problems I've never talked about the problems I've never asked about them. I didn't think of ways to improve things I just stood silently in dark. I felt so irresponsible. Even now, in this time, I'm feeling guilty Even now, in this time when we talk, I can still say things so irresponsibly As though nothing happened between us. I kept thinking of much it may pain you as well. My feelings throughout all those times were true. i can't say all that I wanted to say right now There are just some things that can't be put to words But it took me long enough to pen it down I was told, that time would heal But the scars remained If i think back to those time, I can still feel the pain pinching my heart. You'll always be my first love Nothing will change that But one day, I may even forget about you So please, when a time comes, let me apologize to you properly. date: Saturday, December 22, 2007
title: self test
time: 12/22/2007 11:32:00 PM
it seems like i took all sorts of tests these days, lolsometimes i wonder if the outcome are true or not. i just take it as an experience, no harm in reading (^_^)" Get to know yourself better Your view on yourself: Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. Your views on education Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. The right job for you: You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success. How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long. taken from quizbox. i'm going to KL, Malaysia! in the new couple of hours lol wishes to all who're celebrating this coming xmas! date: Wednesday, December 5, 2007
title: Lets Advance! NOT!
time: 12/05/2007 10:19:00 PM
Its that time of the year that calls for a damned holiday again alright.The school feels like a haunted factory, theres hardly anyone in it apart from students in my department. Teachers can't even be bothered to teach. Students are just shaking their legs about. Its horrid. Sigh, 10 more days to go. I just finished my 4 days job shift, now i can take the other days off for the week. Maybe I can go do some shopping for my computer parts. date: Monday, November 26, 2007
title: This can't be!
time: 11/26/2007 12:35:00 AM
At work, this little girl called me an "Uncle" WTF!? Oh c'mon, I'm only 19 for goodness sake. Ah, I guess it can't be helped since she's little.Work progressed a little slower than usual today, maybe its still thanks to the blues. its highly contagious. Time is running out, my draft is not ready and my project is nowhere near completion. I'm screwed. I think I'll need the whole of my holiday period to complete it. Sigh, Ubber sigh. I think I should sign up for a new mobile phone plan. Something is wrong with my current one. date: Tuesday, August 28, 2007
title: omg no!
time: 8/28/2007 10:03:00 PM
OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Well, its nothing big, I just had a haircut. Though i won't really call it a cut although they did a cut, instead a trim. Lol whats the big difference anyway. I got to trim my long curly fringe, It was too troublesome. Yea, every time i taking a shower, my fringe just keeps covering my face and its all the way down to my chin, no kidding. Well after the lady trimmed it, I head suddenly felt 'lighter'. Still noone could tell the difference. Feels much better now, I don't have to flick my hair aside everytime it falls on my eyes. My cousins kept recommending me to go for a bald cut, I kindly refused. My thumbs got cramped, I guess i played Dj max too long on my psp. I'm still a noobie lol but so far I just started the 8 buttons mode, Its crazy. I heard from a friend of mine that good games are being released this season. For me, the much anticipated Janne De Arc has finally gotten an english version out! Probably gonna save up for it. Sigh Rather than trying ways of how to save up for the game, I should be worrying about my upcoming tests. I'm near debarment for one module due to 'poor attendance' in which was announced probably self declared by the teacher. Son of bitch, he says its all electronically registered but we don't have any sort of electrical attendance marking system. Just a mere electronic attendance list, and he's boasting it was all done electronically. But in the first place, If noone inserted any input, where did all the output derive from? So now i had to sign for an appeal letter. If this does not go through, I'm screwed. Its another 6 months for me or extra classes. Just half a year to go and I'm already facing shits like these.It truly calls for a "what the f*ck man". The other thing is.. 18 out of 22 in the class are receiving the appeal form. So its like, are just 4 people attending his classes regularly? I don't think so. Maybe the attendance scheme was done by mere guessing of who was present and who was not, who's lucky or who's not. Its fucking biased. And how dare he tell us to go get our notes from our lockers and not teach anything when we got it? Joke? I had a long talk with my class adviser, it seems, I'm being targeted by the "People upstairs" meaning my head of department. Cause he said I was supposedly a potential student. I couldn't care less what they labeled me but I can't take crap such as this as a joke. its simply not a laughing matter I better get off, I still have loads of practice to do on programming.. I hate coding date:
title: reminiscent of adolescence , taking responsibility
time: 8/28/2007 02:08:00 AM
I'm not too sure whats wrong with me but whenever I'm stoning doing nothing, I just get flashbacks for the past. And the feeling is really nostalgic. Ah, I just love that feeling. Thinking back, I thought I was rather childish, especially during secondary school days. Acting all tough and getting myself into all sorts of trouble. I had my fair share of quarrels and fights. I was told that, we only live once in this world, so we mustn't waste the time given to us.Time really waits for nobody. Thus the reason for the failure of my studies, I was too busy enjoying the "good life" if i may even call it that. You might now know but I was really into heavy metal music back then. Whenever I got fed up or upset, I just pop those earpiece in my ears and maxed the volume of the player. Its easy to relax, especially for me, cause just like listening to these hardcore music, my heart was screaming it all out as well. Silently that is. Actually I appreciate all sorts music, I love the different types of art.Most of the time I would, appear during school assembly on time or late. I used to be there EARLY like by an hour but that was only when my dad sent me to school. For being late, I ended up in detention quite often. There was one particular time I almost got caning for vandalism but got away with a detention.Very uncool huh Ah well, as time progresses, eventually I was separated from my former class since I had to repeat for a year. It was, the most embarrassing moment ever. Imagining having to attend classes with your juniors. Actually things got worst after that cause of all the bad influence and stuff. Everyday was just like having a party. Sleeping in class, coming back home late each day because I went over to a friend's house to play games. I didn't have consoles back then, not even a computer. lol I took me a long time to realize my mistakes, by the time i ACTUALLY realized it, it was already past "Game Over". I guess I would've called myself dumb for getting into all the mess. Self-centered for not realizing my parent's pain and most of all, childish. I was spoilt and lacked discipline. Even though my family tried helping me, I treated them as though they were nothing. I kept running away from reality. That is the truth. Though there is a saying, what goes around, comes around. Eventually, it hit me hard. To me, its like I'm already facing retribution.I'm not taking it as punishment, but instead a lesson. Though I might not show it, I'm grateful to those who haven't given up on me, especially my parents. The reason why I'm literally working hard. I give part of my salary to my mom. I don't take pocket money from my dad. But it can't compare to raising me up. Lol *sees tai's nick at the shoutbox and waves madly at her* hope you're well yourself date: Saturday, August 25, 2007
title: cute boy
time: 8/25/2007 10:21:00 AM
cute right???!? lol, i got it off the forums. date: Friday, August 24, 2007
title: wow, this is bad
time: 8/24/2007 08:34:00 PM
You are The DevilMateriality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition. Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it. What Tarot Card are You? date: Friday, August 17, 2007
title: cool site i crossed upon
time: 8/17/2007 02:32:00 PM
i was scanning through the forums where i came across this interesting thread linking to another website that determines which kind of animal you fall underheres the link! CLICK MOI! I'm not sure of its accuracy but its quite interesting :) here's my result You are Blue Panther, who is humble, and even if you get thrown out from the place you went business on for the first time, you have the persistence to negotiate. You also possess a natural instinct to catch the best timing for bargaining. (sometimes only , lol) Your character is cheerful and calm. You respect rules and manners of the society, and are mild reasonable person. You are weak on theoretical persuasion. (this is true T.T) However you are good at negotiation using your natural sense. You have a quick mind if personal relationship is concerned. You don't mind doing service for the others. (if i'm not too lazy , lol) You are very humane person. (towards my cats? o_o i love cats) You also can not turn down favors. You tend to concentrate heavily in things like music and cinema. (Music for life!) You don't mind working and researching for a topic that interests you. (something like that..) You will not make shallow-minded comments, and you always think carefully before you speak. Although you are a man of few words, you cover that weakness being an active person. You can steadily and efficiently carry out matters. You can put your life for making your beliefs come true. You are an objective oriented person, and believes only what you get out of your effort is what you can trust. (huh?) lol, cool huh? date:
title: RE: Mimi's little game
time: 8/17/2007 12:26:00 AM
In Response to Pea's post or mimi's game or which it is. here's my little version Rules of the game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs! (sigh, i don't wanna do this :( ) lets see.. habits..weird things.. 1. I've been working/studying silly from the start of the year till now, I find that weird somehow. I'm not a workaholic got that! I'm just simply supporting myself 2. The tail at the back end of my hair is about 7 inches long ,maybe longer. Will grow longer 3. I frequently visit the 7-11 stores nowadays, shit knows why, maybe for a light snack before getting home from work 4. Currently hooked onto this game "DJ Max Portable2" on my PSP, rythemic-beat game. I'm still a noob though. 5. I have an unhealthy habit of eating cookies everyday, its starting to bore me, cookies that is, THEY ALL TASTES THE SAME ALREADY! 6. I'm not really a movie goer person (wonder if thats weird) 7. I work with a bunch of people who talks a lot of trash, I hope don't end up like them.Really 8. My brain is overcooked from overdose of coding lessons 9. I'm starting sleep later than usual, also resulting in waking up later than usual. I'm getting owned good by the teachers! 10. i go back to sleep even though i just woke up to turn off the alarm date: Sunday, July 29, 2007
title: WWE for the win!
time: 7/29/2007 12:33:00 PM
OH YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (nots its not WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE but its WWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, lol) front row seats baby! well its not exactly near the ring but oh well, its close enough but not enough to witness close up action. $157 per ticket dude, gosh. Yet i have to thank the sponsor (shak) for including me in this rare event. 3 full hours of hardcore, sweaty hot bods smacking action. The sad thing was, there was too little trash talking on the mic lol, only between themselves but it was still loud enough. I believe it was a full house. it was crowded, the indoor stadium that is. There weren't really special matches like TCL or Cage matches and stuff like that. Only title belts on the line. It was really entertaining. Wow, you take a look at their bods and i swear it'll make you go "DAMN!" KANE IS TALLLLLL For me personally,the main attraction was the last match , battle of the giants, Batista Vs Khali the 7"3 giant. my gooooooooodness... overwhelming match. There were kids in the audience so i think the level of aggressiveness was toned down a little. But yea. they were pros... really pros. Screaming and shit, wow i nearly lost voice. It was kinda sad we didn't bring a digital cam around. Shak thought we weren't aloud to bring cameras in. but fuck? everyone had cameras lol I wanted to purchase a shirt but goodness gracious me, one would go for $35, woo It was kinda sad too, there were much special effects as i thought there were going to be. I was expecting fire infernos or fireworks and stuff like that lol, but got none of that lol. I am a big fan of WWE so getting to witness this event was just amazing. Although some people may think what they do in the ring may be fake but when you really get to see what they do, you'd be like "damn, that gotta hurt ALOT". The sounds produced from each smack, OUCHHHHHHHHHHH lol. They are pros afterall, i trust they know what they're doing Argh, it got late and after that, i crashed over at shak's place. I guess thats about it date: Sunday, July 22, 2007
title: wooo emo time
time: 7/22/2007 12:50:00 AM
well, school is not my cup of teaand work is like having tea poured all over myself i hate to admit it but school is just a big waste of time. most of the time spent doing nothing idling inside the class engaging in PSP session. They do teach, yes thats true but they don't make most of their time there to the max. I'm spending off my transportation fees daily for attendence's sake. I feel its best we just stay home and do some self-study. From time to time, we do get foreign students to visit our campus, touring around. They always, i repeat, ALWAYS pop in on a bad timing. Its like we just completed our work an hour ago and we're idling, they just barge in out of nowhere with their teacher going "alright, have a look around". For goodness sake, whats there to look at? we're stoning, doing nothing. No doubt, they're having that "what the hell are they doing?" thoughts running through their minds. Its just wrong. school by day, work by night. my life is a complete mess. i have problems trying to sleep,problems with waking up on time for school. infact, i have problems with everything. one problem may/can lead to another sparking new problems and/or conflicts. Like money, how money can be a huge problem as well, how it brought about each other's true colours.. selfishness.. arrogance.. insesitivity and thus ending up with you losing a friend or two. yes it happened to me, not just with one but two. it just ticks me off how the other party judge you and your wishlist. Who are you to judge? tell me i'm curious Theres no harm in wanting to feel like getting something but in actual fact we know we won't buy it. It pisses me off to know someone rushing me to pay off my debt TO THEIR CONVENIENCE without prioritizing the other party's situation. It pisses me off more when the creditor is ignorant, rude and self-centered. I gave my word that i'll return the full amount of money i owed. Hell, some people don't even bother to return what they owed. I hate persistant assholes who keeps bugging to get their money transfered to them asap when they're too lazy to come down and get their own motherfucking paycheck. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR A FUCKING FAVOUR POLITELY AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO THANK PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY DID TO YOU. IS money the true source of evil or is it technology? Its true i've been avoiding my circle of social life. But i'd rather stay by my lonely self. Ir hurts more to keep on calling these people 'friends'. woo emo time is over, off to sleep date: Wednesday, July 18, 2007
title: its time to post!
time: 7/18/2007 10:57:00 PM
Should i post or shouldn't i!? i feel like my blog has collected lots and lots of dust bunnies. argh maybe i'll take a nap firstdate: Sunday, July 8, 2007
title: The month of july
time: 7/08/2007 12:15:00 AM
geez, i wonder how long its been, this blog brings back memories. Lol just kidding, making it seem as though its been gone for years and out of the blue been recovered.ARGH, its the month of july already. Time goes by real fast when you don't want it to, time really waits for noone. Just a few more days and its back to school for me. Wanna know how i spent my long waited for holiday? work work work, yea, its a beautiful word ain't it? "Work" lol. No i didn't just work all the time, I also slept, slept more than i work but almost equal. Had very little time to hang out cause most of the time its always 1. I'm being asked out when I'm working 2. Nobody wants to go out when I'm having an off day 3. I'm too tired to go out even if its an off day 4. The $$ is the red zone sometimes, i think, its better to go out and do your own shopping alone. lol, cause everything is self-decided. Where you go, what you buy, how long you take.. IT DOESNT MATTER! But then again, with regards to money concerns.. it really does matter o.o Maybe, i should ask for more off days instead of the usual 1 day off per week, since school is reopening and i DO need more TIME for studying. I've been neglecting my studies for waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to long. Working gives me alot of shit to put up with, and really, i've learnt quite abit about the nature of people. Well one i must say, is that, your customers are your king/queens. Absolute royals, neither words nor actions can oppose them. They are always right even though they're wrong at times. Lol sometimes its kinda unfair, i wished they tried to step into our shoes for once. Really makes me wanna kick a tree down, well.. not literally but yea. ah i guess thats about it from me for now.. I gotta catch up on my rest. the bed is calling me "come lie down, come sleep" kinda creepy but yea, goodnite, oyasuminasai date: Tuesday, June 26, 2007
title: random post no. 124314243543
time: 6/26/2007 01:07:00 AM
i'm trying to keep my eyes awake blogging this.well i'll say life for me is still the same but cancel out the word 'school' out and i get more of the 'work' word. No, i didn't drop out of school. Instead, I just started having my holidays or should i say it started a week ago. Yea, my holidays starts late but at least it doesn't clash much with my younger bro's holidays. If it did then it'll really get ugly. i don't know what the heck i'm doing anymore, it feels like i've totally lost my social life.I can only rely on gadgets to keep me company and occupied. Maybe i won't say i totally lost it, maybe the timing are just bad each time. But hey, every once in awhile, good things are bound to come around don't they?as for this week,i'm gonna hang out with marcus & may again, movie and pool? (perhaps) and may might even be inviting zhi hong along, long story but yea.. maybe dinner too (who knows) my budget seems pretty tight these few days, i'm wondering how to not overspend. I'm bad at financing my own cash. For me, I can't have money in my wallet, i get the urge to buy something(heck, anything) Its hard to control. The only thing i do spend on with my money hmmm..... are the top up cards, transport and food..simple ain't it i......................................... will continue this some other time, i can't take it anymore. my body is too weak at the moment, my head hurts like as though someone threw a golden banana at me. Long working shifts, is a pain. date: Friday, June 15, 2007
title: random posting
time: 6/15/2007 10:51:00 AM
Its boring these days. As you know its already the holiday period for some peeps, the holiday mood sets in even thought we're still having normal lessons.So whenever we're at school, the teachers aren't there. Whenever the students aren't there, the teachers are. Damn, thats stilly. And at times, they wanna put us at fault for not being there and doing assignments and so forth. It happened to me quite a number of times, and i got kinda irritated with that so I could care less about going to school the next few days after. But i went for the last day, and lol all of the teachers were telling me to come to school regularly after the holidays, WTF? One even dared tell me "Man, your hair is _____________ long, go get a haircut" I was like WTF? its already the holidays you moron. Besides, my hair ain't that long, its just thick. I'm gonna get it trimmed thin soon, lol. sigh okay thats all i have to say for all those times i haven't posted shit in this dead blog date: Thursday, May 24, 2007
title: limitations
time: 5/24/2007 12:45:00 AM
my old phone is weak shit, i feel like trashing it against the wall, for real.its an old model, i gave my phone to my bro so he could listen to mp3 on the go. I'm fine with it since i don't really need it. But somehow I feel a little regretful, Its irritating deleting messages once in awhile since the internal memory of the phone is quite small and there isn't a slot where i could use external memory. I just want a phone with a really large memory, so i don't have to delete messages daily, its kinda irritating. I missed how it felt to use a phone and not delete messages for months, lol. But it takes a long ass time to delete all the stored messages I've kept and brought forward throughout. Decent help is kinda hard to find these days, be it with a friend or a colleague. Words such as "man, take over me today" just flashes through what you see in your phone inbox causing me to produce priceless reactions. Always backed up with a reason just so to escape from one's duty. There's always a thousand and one reason or more. Its like my teacher asking me why i had a reason for being late each time. Doh.. My whole body hurts all over, its really straining, i work equally the same amount of time i study. Ever realise how hard is it to get to sleep but your body won't rest eventhough the mind says its really tired. Thats how its like each night. Reason to why I end up late most of the time, plus the packed train i take to school everyday irritates me alot. Most of time is really spent on waiting, waiting for the bus, waiting for the train, waiting for this and that, etc. I skipped school today, to fulfill a desperate request, to replace someone at work whom failed to turn up.. and full shift at that, and i hadn't slept at all the night before. Imagine how frustrating that is, not having sleep at all, working 12 hours straight with caffein keeping me awake throughout. But the things i get in return, aren't exactly to be glad or excited for. My brain just wanted to burst, I said it "if you're just gonna push all the duties to me, should i just take my leave and go back to school?" Don't try go overboard with me, it won't be nice, even I have my own limits. date: Thursday, May 17, 2007
title: and there it goes again
time: 5/17/2007 08:59:00 PM
So...its been awhile since I've blogged anything, maybe my finger feels a bit ichy tonight. I hardly type these days, so maybe my typing may be a little rusty.I feel okay, so-so, not too stressed, not too eased, just fine. But very tired,very very tired. Workload, both school and work, increased. I can't wake up on time to get ready for school. Perhaps, I need to get an alarm clock, place it somewhere far from my reach so i'll have to wake up and throw it against the wall before I'm fully awake, lol. alright, so the past few weeks, i kept wanting to get an xmod but after doing some research online, i realised, its a little disappointing. It wasn't really as portable as i thought it would be. Some things changed for the better here and there, after much babbling and complaining. I guess I'll continue to work for a little more, after all. I'll need the cash too, for future studies and etc. The good thing is, i finally got off days.. lol.. I've been longing for it. Did the laundry that had piled up into mountains over the days, chores, etc etc. You know what i feel like doing....... I feel like getting a cook book next month with my salary and learn how to cook! no, not those instant type, i mean reaaalllll food. i feel its a little embarrassing being unable to cook, especially in my family tree, where most of them can cook and its really good. I wanna learn,I wanna learn! Who knows, maybe next time it'll come in handy if my future spouse doesn't know how to cook O_o; HAAHAHHAHAHA, just kidding. Also, I feel like getting a bicycle next month o_o I don't know why i get these weird feelings i want something odd. Maybe I should take courses for riding/driving a bike/car. I feel jealous of my friend, he's 20 yet he knows how to drive and ride. So cool :( I WANNA HIT THE GYM THIS COMING HOLIDAY!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ++++ I'M THINKING BUT I FEEL LIKE GETTING/DOING/BUYING FUNNY THINGS THESE DAYS. but the problem is..... I DON'T HAVE THE ++++ING TIME. A friend of mine just randomly asked girls for their numbers so he could "just make friends" , I'm like, what the fuck are you doing that for? and why is she dumb enough to give a stranger her number? My colleagues are really a bunch of casanovas, lol. Its kinda irritating when they pull me into the frame, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN THESE THINGS WHAT THE ++++ OH YEA, ERIC CAME TO MY SCHOOL AND I SAW HIM TWICE BUT HE DIDN'T GET TO SEE ME HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.. AND THE THING WAS, I WAS WALKING PAST WHERE HE AND HIS FRIENDS WERE SITTING, i already hinted to him that i was in black with white headsets. It was easy to spot him, since he's the only one wearing glasses. Oh my, he didn't notice me. my efforts to hint him gone to waste :( date: Thursday, May 10, 2007
title: happy birthday mother
time: 5/10/2007 12:36:00 AM
its my mom's birthday! she turned 44, i think.doesn't matter, can check my dad's birthday and compare, they're almost the same age, cept my mom is a month older, lol. i bought her a cake, and some presents. she seemed to happy receiving it, she was almost in tears, she said its her first time receiving a birthday gift. That, i was kinda shocked. But i felt like i did the right thing the dumbest dumbshit is happening in school, my teacher is the worst teacher i know, my modules are nothing but trash.I'd be better off studying on my own! but damn, i need the attendance.I don't wanna get a warning letter or that sorta stuff seems like this is the worst week ever, no off days, crews always leaving others on aeroplane, if you know what i mean. the manager owes me, huge time... if things don't improve by the end of the month, I'll take my paycheck and say so long, adios,sayonara,byebye. Off to find better prospects, lol. You know, my boss told me i earned the most among the part timers. Well of course,made me work like a fucking dumb shit robot, why won't it be. save up save up save up! i'm going to go get my Oakley's next month, MAYBE. I'm gonna get my xmod soon... maybe also. HAHAHAHA i'm outta cash soon. i just spent like another 160 today, all for my mom's bday. But yea, its worth it, seeing my mom happy like that date: Tuesday, May 8, 2007
title: worst day ever
time: 5/08/2007 12:03:00 AM
Its my birthday, not today but yesterday, the 7thnothing special as usual, just another ordinary day but hey, i got so many smses and wishes and wishes in advance too thanks everyone, i felt, a little happier school was a total bore, did nothing for a few hours straight, can imagine how slackish that was. Went to work and it was the worst day ever some punk went on a prank-spree, fucking with us on the phone, ordering and cancelling yet still having the cheek to wanting to place a new order.. i felt like i didn't have the heart to continue working anymore, this is as far as i could take it. Me, already in the worst possible mood and health, yet i still had the heart to work. some punk came and ruined it all for me. Who the fuck could do such despicable things and still be sane about "HEY HAVE YOU FINISHED MY ORDER? I'M IN MY CAR I'M ALMOST REACHING THERE IN A FEW MINUTES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?" reply : "sir we're done" guy : "OH YOU'RE DONE! K, I WANT TO CANCEL MY ORDER AND PLACE A NEW ORDER" this guy..... I won't mind if its just a sandwich on an off-peak period, but this ALOT OF FOOD WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, MORE THAN WHAT YOU CAN COUNT WITH BOTH YOUR HANDS PUT TOGETHER , THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH WASTAGE OF FOOD AND THE DAMAGE DONE. my colleagues were like "dude this is your worst bday ever" I can't care less if its my bday or shit,but one, to play with us like that. two, to waste food as though its nothing...yet.. during rush hour.. I've already worked here like one hell of a bitch, dragging my ass from school to work even though i'm tired, I CAN HARDLY SLEEP AT NIGHT, I HARDLY HAVE TIME TO MUG. STRESS GETS ACCUMULATED DAILY AND IT KEEPS PILING UP EACH DAY DAMN IT, I'M TRYING TO KEEP MY COOL AND THIS IS THE SHIT I GET BACK IN RETURN. this wednesday is my mom's birthday,like i said before, i'll get her a cake this year. thats the best i could give her p.s. as for the exit links, i'll go get back into it when i have the mood to replace this whole damn layout. date: Thursday, May 3, 2007
title: You grow older
time: 5/03/2007 06:03:00 PM
its coming, in four daysnot like its anything special, I just grow older thats all. Maybe this time i could get a cake for myself, I've always longed for one. I want one! with lots and lots of candles on it. But I'd be lying if i said i hadn't receive gifts. lol. sigh maybe this year, i can get my mom a cake,a durian cake as usual. I'm not sure about presents but hopefully the cake would be enough. I don't know what kind of stuff she likes, maybe she's too old for gadgets? sigh my off day my off day my off day, its here its here its here rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest!!!!!!!!!! i calculated the exact amount of hours i worked over the month of april from the payroll sheet printed out. 198 hours thats alot ain't it, i can finally start saving, little by little ths time, for sure. I might wanna save up for a pair of Oakley specs, from searching places all over, i found out a pair could cost an average of $5xx. maybe it'll take me a few months to save up for that. I'm not exactly brand concious but i like its style. heh, its about time i changed my lens too, i bet my deg went up.. again.. date: Wednesday, May 2, 2007
title: change of jobs?
time: 5/02/2007 12:13:00 AM
a friend of mine invited me to try working at his place, it sounds interesting, also tempting. I'm not sure if i should just accept or just stay where i'm working at right now. advantages and disadvantageshigher pay, much more convinient work timing amd location,nice environtment. but i have to start things fresh,a newbie in a new environment. in short, start everything from scratch if i just stay put at where i work, I'll get more fed up with the people i work with, the shit i have to put up with, the pay may not rise no matter how long i wait. but the only thing good is that, i already the skill required for work. so it won't be so troublesome. but gene told me his workplace is kinda slack. working at the night safari sounds interesting doesn't it. but the sad thing is that, they only started to ask gene if i was still available after 4 months of wait. and i'm surpised they still could remember. i don't know what to do.. i'll try have a talk with gene and my boss and see how things work out. i feel like a social outcast, even at work i feel like the only ones i'm talking to are the customers and its not even a proper conversation. I only have my cat left to play with, even after abandoning 20 of them. Just left with 3 of the most obedient of the bunch, although stubborn but very very cute. should i go out and venture into new horizons or stick put with what i have right now? take risks or play safe? sigh... all these talk about work makes me wanna puke badly, i barely have time to mug, I'm just relying on the basics i remembered and applying them when doing work in school. On days i just can't carry myself up, i just go to school the next day, spend my time sleeping the whole day. Continuing work in the evening as sick as ever. AHHH!!!! ORE SUKARECHATA!!!!!! TASUKETE KURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONEGAISHIMASU!!!! (wonder if i spelled that right) date: Tuesday, May 1, 2007
title: stressful sleepless nites
time: 5/01/2007 12:17:00 AM
I couldn't sleep last night, my whole was itching at night, so i just stayed up. The moment i feel asleep was the moment in which i was supposed to be on the way to school. 11am that is. My throat is burning up, my head is getting heaty and hurts alot whenever i cough. And i do cough alot. I feel like a pathetic old man with poor immune deficiancy. It can't be helped I guess, I'll just have to take it in.. I'm pretty much used to this anyway.One thing leads to another, whenever i say something nice, some people thinks i'm being sarcastic, when i really turn sarcastic, they laugh. When i really mean something i say, they think i'm lying. Sigh, please just stay the fuck far away from me. I hate, more than anything else, people who can't treat each other with equal amount of respect. date: Monday, April 30, 2007
title: work is depressing
time: 4/30/2007 05:05:00 AM
It seems that maybe perhaps.. just maybe perhaps, someone's been badmouthing me at work. Otherwise I won't really get such reviews from the boss. They're saying I'm starting to get playful.lol, its good to know the colleagues you work with could backstab you any minute, then i'd know such morons still exists in this worldIf i was playing around, did they think i'd keep going to work without fail and keep doing extra hours just for their sake. Why must i keep replacing others when noone wants to back me up when i needed time to recupperate. Its easy to call and say "could you come down now?" and so on and so on. If I left i wonder if they'll perform better without me. And they're like " we give you more hours to work, you complain. people giving you more money, you complain" and i was like "WHO THE FUCK IS GIVING ME MONEY? I'M WORKING FOR IT. YOU THINK MONEY JUST FELL FRM THE SKY LIKE SNOW?", fucking idiot, giving such ultimately dumb comments. i don't need money, i just need rest. any sane person would wanna say that I've been sick for the whole of last week up till now,even they know if and yet i hear stupid comments such as "no, if you're sick then you should just get someone else to help you, just take it easy" and yet i'm doing most of the work around. Being nice is useless when they just take your kindness for your weakness. You hardly say no and you get pushed around like a workaholic robot. I haven't slept, I cannot sleep. My body won't let me sleep.. I'm too depressed to sleep.. gotta pull myself back together.. you can do it! fight! date: Saturday, April 28, 2007
title: feeling unlucky
time: 4/28/2007 11:59:00 PM
my mood has sunk down, down, down, all the way down.I'm not sure its just coincidence or plain unluckiness but lately, i feel unlucky the weather has been bad theese few days, everytime i try to hang my laundry out to dry, it starts to pour my sickness is getting from bad to worst, not just my asthma, but every now and then, i feel like vomitting. the feeling of trying to puke it out but nothing wants to come out, really hurts, my eyes leaks everytime. Puts me in very difficult situation when it comes to work. everything thats happening in class is moving at a rather fast pace, lecturers are accelerating their teaching speed and our brains can't really keep up. so yea, it sucks. I had to spend 4 hours DOING TOTALLY NOTHING during practical class when i finished my project in just the 1st hour. Sat till my backbone could snap. Yesterday was the worst ever. I waited.. 2hours... 2 FUCK UP HOURS, IN THE FUCKING BUS STOP, WAITING FOR THE FUCKING BUS TO COME PICK ME UP. WTF! 2 HOURS,AND THATS HOW LONG I STOOD AND WAIT.. really.. my head felt like exploding at that time, since the first bus that came was so packed it couldn't take it anymore passengers but what the fuck, the next bus took an hour and a half just to arrive.. with overcrowding passengers. and the best thing is that the bus arrived a few minutes past midnight. I reached home at 1 am.. I fucking skipped school the next day, what the hell. Frankly speaking, I can't take this anymore. I wish i could stop working but then again i don't really want my parents to fork out money to support me. I'm already grown up and i wanna try being independent.But lately, I've been pushing myself around schooling and working like one mad bitch. My head hurts when studying in school (like anyone else's won't). And yea my whole body aches when I work. When i get home, my body gets too restless and i won't get proper sleep. And work ends at 10.30 instead of the usual 10.. the nonsense just won't end it seems.. when i get back home, my still have chores to do. I'm like.. what the fuck.. whats the point of having so many people in the family when noone helps you to do these things. The only thing my siblings do know how to do is gaming and its irritating the hell out of me, I'm not sure what to do/ what to say. Maybe i should just lock my computer? lock my room? yell at them? Kids these days are spoilt.. fucking spoilt.. I'm feeling like "I started working at the age of 10, what the fuck do you know about hard life? you're just 13 and take a look at yourself enjoying freedom" and oh, lastly, my bag's sling snapped, there goes my $70 bag, and i even tried to put it back together but it feel to the floor twice.. lol.. does anyone know my pain? i wonder date: Friday, April 27, 2007
title: a month goes by, a new month begins
time: 4/27/2007 09:30:00 AM
The past few days were really hard. I had problems with sleep and breathing. Although I was really sleepy, my body just didn't want to go to sleep. I kept having to use the inhaler every once in awhile. I don't know if its because of the weather or if its me.. but it was just the worst feeling of all times.I was unsure if what I ate/drink affected my health or something or that sort, cause i felt like catching asthma even after drinking plain water. Now I'm starting to begin if i can cope up with this whole work/schooling thing anymore. I can't do things anymore, like i'd get much freetime anymore. Its easy for them to keep calling me back to work eventhough its my off day. But there's always nobody to back me up when I wanted an off day. Through these months, I've never declined a favor nor asked for an off day, I'm stupid aren't I. It feels like i'm letting them take advantage of me, like i'm a freaking robot or something. argh, my mp3 is getting scratches all over, i'm begining to wonder if having protective casing even works when it just continues to scratch even with it on. Pathetic ain't it, protective casing that damages. the month of may is coming up soon, pay day is coming up soon too, and it falls on the best day ever, just kidding. its just some other day. But my class sure has alot of May-babies, I have classmates whose bday falls on the 2nd,4th,5th,6th and 7th, the 13th and others whom i've forgot, but thats like half the class already. One classmate jokingly said "good mah, can whack people till satisfied". Just like that, and a year goes by.. its fast. date: Wednesday, April 25, 2007
title: SLEEP
time: 4/25/2007 10:29:00 PM
sleepless sleepless nightscan't shake off this feeling off, so lethargic i was up like all night like a pathetic moron, turning the comp on and off every 5 mins. Getting in bed and getting out of bed every 5 mins or so. but the very least, i slept for an hour, the alarm went off and i felt like my whole body got heavier. The alarm was so annoying i felt like slamming my cellphone against the solid wall. to hell with the blogging, i'm off to sleep date: Saturday, April 21, 2007
title: stars are out tonight, finally
time: 4/21/2007 11:50:00 PM
I can see the stars out tonight, but its not that pretty tonight.I like the stars, i can just watch nothing but the stars for hours.Literally, I've done that lots I got so much burden on me right now but the most important right now is trying to get more off days for resting. Been feeling really fucking lethargic lately. And ever since school began, it just made things worst. its not pleasant, not at all. As far as my grades go, i just need to maintain or get better, i'll achieve my goal, I missed my goal just by a little.. my target was 3.5, I got a 3.45. My final year,gotta work extra hard. anyway, to jon, happy b-day, you fag. you 19 y.o. fag. Time flies by so quick doesn't it, i think loo's bday passed too, anyone else i missed out? I haven't been keeping track lately. More like I forgotten about it. sigh, problems here and there, I can't take it anymore, I've been in care-free mode lately, if words and actions are just but futile, leave it be. I could care less trying to solve it. I won't say anything, I won't do anything. Its a complete waste of my time, my efforts, my emotions etc etc etc. I could care less too if you're a friend, a family member,a colleague, a stranger. Just think for myself for once, just like how others just think for themselves. But I'm the type thats "treat me with respect and i'll treat you equally","treat me like shit and shit is what you get". date: Wednesday, April 18, 2007
title: cramp legs
time: 4/18/2007 04:38:00 PM
i can hardly walk properly, thats how tired i ami got a day off today, and i took an off day from school too school is still in a shitty condition, everyone is class is still the same and i hold 3rd pos in class this year, still my points are still kinda low but oh well. i'll just have to work extra harder this year, literally woah, my frustration level is at max. i just need time to cool off my whole body hurts so much i have trouble sleeping, at most, i get 3 hours of sleep each day since the last two days.. so today i'll sleep extra longer, if i could date: Sunday, April 15, 2007
title: hah, i fell sick
time: 4/15/2007 05:07:00 AM
so many days of rain, so many days of non stop worki couldn't get much rest, always being asked out and all pressured at workload and shortage of manpower my body really feels damn weak, my legs are really hurting, even when sitting down.. so many times in the bus, on the way home, i felt like barfing, wanting to puke out everything i consumed earlier. Hell, till now, i haven't even slept. Kept tossing and turning around... my head feels really hot i took a few cans of cold drinks and used it to cool my head but still.. its no use, lol just have to find a way to pull myself together before working tomorrow my throat fells sore too.. sigh, the day after tomorrow and school reopens lucky, the first class begins at 9am and most of the new teachers in charge are the ones...that... nevermind.. leave this out.. i still have to do some shopping later, get some stuff for school.. new pants and all.. sigh my salary gone so soon.. i guess i won't really be able to save up too this month. maybe i'll go lie down somemore, i feel like barfing sitting down i must be an idiot, why the hell am i working so hard for? date: Friday, April 13, 2007
title: stressful situation
time: 4/13/2007 09:56:00 AM
why must they give me weird people to work with?!? sighi forgot to bring my phone along to work again today.. kinda gotten that feeling before i left home. "shit maybe i left something again", my thinking is really unstable and my temper seems to overboard real fast, as though my patience is running thin with them, i suddenly feel as though i don't really wanna socialise, i'm just "do your own things and leave me alone" type mood. i went to get a haircut yesterday. shit.. i'm a stupid moron, i shouldn't have her to cut it shorter, BIG *********** MISTAKE. I BOUGHT HAIRSTYLNG WAX FOR NO ******** GOOD REASON, MY HAIR IS SO SHORT I CAN'T DO SHIT, only the top though. she cut off some from the back.. sigh sigh. maybe i'm gonna get some new clothes soon. i need new clothes and maybe a new shoe too.. then again maybe save up once again i'm being indecisive date: Wednesday, April 11, 2007
title: F.U.N.
time: 4/11/2007 10:33:00 AM
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYPAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MONEY AND FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN hahaha. just kidding, i didn't blow away that much money just for entertainment i gotta get clothes for school reopening, maybe a new pair of shoes, i saw one i really liked but i didn't get. went shopping with py for a few hours, and.... never really gotten anything cept bottles of water after that, met up with may and marcus, poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool battle on the table~~~~~~~~~~~~ AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA it was so fun, its been awhile since i've met up with them and GOSH THE PLACE WE PLAYED POOL AT IS FUCKING COSTLY $35 FOR 2 HOURS, WTF?! ah. yea, the rain did ruin the day but it was just for a little while date: Tuesday, April 10, 2007
title: phew, lucky
time: 4/10/2007 08:45:00 AM
okay! so my off was stolen yesterday. i got a call backi had to work with a new crew and we closed real late last night due to some inconsiderate last minute morons felt like my head was gonna explode the moment i started to rush things. anyway, that didn't bother me much since it was pay day last night. Some retard probably messed with my Id and i couldn't shit about it. So i had problems while using certain functions on the computer there last night anyway,i'm going down to the bank today and cash in me money, muahahhaha and then shop! date: Monday, April 9, 2007
title: aloha money
time: 4/09/2007 12:21:00 PM
*groans in pain* ah my leg, it hurts!tomorrow is finally! MY OFF DAY. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! HELL YEA! *sobs* my leg felt like as though it won't move much for me anymore.. standing for 8-10 hours each day straight during work for over a week. oh my, the pain and yesterday was total annihilation, only 4 people ran the store the whole day, me,my friend,the manager and a total dumbass whom i hate so much. and yea. only me and one other were working till night.. but the night crowd got us owned when its only the two of us working against a crowd of 50+ YEA. THATS ALOT AINT IT. and seriously. MY BACK WAS ACHING LIKE CRAP AFTERWARDS and shak dropped by also and got a sandwich too.hmm.. okay so my friend couldn't believe my cousins are mixed races. lol. anyway, shak got discount for it :o courtesy of me friend. lol. shak was like "alittle bit of lettuce and mayo " and my friend gave him shit loads ahh....i feel like sleeping somemore.. but then again.. TODAY IS PAY DAY!! PAY DAY PAY DAY PAY DAY PAY DAY PAY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and...i hope it doesn't get delayed again.. sigh and TOMORROW IS SHOPPING SHOPPING SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! date: Wednesday, April 4, 2007
title: the ultimate failure
time: 4/04/2007 11:28:00 AM
shit shit shit shit shiti didn't hit my target. my target gpa was 3.5 all i got was a miserable 3.3 sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh i still feel unsatisfied.. i gotta work harder this year but all's well.. i did make an improvement, my gpa did jump from 3.1 to 3.3 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel miserable AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pay day in 3 days AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everything has the digit 3 in it sigh sigh sigh date: Tuesday, April 3, 2007
title: please let me recupperate
time: 4/03/2007 09:29:00 AM
*lets off a big sigh*i'm a crazy workaholic bastard. But like i said it before, I'm not working for fun, I'm just trying to help my mom pay off her debts and also debts of my own. But maybe this month, I really want to get a new pair of specs. This time, I'll get those metal frames instead. Plastic ones are boring. or maybe not. the only thing i do need to get is probably another pair of new shoe, new school pants and a bag. and the rest is for savings. I'm getting sick of my workplace, just everything about it. the people, the shop itself, the food, the customers. Customers.. lol.. just being told to serve them makes my heart wanna bleed, especially really brainless and retarded ones. I really got fed up with one yesterday, and it was during the lunch crowd period. it goes like this.. he ordered something, after i've done it and all, hand it over to the next person. he tells me he wants another order, i told him, next time please order everything at the same time so he won't hold back the queue, dumb fuck. when he finished paying and stuff, he said that he had another piece, damn.. so self-proclaimed, ass liar.. if my manager hadn't been there, my head would've exploded. My mood at that time was already on a real low. I came to work with a black face. Just disappointed, i was about to leave home to get some food and then they called me to get to work early cause they're really in need of help. well fuck. AFTER ALL THAT, he dared to go like "OH SHIT, DID YOU PUT THE BACON IN?" FUCK YOU?! you didn't say jack about adding shit to it, you sucks at ordering, you're a self-centered bastard who kept the line back and gave me excess emotional baggage, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT. thats how i felt inside. really really bad mood though its been past 3+ weeks since holiday, my grades aren't out yet and i'm starting to get irritated. As though its trying to test my patience sigh.. can't think of anything else to say.. maybe its a writer's block or shat and oh yea, i think i need to get more clothes hanger, i need them, loads, cause my shirt gets crumpled even though i ironed them nicely and folded it neatly, maybe i stacked too many at once date: Wednesday, March 28, 2007
title: finally things got done
time: 3/28/2007 01:58:00 PM
finally. after a weeks without doing laundry, i finished! every single last one of them.. and now my hand reeks of pain~ IT HURTSah, yea. i accidently ripped off the sleeves of one of my clothes. i was shocked, how could such clothing get ripped.. haha.. amusing pay day is in a week, hopefully i'll get a decent amount this time, then use some money to enjoy myself playing a game of pool or two, its been long since i've played and i hope my skills hadn't rust yet so many things i must do/get.. hmm.. maybe i must start using an organiser so i won't forget like...hmm..... getting a haircut...hmm...... new headset and cover... maybe some new clothings and jackets and possibly... then some other things i still need includes hair wax shit, i've forgotten some of them already. lets see lets see.. maybe a new phone.. my phone's too old it can't store much messages, its too troublesome for me to keep deleting my inbox everytime when its full so maybe i need something that could store more messages. if i'm not wrong..the costs should be.. 75 for the headset (or less) 25 for the casing (shit, 100 gone for my mp3) 12 for a haircut 7 for hair wax 52 for transport concession, but then again i probably won't need it till school reopens 28 for my phone's top-up card, and again, i'll probably get a new line with contract since its much cheaper that way, besides i don't really make outgoing calls, just receive incoming calls most of the time, so free incoming calls would be great. hmm.. since contract comes with a phone.. don't know if i should just sign up for a free phone or get something decent, hmm.. so maybe i'll set aside 200 for it.. or 250 for that matter since there are some charges probably not included yet. yadadadadadadadada.. so probably all the stuff i mentioned earlier would costs an estimated 450 minimum.. keeping 50 for my savings and the rest to my mom. and bam! i'm bankrupt again, haha but it doesn't really matter, if i'm content with the things i have, money ain't really an issue. money is meant to be used for spending anyway, well yea, to a certain extent. date: Friday, March 23, 2007
title: peace, finally
time: 3/23/2007 07:27:00 PM
at last,a day off with no disturbancecan't believe i really can't sleep long hours now.. got like only 4 hours of sleep for today. but yea, today i did get a long rest.. but still my asthma won't go away its really hard to walk around the house now theres just too many cats, and its really scary cause the kittens are crawling around too.. and they're smaller than my feet.. and my feet are size 11.. well i won't say its huge, seen larger ass feet before so yea.. if they got squashed, its really gonna be bad again, i was too tired to do my laundry.. besides i've mentioned that i have to manually wash them.. i don't really have that much strenght left. I feel really lethargic, just two weeks till payday.. still a long way to go, can't wait to get my hands on some new and cover for my zen m, it pains me to see scratches on them, haha. just kidding. i was never good at taking care of products anyway. i just checked my school student's portal. seems like i have 1 extra subject than the rest. anyway, a friend called up just now, seems like he heard a strange rumour involving me and a co-worker, he thought i was involved in a fight or something cause some stupid ass didn't really know what happened and leaked out false information. I was like laughing on the phone, wondering how a guy like me could get involved in fights. oh yea, theres one scene in sch rumble 2nd term that i love so much, its still freaking funny everytime i watch it, episode, last 7-10 mins of the episode. where harima tried out some of the food the girls made and it tasted so bad lol. "IT TASTES LIKE SHIT" hahahaha, thinking about it makes me wanna burst out in laughter. date: Thursday, March 22, 2007
title: no off days
time: 3/22/2007 11:59:00 AM
click hereits my anime list, got to know it from a friend, quite a cool webbie and manages my anime list easily anime for the win! cr for the win! i need days off from workkkkkkkkkkk... i'm beat.. very very.. i'm getting headaches from over-working, just like before, i was 30 seconds from yelling at a customer who gave me shit loads of problem. but somehow i didn't.. in my mind i kept telling myself this ain't worth it.. anyway patience is my only specialty.. and yea my off days got stolen again, i had to go back to work to deal with some shitheads at work my holidays are till the 16th april, maybe.. i should save up for a freaking air-conditioner.. its been long since i've had one, i can't stand my room, its warm. maybe its just the location of where i'm staying, theres no air circulation. date: Monday, March 19, 2007
title: end of the holidays for them
time: 3/19/2007 02:35:00 AM
here for awhile, gone soon after.. its unfortunate his holiday didn't last long.I was talking about the secondary school kids, meaning my bro no more nuisance, the ultimate hinder using my resources and etc.. kiddies, they don't think about of others do they, just use as they please. using them is one thing, but getting rid of it is another thing.. man, i ran out of money to get a haircut, i guess i could wait another month before getting a haircut, its starting to get thicker again. sigh. i wanna get a cut, i wanna dye me hair, i wanna style it~! sigh, i guess i did't get the off day i hoped for that other day, they called me back to work eventhough it was late... i should've said no, rejected them in their face and went to sleep.. instead.. it was the opposite.. my arms were shaking throughout the day.. i was just so tired.. seriously.. i am.. i can't sleep for long nowadays, i get back cramps if i don't wake up early, not the type of alarm clock i was hoping for though.. i reach home at around 11.30pm each night so seeing me getting online is rare in broad daylight.. watch some anime till 2-3am till my body is really worn out and thus fall asleep at last. somehow today is different, staying up just a little longer than usual. so much is going through my thoughts is hard to rest. anyway, i've watched the 300 today... boy...great movie.. too bad some of my others friend couldn't watch it since it was m(18), so yea.. being old has its advantages and its disadvantages too.. date: Saturday, March 17, 2007
title: day off!
time: 3/17/2007 04:23:00 PM
geez, that idiot put me into a lot of trouble carrying his dumb ps2 all the way home when i could've just left it there in the stall for him tomorrow.ah, my washing machine broke down, so i guess i'll have to manuall wash my freaking clothes. But then again, I don't really feel like scrubbing anything right now. Guess i won't be able to buy new clothes too since i gave 90% of my leftover salary to my mom and the rest for breakfast. must work hard this month, sigh, the situation at work is still bad but i still have to learn to be patient.. but for now i guess, i have to make full use of my off day by.. sleeping? ah.. its boring.. i can't stand sitting next to my brother while he plays the game i used to play. i hate it, i hate that game alot.. movies...sigh there are so many nice movies to see but.. again.. financial issues are a big hinder.. maybe i should've thought about saving a little in the bank before spending it away like water. i've start watching a new anime! i kept seeing the word code geass in pea's blog alot so i gave it a shot, ain't half bad! its nice, lol. although the geass skill is kinda similar to mido ban's evil eye, thats what i thought. i've learnt, reading the manga way head of the anime really spoils everything lol, guess i won't have a point watching naruto since knowing everything thats going to happen in future episodes.. man.. i'm dumb ahh... maybe i'm gonna sleep the whole day.. my eyes is still dark,dark dark rings.. oh, finally! i bought hair pins, lol. i wanted to hide my hair when i go back to school so i bought them.. i mentioned it before..i wanted to dye my hair.. but.. my mom prohibited me from doing so.. *sobs* anyway, i guess black is nice colour, lol. i'm lying.. maybe next time i'll try dying it.. the holiday now is too short.. besides i'm keeping my hair long so next time i could cut it in a way i really wanted.. heh.. my exam is doomed i think... results in 2 weeks.. I MUST MAKE IT TO YEAR 2! ps. i changed my phone, and in the process lost contacts like i said before. so please if you guys got the time, just drop by an sms with your names =x that'll do, thanks! date: Thursday, March 15, 2007
title: I was here! today!
time: 3/15/2007 11:39:00 PM
Finally, I got a chance to "mess" the blogAh, me? same old same old.. always doing the same old things,yea but, at last.. its the holidays, its not supposed to start till the 24th but we don't have any more reason to attend classes since we completed all out assigned tasks and stuff.. so.. yea... longer holiday... man.. even though its the holidays, i eyes are still swollen.. panda eyes hurts man.. hurts to close my eyes to sleep, hurts to sleep long. can't sleep for more than 6 hours.. Didn't know whats wrong with me today, my asthma was bad.. and my heart felt like as though it was in a pinch.. thought i was gonna get a heart attack or soemthing at a young age, but.. took some rest and drank some tea, felt a little more relieved afterwards. holidays...hmm... must work longer now, yea.. i guess thats all i can think of to say.. ah my new toy, already so much scratches on it! should've bought protective casing for it earlier.. damn.. woo used up so much space on it already. yea. bought the zen vision m, took me a long time to decide whether to get the ipod or the zen.. in the end.... i got it! the zen date: Sunday, March 11, 2007
title: wtf?
time: 3/11/2007 11:41:00 AM
ah.. my bro deleted alot of contacts from my phone by accident.. =.= alot alot alot of contacts missing....ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTPEOPLE!! GIVE ME YOUR CONTACTS AGAIN! aha.. sigh... maybe i should just get a new phone with a new number next month.. I'm thinking of getting a new mp3 player now, lol one that costs like $4xx, gosh! thats like 4/5 of my salary. i'm one true nutcase. then give the remainder to my mom... eh.. then i'm penniless again. lol i'm taking a day off from work tomorrow, must study for my final year exams.. woot i've been given a warning twice to get a haircut, well... to fucking hell with them.. i'll bring a scissors on the day itself just incase i don't get allowed inside, then i'll cut my tail on the spot.. sigh i'm no good at theory stuff.. sob sob my manager thinks i'm 21,omg do i look that old? anyway, lol and oh! gonna watch 300! in gold class seats *gasp* first time date: Monday, March 5, 2007
title: new bed
time: 3/05/2007 12:10:00 PM
 a bunk bed, donated to me courtesy of my cousin although its a little childish for me at this age. i don't mind, as long i've got somewhere to sleep, I'm fine my father was yapping madly when he found out i accepted the bed from my uncle.. took a long time to set up.. and its quite small for me considering my height.. i've bumped my head into the metal post quite a number of times..my forehead hurts.. and the ceiling is quite low.. sometimes when i wake up, i knock my head to the wall too.. lol maybe i should just use my old bed and let my bro sleep there on weekends. ah.. as for my old bedframe... i broke it, yep i played wrestling with my bro and kept tossing him about the bed till bed frame broke.. now my room is really spacious, from where i took this picture, i was standing at the other side of the bedroom.. the phone camera couldn't take the whole of it from standing nearby.. i could probably put an 8ft table there.. sigh i cut class again today, my asthma is bad today.. really bad.. maybe i'll go to the doctor in a little while and get some medicine.. pay day is coming soon!~ thinking of getting new clothes, shoes,phone, alot of things i wanna buy.. i'm being dragged into unnecessary stuff again.. i'm being posted to east cost point outlet this saturday cause my "good" friend wants to "train" me.. wanna let me experience a real "rush" there.. meaning its a really happening place there.. sigh.. i'm screwed.. date: Sunday, March 4, 2007
title: hoho trouble
time: 3/04/2007 12:32:00 AM
time for updates..hmm...marcus won't be going to thai with me and may, so most likely i'll have to backdown too.. i probably won't be able to afford a room all on my own, and sharing with may is totaly out of the question.. also, she has a friend accompanying her.. i told my mom about it already, her reaction... hinted she didn't mind. I guess i gotta talk to may about this matter soon, otherwise, i'll just cancel the plan and going back to working like a slave.. maybe if really can't.. then i'll use some of the money to sterilise some of my cats at home, last resort to is disown them... maybe might put up the kittens for adoption.. cute little kittens, newbowns, 10 of them.. anyone? they're those stray type breeds. the cats at home are already causing much problem.. with this.. i got 24 cats! tw-en-ty-fo-ur-ca-ts countdown 10 days to my theory test. i'm so unprepared... and i got a new bed frame from my uncle, well.. second hand but at least its something.. with this... i gotta move some of the furnitures in my room about. I... too tired.. lol seems like my wokplace needs people now, anyone interested may contact me.. anime time! school rumble 2nd term! omg can die from laughing date: Wednesday, February 28, 2007
title: freak in the making
time: 2/28/2007 11:48:00 PM
man.. i've been working my ass off for real..i really can't cope having both work and studies at the same time. i'm growing weaker and weaker by day.. i'm running out of energy cutting alot of classes just for rest.. the good thing is that i've completed almost everything so the workload and responsibility in school ain't that much compared to work.. even at work, seems like things aren't getting better.. its getting worse for a fact.. i'm fed up.. i can't stand getting the kind of treatment i'm receiving each time i work. especially from my coworkers.. always cutting work, slacking off.. getting me into trouble... increasing my burden.. They didn't notice, i tried to hide my temper, i just took over everything they were doing and quickly finished it... always thanking me.. how long are you going to keep saying "thanks" as though you really meant it.. doesn't matter, i'm doing this for the good of myself anyway.. i already knew what kind of people i'll probably face with when being in this line of work.. my whole body aches and my hands won't stop shaking.. but i don't miss out of any meals so i guess i'm fine... honestly.. even trying to get to sleep hurts.. especially my eyes i nearly failed my test last week. thankfully my teacher gave me a chance to resit for it... though i only missed out on two questions.. just a week or two more to the main theory test..... then....the long awaited holidays... then i'll probably ask my boss for.... full shifts.. yea.. 14hour a day work.. my form teacher is being transfered to another school by april.. meaning he'll be gone by the time we come back... the holidays.... i wanna dye my hair. dark reddish purple.. or just dark purple.. i don't wanna dye the same as what others usually go for.. i'm not saying colours like pink or green..thats just too outrageous.. by the end of the month... yea... and then i'm gonna keep it long, just the tail and maybe my fringe. lol.. i guess with this.. i'll be charged the same as how much most woman gets charged for a regular haircut. it happened once before.. i thought i'd give some of my salary to my mom when it comes but my mom asked me for money sooner than i thought.. sigh.. can't be helped i guess... she's troubled and its my duty as a son to help her.. i just gave her another 100.. with this.. she owes me 2k.. i've completed quite a number of anime series over the month.. its the main cause thats causing my lack of sleep.. i need a break date: Sunday, February 25, 2007
title: sickly
time: 2/25/2007 12:28:00 AM
i've been sick the past few days actually. i never let anyone know about it.my head, it hurt alot, hurt like crap i skipped classes on friday, i just couldn't bring myself to get to school. luckily it was my day off from work too.. i just felt too weak.. my head felt like spinning and my runny nose was just annoying.. couldn't get any better than that though.. any more and i'd...i don't wanna think about it my hand, is still aching red, i punched the wall alot. at least physical pain is much easier to take than that to the heart i skipped school without telling my mom, i didn't want to worry her.. she'd probably want me to stop working.. ah how silly anyway, theres already nothing left to learn but to relearn all those i've learnt this term.. final exams just a few weeks away.. after that.... more working somehow i feel as though i just added more burden for myself... suddenly my responsibilities increased.. others, they won't know how much hell i'm really going through.. they can only tell i'm crazy cause i'm laughing most of the time.. but its the only way i can let out this stress i contain.. yet.. its not enough.. day by day, its harder to keep it inside, everything.. one day, i'll surely break down altogether.. its just too easy to complain... yet the damage is done sigh, what am i saying.... date: Thursday, February 22, 2007
title: oh my!
time: 2/22/2007 12:19:00 AM
its the worst thing that could've happened.. my belt broke and i was in the shopping mall buying food for the family.. and so.. my pants were like trying to fall everytime i walked.. merely clinging onto my ass.. one side of my arms holding onto the goods and the other onto my pantsjust takes a bump into a person to or a really strong gust of wind to lose it all.. haha i'd be lying if i'm saying i'm not tired from my current life.. i'm working even more now.. since they're lacking manpower, i guess i have to fill in most of the time i'm the second most workaholic person at the outlet itself amongst others. i'm mad.. yea.. really mad.. i checked how long i've worked for, last week.. 45 hours. i think this month's pay should be quite reasonable.. oh yea! i'm gonna get it! new shoes, new bag, new clothes, new mp3 new everything! just kidding.. i said it already, i'm gonna save it.. sigh, its a fucking pain.. to collaborate with idiots.. especially when dealing with a project.. also when the group leader isn't all responsible for his actions.. his laziness is jeopardising the grades of others, not that he cares since he's moving onto a higher institution.. making false promises each time.. maybe i should just fucking redo the whole damned project so i can finally rest its case and won't have to worry about it ever again.. ITS NOT JUST ONE PROJECT THAT HE'S HOLDING ON TO 3 FUCKING PROJECT, 3 DAMN FORSAKENED PROJECTS.. its not that first time.. he really loves to backstab others alot..this guy... for months, reminders after constant reminders.. yet still nothing from him.. jackass maybe i'll just redo the damn thing all over again.. free day friday, fight! date: Monday, February 19, 2007
title: cny
time: 2/19/2007 11:15:00 AM
firstly happy cny to all my friends! is it the year of the pig now? sigh i guess i won't make it to the reunion dinner later at shak's i'm on duty much earlier today.. i'm done for... date: Tuesday, February 13, 2007
title: ultimate frustration
time: 2/13/2007 12:25:00 AM
sigh.. sigh..... sigh.......the test gave me a big headache helping out others gave me a much bigger headache i lost my way twice on the way to work.. i was nearly on the verge of flagging down a cab but somehow managed to keep my cool it took me 2 hours to get there.. the other person i worked with gave me the biggest headache of all i just felt like leaving work and all the duty to him get the hell out of there and rest my head.. my eye is in pain also.. accidentally rubbed my eyes with toothpaste while brushing my teeth in the morning.. the heat lasted quite a long time.. i travelled one eyed open to school.. date: Sunday, February 11, 2007
title: embarassing
time: 2/11/2007 12:12:00 AM
shit... i slept so late and yet woke up so early.. i had a sore throat.. my voice really sounded coarse.. couldn't go back to sleep after i took a showeri went out to buy breakfast for myself and my brothers.. alot of stuff lol.. spent about 20 bucks just for 3 people's sake.. lol snacks and stuff.. i'm nuts for snacks.. bought alot of bakery goods especially. i love donuts, lol chocolate donuts for the win! took a quick stop at the 7-11 to get a smoothie and i thought of getting hair clips or hair bands or something.. yes... for me.. while i was browsing through the accessories corner..the girl at the counter gave a loud cough.. shit, i didn't know where to hide my face. i got my smoothie and got the hell out of there fast! anyway i guess i won't need it tomorrow.. i'm gonna get a haircut again.. lol.. i don't give a fuck what the teachers think, i'm gonna keep it long but thin.. i guess.. to hell with that biased jerk. i went to work early.. sigh i'm really a lifeless moron.. i wanted to rest more and watch some anime but i guess it didn't work out too.. wow i sure went to work with a black face.. the people there really gave me so much problems.. but it was quite fun when it was during night shift i nearly laughed till i passed out when xiang fell while dancing.. a giant fell while dancing.. how could i know laugh my ass off? sigh, i guess school won't be as fun when xiang goes off to poly soon.. i don't really have that much friends in school, my class is small and only a portion of them are socialable.. sigh why am i pondering over trivial things at a time like this.. i'm gonna claim my laptop this tuesday, at last date: Friday, February 9, 2007
title: chance?
time: 2/09/2007 08:36:00 PM
i gave 1/5 of my money to my mom, don't know why i did that but i thought i could help her pay some of the bills with it.. though it wasn't much..i guess i couldn't sit for the exams unless i cut my hair.. geez.. teachers sure are biased.. they don't catch people with dyed hair, instead go for people like me.. my hair ain't even that long.. i hate it.. maybe.. i'll give them a piece of my mind soon.. to hell with them. i can't be bothered true or false.. i don't know.. my teacher wanted to list my name into some special programme that involves going overseas again.. but he said the reason my name isn't in yet is cause i don't look presentable.. again with the hair.. WHAT THE FUCK DOES HAIR HAS TO DO WITH ANYTHING UNRELATED?!!?! but ah well.. i guess i'll have to cut them.. i want this! the programme is some youth programme thingi.. i forgot its full name.. only 10 people from each campus gets selected for this.. and the trip is DECEMBER.. sigh.. i really don't get it.. he wants me to cut it now.. who knows it'll grow back to the same lenght by december.. guess where to? HOOOOOOOOONGGGGGGGG KOOOOOOOOONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, lol HONG KONG~! the funny thing is... we have to pass an interview.. zzz.. and if i failed it, THEN WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT OF ME LOSING MY HAIR!?!?! why should i do =.= apart from me, only xiang got listed too.. lucky guy.. i guess he won't be staying long enough to go to hong kong though.. he passed his o's english, now he can advance to poly. Ah well.. no time to think about overseas trip now.. gotta study for a test this upcoming monday.. probably have to work tomrrow and sunday too.. sigh.. i'm so unlucky.. my life sure sucks date: Thursday, February 8, 2007
title: super cramp!
time: 2/08/2007 10:02:00 PM
i walked aimlessly, wandering through the night in the parkround and round i went, just listening to music on the go.. i just felt like walking about so suddenly, just needed a breather walked for at least an hour, and yes my leg got cramped, cause i didn't do any warm ups or anything, just started walking i think i walked about 4km or so.. just estimated, may seem little but i did take my own sweet time at last my pay is here!!!!! weeeeeeee.. quite little tho.. 300+ lol. i guess thats alright since i'm studying while working part time. gotta save this and work for another month before being able to go on vacation to bangkok during end of march with marcus and may.. tho its not confirmed... i'll just try my best to save up.. i think my mom would let me go.. i wanna see what the country is like.. i wanna travel more couldn't stand the atmosphere at home. I'm allergic to cat's fur, i get an asthma attack fast.. i try staying away from cats most of the time, its not like i dislike them.. just for my own safety.. but each time i try avoiding it, it'll come to me instead.. adorable little buggers.. it can't be helped, i had asthma since birth, passed down from my mom.. i woke up at 4 last night, couldn't sleep cause my cats were fighting in the middle of the night.. sigh i couldn't get much rest even when i wanted to i'm still getting nagged by my teachers, be it my attire, my work or anything for that matter.. whats wrong with me lol.. messy hair, wrong attire, late for class, handing up assignments late.. am i neglecting studies? i seem to be doing fine tho despite all that.. i guess i'll change my blog skin tomorrow.. honestly i don't really like this one.. it just bothers me reading the words it contains. reading it makes me feel like...... like shit. date: Wednesday, February 7, 2007
title: time for a rest
time: 2/07/2007 12:37:00 AM
everyone has to rest sometimes don't they?I don't want to be labelled workaholic.. I really don't like to work.. its troublesome but it seems there is really no other choice But working gave me the chance to meet more people and expand the circle of my social life.. I'd go crazy if i were to talk to myself most of the time,which i don't finished work late today.. only me and another guy doing closing shift, one was absent.. so i had to take 2 person's work.. really tiring.. that weird girl came by again,a few times now, knocked on the window and waved hi at me again.. just weird. from tomorrow till the end of the week, i don't have to work! A BIG BREAK.. i need it.. i need...to sleep... 22nd Feb, thats the date I'm gonna go claim my lappy..finally its here. finally something to look forward too school.. hmm... i need to brush up on my theory work.. i'm starting to forget the things i've learnt.. and the main exams aren't far away.. I think i can easily ace the other two modules with no problem. at home... my cat gave birth again... more kittens.. 5 more.. meaning more trouble.. especially for my mom.. now.. i have 19 cats... my dad gets even more frustrated seeing more cats.. they're always argueing over the cats everyday.. my mom wants to get rid of the cats soon.. to avoid more family problems.. maybe just leaving behind one cat.. most likely to call up this special society whereby they'll care for the cats and let others adopt them instead... instead of having to kill them.. i'm beat.. i'm dead tired.. i'm mentally exhausted.. i just need to be left alone for awhile date: Monday, February 5, 2007
title: suprise visit
time: 2/05/2007 12:13:00 AM
weeee~~~~ someone came by to visit me at workbut it was so sudden.. quite shocking at first.. thanks jannah! next time tell me first if you're gonna come down =.= so i can hide, muahahaha PAY DAY IS COMING SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *starts to drool* ah well it won't be much anyway.. just a few haven't really thought of how i'm gonna spend it though.. maybe i'll just save it for future purposes.. I only spend money on food anyway.. i think i'm not the type who goes shopping.. even though i do at times, but rare.. could say once in a few months.. keeping my attention away from things i desire helps saves the $$$ i know! maybe i'll save for a pool table, muahaha.. or a drum set.. i've always wanted to try learning drums.. or maybe bass guitar if possible.. i've always been told my hands are huge so i should try bass. today's probably the best day at work so far.. though there was a huge crowd.. they're abit chatty today.. socialising is fun but it does slow down the queue a little... heh damn it.. school tomorrow.. 5 hours of sleep left.. no.. lesser.. anyway i'm not gonna sleep early.. anyway.. i'm used to it already.. besides i've always slept so little throughout each day.. panda eyes... swollen eyes... my eyes are already small its crying out for it.. "sleep" lol date: Saturday, February 3, 2007
title: irritated
time: 2/03/2007 09:27:00 AM
last night was the most irritating night of my work lifei had to work with a new guy but an old crew, but rather irritating guy I wasn't in the mood to talk much at all last night i couldn't even have my dinner without stopping to serve once in awhile, my tummy was aching while working, cause i hadn't had anything that whole day. I was blamed for alot of things.. what a know-it-all person.. its true he's more experienced than me but he could've just let me do things my way.. couldn't even work properly cause my tummy was grumbling out loud and in pain.. so lets say i said i wanted to eat at 6pm.. when i got infront the station, the crowded just didn't stop coming.. for 2 straight hours.. some were really making my blood boil.. i really gave servicing to some with a black face.. some i felt like throwing their orders at them.. closed late too, due to... so and so i missed the last bus thats en route home.. so i had no other choice but to take other buses.. i didn't even realised the time till i sat on the bus.. i realised i missed the last bus then.. it was midnight.. i reached home 12.30pm.. i felt like dying.. sigh, i didn't even message.... even though its our... sigh.. how should i face you properly anymore.. all i did was just kept waiting.. but i really am a fool.. cause i did nothing, therefore nothing happened I must be nuts.. working for months so i could save up enough money to go on vacation with may and marcus just so we could go there to see her date: Wednesday, January 31, 2007
title: ganbatte!
time: 1/31/2007 07:09:00 PM
finally.. a day off..Still going on strong yea.. still standing on both my feet.. though just a little exhausted slept late, real late last night. had planned on watching anime after work last night but end up having a long chat with a friend.. so..backfired plan. final exams coming up real soon.. just another 4-5 weeks.. i'm gonna do my best to top the class! definately! deep sigh.. i'm just probably daydreaming no. just contradictory date: Sunday, January 28, 2007
title: hmm...
time: 1/28/2007 12:39:00 AM
man i was so fed up.. i missed 2 buses on the way to work..one went off before i could get down the bus and flag the next the other.. went off even though i flagged it for so long.. asshole.. he shouldn't have become a bus driver in the first place if he doesn't know how to pick up passengers.. because of that i was late for work but earliest among my crew to arrive. even though late.. lol at work, i used my friend's lappy for awhile.. the internet connection really sucked badly and it was really slow . my classmate got owned! by PY! LOL i was doing work but left my messenger there itchy fingered bastard had to say something to mess up my messenger but PY gave him a _|_. lol, he laughed ah okay time to sleep tired anyway i just had to put back the chatbox lol, looks so imcomplete without it. right? haha date: Saturday, January 27, 2007
title: lost for words
time: 1/27/2007 12:16:00 AM
okay so I met a new colleague, he's well... lets just say he has a few loose screws up there.he's too cheerful,chatty and... just plain weird. he has to talk when he works. But i guess it can be a good thing too.. tunes up the atmosphere.. I really felt enlightened.. at times annoyed.. but doesn't really matter yet, he thinks I'm mad cause I kept laughing most of the time. yay i got alot of free cookies today!! felt like jelly while i worked, i felt so weak. Actually skipped class today.. my mom found out i skipped class.. wonder how she knew it =.= SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! flat out tired T.T and I've removed the cbox. i don't need it. I don't want to read comments on the blog, come tell it to me! hehe ah, yea. about the haircut.. i don't really wanna expose the whole of my fugly face so i'll show you how it looks now from side view.. i did say haircut and it doesn't look as thick as it did before. lol.the back is longer than it actually is from the picture.. cameras are no good, lol. least i can make crazy hairdos now.I want it to grow longer though =( how is it? lol. weird right? ugly ugly ugly >.< date: Friday, January 26, 2007
title: total ownage
time: 1/26/2007 11:11:00 AM
My co-worker said I'm good at work, and they like me.So.. they're gonna give me more working days..just what i needed at a time like this 6 working days while studying. instead of the usual 3 days. what a mess.. I didn't expect this to occur too fast.. sigh I guess I don't have a choice but to do both 6am-7am - prepare for school 7am-8am - get to school 8am-4pm - school 4pm-5pm - get to work 5pm-10.30pm - work 10.30pm-11.30pm - get home shower and then sleep, afterwards, repeat procedure.. except weekends i may have a little more time to rest.. maybe i'll get to use the computer just a little while to check on my email and stuff.. who knows.. but one thing's for sure, I'll come online less often. Ah..with that in mind.. I don't think I could possibly meet up with May/Marcus for pool next week.. sigh I don't think I can keep it all together anymore, I've really been trying hard but things keep taking a u-turn.. Its just cruel ain't it.. i can't say whether the situation is fair or unfair.. the blame will all fall back to me, I decide for my own actions and speech. I haven't been truthful of my feelings lately.. The people important to me, except my family, aren't always there. its coming, its next week. I won't tell.. date: Thursday, January 25, 2007
title: Just when i thought..
time: 1/25/2007 12:46:00 AM
Suddenly, my teacher got so strict with rules..Still disappointed even after taking a quick glance at my new hairstyle "You called that a haircut? You just wasted money" everyone said that one even mentioned "ass, you look gay with that kind of hairstyle" I felt dismayed, but also nonchalant, just couldn't be bothered with what one thinks of me Suddenly he's giving out forms of "undertaking of oath" to people misbehaving.. i think he's really mad now.. by signing the form, we agreed to some terms and conditions the school has otherwise be dismissed from the course. I didn't get any.. I just sat down and did my work.. really..i can't get through each day without hearing swear words spewing out from my classmate's foul mouths.. irritating but its funny when one says it out loud and get a hell of a nagging from the teacher.. I took a walk around my neighbourhood during midnight, It was long, but i didn't stay out long.. i'll say its quite relaxing.. just music and walking, no thoughts, just a path to follow.. who knows maybe it'll be a habit soon.. I just had to.. escape from this indecent reality for awhile and organise my emotions. I'm incapable to do or say anymore.. date: Wednesday, January 24, 2007
title: ha! at last
time: 1/24/2007 09:29:00 AM
I've got a haircutafter over half a year of avoiding the salon, i got my haircut my desired haircut now I can look a little taller when i spike up my hair and now no teacher can complain to me about my hair since its short already, cept my back which is still touching my shoulders. gotta tie it up, muahaha got the chance to it cut when my brothers were using the comp all night yesterday, didn't get to use the comp at night. my laptop is still not here! gonna get a router soon and ta-da~ wireless freedom i didn't see much peeps in class yesterday, I was really late. I was sick, yet i still came finished my work fast and left. I went to school for an hour,great. I'm gonna get debarred for missing class early in the morning, but who cares. I don't really trust the teacher's words.. You can't debar me for missing a single class. There are those in the class who've not attended class for months and still get the chance to take the exams.. such biasness... sigh... date: Tuesday, January 23, 2007
title: dead man walking
time: 1/23/2007 12:26:00 AM
I walked into class late, as though I owned the school. Lol It took me a long time to get to school, my whole body ached, seriously. There was not a time I didn't moan in pain "shit" whenever i bend any part of my body. maybe next time I'll do a proper warm up before doing weights again at the gym Today's lesson was really boring.. anyway, I completed my project, even though its partially workable. Actually 100% workable.. but after throwing it against the wall.. I tested it again, and.. I damaged one of its lights.. for that.. I lost 5% of my marks.. forget about it bah. anyway I'm still getting an A for it. *grin* After a long time of having no playing on the pool table.. We head down to the snookerium and play pool!!!!!! and.. I've really lost my touch in it.. lol Came back home and tried to sleep.. but couldn't really sleep for long cause my body ached so much. Each time I turned, i could feel the stretch through my muscles.. staying up through the nite~ watching bokura ga ita date: Monday, January 22, 2007
title: Digging my own grave
time: 1/22/2007 12:00:00 AM
I'm physically drain, I'm trying to do the impossible, well so I thought. Went to the gym with shak during the afternoons.. had a hard workout,felt like jelly afterwards, could fell my muscles wobble, lol.. After an hour in the gym, we went swimming.. swimming is so relaxing~~~ after all that....went straight to work T.T oh so tiring.. maybe I'm insane or something.. I find myself laughing at the silliest things ever.. like seeing my colleague slip, nearly falling down.. I tried not to rush things while at work but the odds turned against me.. the crowd, the workload, colleagues etc etc etc.. I guess the only thing that kept me going on was the overdose intake of fizzy drinks.. SOOOOO MANY PEOPLE during the weekends >.< I didn't get a cookie today.. it sold out fast.. T.T I'm done for!!! I have test coming up soon!! I haven't done any revision for it!! practical for the whole of tomorrow.. but.. I don't really have the mood for it =.= sigh.. too much things to handle.. couldn't get any better than this could it.. my life currently.. already MISERABLE enough what i really want to do now is... to scream at the top of my lungs.. either that or just go for another nice round of swimming tired,tired,tired.. mentally,physically time to watch cartoons!!!!! after that, restttttttttttttt date: Saturday, January 20, 2007
title: working moodlessly
time: 1/20/2007 12:57:00 AM
Ah, i just got back from work.. horrible day.. I'm too tired.. really tired..I feel sick inside, like the feeling of indigestion. i felt as though I've gotten the most workload among the others today, but at least while doing "work" i got to watch movies being played from xiang's laptop.. he play lots of movies.. night at the museum.garfield etc etc.. entertainment while working.. but still throughout work.. i feel exhausted Maybe it was something that i ate..or not.. but I didn't feel normal.. there was a rush going through my body.. i think i drank too much diet coke...besides.. its free.. well only for staff.. There are actually plans I had,things i wanted to do.. but i guess with my current lifestyle.. I doubt I'll be able to do much.. hit the gym.. play pool.. all those.. but it seems that each time I made appointment with these people.. Sigh, why bother. anyway.. keeping myself busy avoids having deep thoughts in my head.. you know how easily i keep overthinking stuff.. its a pain.. really. blog blog blog, blog out my frustrations!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! date: Friday, January 19, 2007
title: Work load
time: 1/19/2007 12:19:00 AM
Sigh, my brother woke me up from my sleep.. my peaceful sleep.. the lights were turned on so brightly, the computer was loud as ever.. how could I not wake up.What mess have I gotten myself in? I was the one who proposed on doing a new project and dispose of the previous project we worked on.. but when it came to inspection, our group was the only group amongst all others that had to submit 2 projects instead of 1..all that extra hard work for nothing.I'm done for. I overslept again last night..don't know whats happening to me,why I kept oversleeping. Ah,theres work tomorrow and on the weekends.. a week goes by real fast it seems.. but nevermind, I'm working for a good purpose anyway. Its not like I need money for any other reason. Besides if i saved up on my pocket money alone just for this, it'll take months of starving myself in school. I guess this is the only other option left.Work...yes...work... But work is sorta fun.. except for being ordered around like a slave part.. the people i meet, my colleagues, they're really fun people. Working on weekends is fun cause there's alot of people.Time flies by real fast when alot of work is done. When nothing is done.. just simply sitting there waiting.. time goes by like watching a snail trying to cross from one side of your computer desk to the other end.The sad thing is that most of them are smokers,but of course i don't join them in smoking. Sighhhhhh date: Thursday, January 18, 2007
title: this pig overslept
time: 1/18/2007 09:14:00 AM
I don't feel too well last night,I've got this really bad headache and I slept early too, after forcefully trying to stay awake for some time to complete watch some show/anime. But I've completed it anyway, lol, 'My Girl'; kdrama and 'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi'; anime. They're really nice shows. I'm looking forward to 'One little of tears' which PY has yet to burn it for me! Hmm.. maybe I'll get to sleep earlier everyday now..I just can't seem to sleep at nightRaining seasons seems to rush in at a bad moment each time. Imagine walking away from shelter, entering the school gate and it pours down heavily on you.. I thought that was weird.. till I left school and it started pouring down on me while on the way to the bus stop.Its sure something huh.. Anyway I can't be bothered running in the rain, besides, its fun without the lightning/thunder.I saw a lot of 'pasar malam' on the way home T.T I wanted to go but didn't cause theres noone to accompany me. Sigh, its the 3rd day this week, I overslept on a school day.. really too exhausted Wh I'm gonna kill you next time, making me think of scenarios for your compo but you were too busy watching soccer!! And you made me do this while I'm doing my project -_- date: Wednesday, January 17, 2007
title: super-tight schedule
time: 1/17/2007 09:45:00 AM
I've got a really messy schedule ever since I began working. Now, I don't have as much leisure as I do before. On certain days, I'd be back home from home/work by midnight and its really tiring but most of the time spent after that is on watching anime.. and since by midnight, most of the peeps are asleep/offline, I don't really get to chat much often either.. except for those hardcore nocturnal ones. But watching anime is the only thing that makes my day.. I'd slept for a few hours on a school day. School and work.. I have to put up with nonsensical people in school, put up with much more nonsensical people at work.. its a catastrophe Sigh, I got screwed [not literally] on my first day of reopening of school. I was caught for having long hair. Damn that idiot, he didn't stick to his words to letting me tie up my hair. I was nearly sent home but didn't cause there were only 2 people in class at that moment,me and Xiang.So having no other options, i was forced to cut it off. I got my bro to do it for me, I realised, it was a bad decision.Now part of my hair looks uneven,lol but doesn't matter, its only hair, it'll regrow as time goes by. But still I'm sober, he cut off like more than 10cm off from my back T.T bah, I'd better get back to doing my work. I have a day left before dateline for my project.. I'm screwed cause its incomplete. date: Tuesday, January 16, 2007
title: Starting fresh
time: 1/16/2007 06:44:00 PM
Yes, its a new year, so I decided to make a new blog, start afresh. But of course, archives of my previous blog were kept somewhere else even though I've already removed the blog.well.. I forgot what a blog should contain though I think the links I have aren't that updated, probably so.. anyone with blogs/updated ones kindly inform me [through use of the tagboard, as you can see on the right -_-], then I'll get relinked/linked asap. thanks Maybe I'll update again later, I'll get some rest first |
